Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I found a tape of love songs in my H car. We have had the car for about 6 years now. I used to drive this car but since getting a new one...it is his. Yesterday I found a cassette tape of love songs. When I asked him about it...he said he knew nothing of the tape. He has a tape player in the car...the only one we have in this house. In talking about this tape...he started claiming since he knew nothing about it...someone must be setting him up. He said maybe someone planted it there to cause problems between us. He also said that it must have magically appeared because he didnt put it there. He was very upset...and screaming that he knows nothing, screaming that now becuase of this tape our relationship will suffer. He was crying and keeping to himself last night. He has pretty much avoided me last night and today....very quiet...not looking at me too much. I only seen him for lunch however. I dont know what to think of it all. There is no way this tape is mine....nor could I have made or anyone in my house have made this tape (ie..the kids) I asked him who has been in his car lately and he said that the 3 usual women he goes to lunch with on Fridays, was in his car about month ago. So I asked if one of these women gave him the tape. He said no. But he went to work...and emailed them asking if anyone of them gave him a tape of love songs. I mean who does that? He copied the email and sent it to me! I was stunned! The thing that makes me nervous about this whole thing is...a couple of months ago I found that my husband had a email account on yahoo. He set up a personal page with his profile and what he would be looking for in a woman. Looks like he never really did anything on there and its quite old. No emails, no activity, no contacts or anything. But the two of these together bother me. Do you think I am jumping to conclusions here? I have no idea where this tape came from. What does everyone think?
FELIZE Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Well Hon, it's just a tape. For right now, I wouldn't read anymore into it because he did tell you that he is/was unaware of this tape & the yahoo email is old (but his blowing up and screaming makes you wonder). However what you should do from this point on is, KEEP MENTAL NOTE on things that he says and does, that are out of character, if he steps over the line, wherever YOU feel the line is, confront & take action!
JackJack Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 What does everyone think? I think he is busted thats what I think. The tape is obviously his that was meant for someone else. He got pissed and ignored you pretty much the rest of the night just becasue you asked. If hes not guilty why get that bent out of shape? Even though this yahoo account might be pretty much inactive he still set one up at some point without your knowledge and had a profile up looking for women, what does that tell you? He is also is going to great lengths to convince you of the tape situation by emailing the women he works with. Keep the tape if you still have it for now.
Mz. Pixie Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I agree with JackJack When cheaters are caught they always try to turn the tables on the other person "You're paranoid" "it's not me, it's you who is screwing around" He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. He got very angry and defensive. Where there is smoke there is fire. Put a keylogger on your computer or a tape recorder in his car. You'll find out.
everlong Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 do u remember the song i recorded and gave to you the nite of the phone call where doors were locked but i brought it over anyways knowing i was facing scorn will that's what music is to me healing and therapy i just finished the cake version of survive spent the day doing so its like getting a tatoo a mark that tells you you have opened your eyes put it in drive got on the road and go [not posting this to be mean because u understand what music is to me and if u download the cake version - u will understand - take care] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]at first i was afraid, i was petrified i kept thinkin' i could never live without you by my side but then i spent so many nights just thinkin' how you done me wrong and i grew strong, i learned how to get along and so you're back from outta space i just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face i should have changed my ****ing locks, i should have made you leave your key if i'd have known for just one second, you'd back to bother me[/sIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [sIZE=3]oh now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, you're not welcome anymore weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire did ya think I’d crumble, did you think i'd lay down and die? oh no, not i, i will survive. as long as i know how to love, i know i'll be alive; i've got all my life to live, i've got all my love to give i will survive, i will survive. hey hey.[/sIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]it took all the strength i had just not to fall apart now i’m trying' hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart, and i spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself. i used to cry but now i hold my head up high and you see me with somebody new i'm not that stupid little person still in love with you, and so you thought you’d just drop by, and just expect me to be free, can’t see I'm savin' all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me[/sIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]oh now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, you're not welcome anymore weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire did ya think I’d crumble, did you think i'd lay down and die? oh no, not i, i will survive. as long as i know how to love, i know i'll be alive; i've got all my life to live, i've got all my love to give i will survive, i will survive. hey hey.[/sIZE][/FONT][/COLOR]
Chapter2 Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 That's a bit of an over the top reaction for someone who knows nothing and is totally innocent. To jump to conspiracy theories and yelling is a red flag for you... Who harbors such hatred for him (and you for that matter) that they would take the time to make a cassette tape of love songs, plant it in his car simply to cause trouble in your marriage? That's a ton of trouble for someone he doesn't even know...think about it... But, if that's truly the case then I suggest filing a police report since someone is obviously tampering with your husband's vehicle. They will need to dust for prints and such just in case this psycho breaks into your house to frame your husband with an eight track tape. I don't mean to make light of anything you are going through, I'm just disgusted that he's trying to make it sound like he's a victim. If he truly is being victimized then I apologize in advance for doubting him. In talking about this tape...he started claiming since he knew nothing about it...someone must be setting him up. He said maybe someone planted it there to cause problems between us. He also said that it must have magically appeared because he didnt put it there. He was very upset...and screaming that he knows nothing, screaming that now becuase of this tape our relationship will suffer. He was crying and keeping to himself last night.
norajane Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 He's hiding something, I think. Tapes don't just magically appear from nowhere. Did those women he emailed reply? It's possible one of them had it and accidentally dropped it, or forgot it if it was hers and she had been playing it. How old is the tape? Does the box look fresh and new, or is it beat up like it had been in there for years? Are the songs current, or are they older?
stoopid_guy Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 He's hiding something, I think. Tapes don't just magically appear from nowhere. Did those women he emailed reply? It's possible one of them had it and accidentally dropped it, or forgot it if it was hers and she had been playing it. How old is the tape? Does the box look fresh and new, or is it beat up like it had been in there for years? Are the songs current, or are they older? Great questions. As far as why he'd be so defensive; Either he's hiding something or you've falsely accused him before? Hate to ask, but do you show him a lot of mistrust and/or jealousy?
Romeo Must Die Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 If he is cheating, you will be the last person to find out about it. A cheater will rarely come clean on his own, even with overwhelming evidence against him he will jump, yell, and scream out loud to proove you wrong. Of course you dont understand the arguement. You are not a cheater. You wouldn't know the mind games they play, or even how to respond to it. Your female instincts are kicking in. Pay attention to them. You asked a legitimate question, "Where did this tape (of love songs) come from?" and you got a highly implausable answer, "I dont know how that got there. Someone must have planted it to break us up." Poor bastard. He will tell you anything but the absolute truth. Be patient, you presented things too fast. If you want to catch him, you are going to have to play detective. After today, he is going to be a lot more careful about leaving things behind and if he hides & takes it underground, you will have to be ten times smarter than he is to catch him. Signs of cheating: Secretive phone calls Unreachable by phone Unexplained numbers on phone bill Never leaves the house without their cell phone/pager Hang up calls or someone always saying they've got the wrong number when you answer Hiding cell phone or pager Strange numbers on pager (codes) Hiding cell phone/home phone bills/credit card statements Phone bills changed from detailed to normal Acting different (short tempered, distant, defensive, etc.) Neglecting spouse/family/chores at home Picking fights over trivial things in order to get you to leave the house, or so they can leave the house Accusing you of cheating Withdrawing from you/family/friends Pointing out your flaws Little input into future plans with you Telling you your concerns about the relationship are "all in your head" Avoid any conversation with you other than basics. "when's dinner?" New interest in exercise/diet More time at the gym Sleeping alot New cologne/perfume New wardrobe Suddenly carrying breath fresheners with them constantly New password protection on computer Secret e-mail accounts Up on computer to all hours Closing dialogue windows on the computer when you walk into the room Erasing computer history after every use Unexplained purchases on credit card ATM withdrawals at unusual locations Extra mileage on the car Errands that should take 1/2 hour take much longer Claims to do things they've never done before Buying expensive flowers or gifts for no reason Getting a detailed daily itinerary from you so you won't cross paths Leaves early for work or comes home late more Claims to work overtime, yet no overtime on checks Mentioning a "friend" but never introducing you Too many visits to "friends" Giving you excuses, "She's just a friend." Lying about where they've been or whom they are with Coming home late saying they " just lost track of time" Regular friends to both of you acting weird or embarrassed around you Offers to go to the store when they usually wouldn't Sends you to the store when they could easily go themselves Unknown cigarette butts in ashtrays Passenger seat position changes Changes in sexual behavior with you or different techniques Hiding Viagra Hiding condoms
everlong Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 holy cow roms, that's a ton of signs that someone is cheating. it would drive me nuts trying to remember that list, and keep checking it to see if my partner was cheating. but you know what? i can honestly say, that when i am in a relationship, thinking about whether my partner would cheat on me really never enters my mind...when i go into a relationship its with the intent of 'staying in a relationship' and because i would never cheat, i naively believe a partner wouldn't either, so if someone ever cheated on me they would have to hit me over the head with a chunk of wood and yell 'HEY, OVER HERE! CHEATING ON YOU!" because i am a naturally trusting soul and i believe that people are innately good and the tempatation towards the dark side [luuuuuuuuuuc cheat on your gf], and the guilt associated, not to mention the freaking mess [because they always get caught - cheating invloves a fever of emotions - so u don't think straight] - i would think would be enuff to stop ya. however, i understand i am extremely in the minority here. i believe even toadstools have a higher belief in people cheating than i do. hmmmmmm.. i had to keep that
Romeo Must Die Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 It is 2 o'clock in the morning and a husband and his wife are asleep in bed, when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and then he screams out loud, "How the hell do I know - what am I, the weather man?" and slams the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks "Who was that?" The husband replies, "I don't know, it was some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear!"
Guest Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Thank you all so much for your advice. I think his reaction was over the top. I also think that if it was nothing he would have treated it so. Not have gotten so angry and upset and ignore me. The tape is not all shiny and new...but it is however in good condition. It has songs on there like, "How am I supposed to live with you", "I will always love you", A Lenny Kravitz song...ya know the standard love songs. But it is love songs front and back. And the email to these woman at work??! One did email back and said no...and he said the others just asked him what he was talking about. Like anyone would say...yes its mine..or he would tell me anyhow. Is that strange behavior? I have acted jealous in the past I have to admitt. It is a very recent thing though. (I would say ever since these items have poped up) I have been suspicious of a co-worker and asked him about it before. He has never really given me a real reason for him cheating...but these little incidents make me wonder. He has a cell...but he hardly uses it...I check the bill. He doesnt really work late...same time everyday. He comes home every night and doesnt hang out with friends or make phone calls. He is a good guy....sometimes pretty distant and that bothers me.....but is that normal? Its so hard sometimes. I hate feeling this way...and Im sure he doesnt like it either. I will make a note of it...and keep an eye out...but is that really healthy for a relationship?
Leikela Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 The way he got so defensive and freaked out about the tape is not a good sign. That is a guilty reaction. Being distant from you is NOT healthy for your relationship. He should be able to confide in you and trust you. If he set up a profile on Yahoo a while ago he may feel like there is something missing in your marriage. Maybe you should talk to him about your relationship and establish if you're both happy with it and if not, what steps you will take to improve it.
alphamale Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 who listens to cassette tapes anymore? you should be more worried that he is falling behind the times than if he's fooling around.
Mz. Pixie Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 An affair can be carried on at work or when someone is to be at work.
ddw5195 Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 I agree with JackJack When cheaters are caught they always try to turn the tables on the other person "You're paranoid" "it's not me, it's you who is screwing around" He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. He got very angry and defensive. Where there is smoke there is fire. Put a keylogger on your computer or a tape recorder in his car. You'll find out. I am not that good with computers, although the husband is and knows how to zip files etc. I really just know how to surf and do ls chat board. this may sound stupided of me but what is a keylogger?? and the recorder, well to me it wont work if he is playing music because it records voice so the whole tape will be used up before he gets past 9 am. I thought of this cause me and my husband and the things he does.
ddw5195 Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 It is 2 o'clock in the morning and a husband and his wife are asleep in bed, when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and then he screams out loud, "How the hell do I know - what am I, the weather man?" and slams the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks "Who was that?" The husband replies, "I don't know, it was some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear!" hahahaha:lmao:
Romeo Must Die Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 If he is having an affair, the hardest thing you will ever have to do is accept that he betrayed you. If you feel you can handle it, look deeper into his life and find out where this tape came from. Start from there, just don't discuss the details with your husband until you have something to throw at him. Play dumb. Feel me? A keylogger is a software program you install on the computer. It's invisible and runs in the background. It tracks every keystroke on the computer, email, websites, passwords, and every instant message convo. A much simpler way to go is to check the internet history. However, if I met someone online, or checked out a dozen personals ads, I could easily delete the history to cover my tracks, whereas the keylogger program would have that history of information saved. Thats it's purpose. There are new digital tape recorders that record for hours. If it's on Voice Activated Record, or V.O.R. it will shut off when he's not in the car. You would have to hide it in a spot nearest to him, like in the headrest or a car seat. A little razor and uhpolstery glue on the seams should work. Digital recorders are not that big. If he is a slob you could easily hide it in a McDonalds bag on the floor.
IpAncA Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Well I guess the tape just blew in the window then since no one is claiming where the tape came from. If someone was setting him up they would have had of had access to his car. What a lie. Why is he going out to lunch every Friday with these women? Are you sure he doesn't do it more often? Try a keylogger.
gracey Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 I found a CD that my h got furious over. Someone had burned it for him on the front it said #5. Turned out song five was a love song about wanting what you can't have. Yeah it was from the OW. Funny thing CD player in car didn't work he never got to listen to sound 5. Red flags are a flyin.
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