Kamille Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 ok here it is. this happened a few weeks ago and I guess I am turning to you guys for support, as my friends are tired of giving me the same move on move on advice. I am moving on, just not as fast as I thought I would. I met a guy at the end of August and we shared this amazing connection - this coming from both side. He was kind of in a rush to get into things and I was the one trying to slow things down. I had complete faith in him, I don't know how to explain it - it almost felt like I had found a soulmate. Anyways, we lived in two different cities and he was on vacation so he decided to come over to my place for a bit over a week. The first few days were great, he kept saying how amazed he was with how great he felt with me, we would talk all night, etc etc. then at one point, I remember the specific day, I noticed he was becoming distant. Long story short, his ex-girlfriend, and first love of his life, the one he had been trying to forget, had started writing him to tell him she'd figured it out, she still loved him, she was ready for him, he was the one for her, etc. He told me : "I hate myself but I still love her". As in he hates himself for still loving her. From what I gathered from what he said about their relationship and breakups, she doesn't sound like she was all that great to him (they broke up twice, she cheated on him with another man and cheated on other man with him). But he was convinced, up until and I guess into meeting me, that she was "the one" and even implied that there had to be a reason why he went through so much pain because of her ("yeah dude, because she treated you like sh**" is what I thought but did not say). So he left. They are now back together. And I am struggling with exactly how unfair the whole thing was to me. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.
Ssheena Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I've had that happen to me too. A couple of things I can tell you: 1) be glad that you found this out before getting too involved with him. 2) be glad he was honest with you. 3) be glad he doesn't live in the same town 4) and he's the one that gave up on a good thing (YOU!) and it's his loss. This is usually where I think, what a jerk and how much it really is his loss. Good luck.
Lostgurl Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I've had that happen to me too. A couple of things I can tell you: 1) be glad that you found this out before getting too involved with him. 2) be glad he was honest with you. 3) be glad he doesn't live in the same town 4) and he's the one that gave up on a good thing (YOU!) and it's his loss. This is usually where I think, what a jerk and how much it really is his loss. Good luck. I agree completely with Ssheena, he was honest, and it happened early in the relationship. It could have been a whole lot worse. You'll meet someone that your connected with again, no worries *smile*, there are plenty of good guys out there! Take care, Lostgurl
Author Kamille Posted October 12, 2006 Author Posted October 12, 2006 Thanks ssheena and lostgurl. I know you're both absolutely right and it's nice to hear it over and over again. Lostgurl, I found a link to the time you have been confronted to the same situation and I admire you for being able to let go so easily. I will keep focusing on believing the right guy is going to come along and sweep me off my feet!
Lostgurl Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Thanks ssheena and lostgurl. I know you're both absolutely right and it's nice to hear it over and over again. Lostgurl, I found a link to the time you have been confronted to the same situation and I admire you for being able to let go so easily. I will keep focusing on believing the right guy is going to come along and sweep me off my feet! Hi Kamille, It will happen! Believe me! I alway thought my ex was the right one. Now i'm not so sure if he thinks his ex is morei mportant than our relationship. But then again, maybe he'll smarten up (once again, like he did when he chose me over her) and realize that this frienship with his ex isn't as important as he makes it out to me. Hes very stubborn. But your man will come along, and hey... You can always have fun trying out the wrong ones hey??? Love, Lostgurl
johnnytable Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Consider yourself lucky. This guy has big issues if he is willing to go back to a relationship like that. Don't underestimate this. Fortunately you found this out now rather than later. What if his ex didn't want him back yet? What if it took her another 6 months? He would have hid his issues this whole time, leaving you in a much worse place 6 months from now. I know it sucks, but what happened is great given that you are no longer with somebody who has these problems. Watch out for his return and don't forget how he acted.
Author Kamille Posted October 13, 2006 Author Posted October 13, 2006 so true Johnnytable. Funny, my friends have been telling me this all along, but for some reason hearing it from you guys really makes it hit home. I feel better already. Thank you so much!
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