Amber81 Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 well where to start I have read a lot of post today and have questions that have still not seen asked in here....so here goes I am single mother of two children a soon to be 3 yr old son and a 7 yr old daughter. I just started dating this 34 yr old man (I am 25) this month. We have been out on 2 dates and have met way prior to that (he works with my father) and has been known to our family for nearly 6 yrs. I am soooo attracted to this man in so many ways I can not even begin to tell you. He has been divorced for 3 yrs now and has dated 2 girls prior to me, recently a few months ago ended a relationship (or so she did because he was ready to take it to the "more serious level" after 8 mos of dating and she wasn't looking for the "serious relationship at that point) anyways, here is my concern. I am 9 yrs younger than him, he has a soon to be 11 yr old girl, a 12 yr old boy and 14 yr old boy. I really really respect this man in soooo many ways! He has raised these kids for the past 3 yrs his now ex wife walked out and hasn't came back in 3 yrs. She has recently a wk ago called to tell him she is in another state and has an infant by another man who "walked out on her :)" sorry I had to smile, kinda gets what she deserves, can't believe a mother would just walk out on a kid then turn around and have another one. He has not told the kids about it I dont believe, it would devestate them I'm sure, nor will he let her "talk to them on the phone since her first contact last week" he has told her he is seeing someone (being me) and she isnt too excited about that. She has asked him to come home and work things out (they were married for 13 yrs) I can't compete with her nor do I want to, I really like this guy and he has reassured me on many occasions she means nothing to him now, not because she left him but of what she did to the kids and all the "correcting" her mistakes he has had to deal with. I really like him as you have read LOL and have for about 2 yrs now, just glad he finally asked me out the first of this month. we have since been on two dates (since we both have kids and work dating time is limited) however, we talk on the phone nightly and in the mornings before work and seem to be doing great. I'm not used to a guy taking things soooo slow. We have only had a "peck" for a kiss and cuddling during a movie. We are talking about taking a "jip work" day off to just hang out and talk at his place or whatever and I'm soooo excited. mainly cause I feel like I can't open up a lot or really "talk" with him like I want to in public....if you know what I mean (and no not sexually) that wont happen anytime soon. ok i know, get to the point. Point is I dont want to run him off I feel like I'm the one who initates a lot of the phone calls, he calls me to set the dates up however and text me quite a bit but I feel like maybe I'm doing too much. My father has already prewarned me he is not the (get with an easy girl type) and thats not me at all.....however I'm used to by now kissing a guy (a good kiss too) I'm scared and dont want to rush him but I am scared maybe I am looking like I'm "needy" by calling him or initating contact at times. I am soooo confused he tells me he wants to settle down again with someone and does not want to be single in the next 5 yrs for sure. I'm sorta getting the feeling he is "hinting" me, but not sure. his ex wife now making contact with him really makes me nervous too. Geez I dont want to get my heart broke again. should I talk to him about how I feel or give it a little bit more time. I know 2 dates isn't a lot but our phone calls last 4+hrs LOL, I know pathetic huh (single parents dont get out a lot usually, or atleast we dont) please help me, should I talk to him about this, wait awhile, not initiate contact with him first, not answer a few times when he calls, (I just dont want him to get the idea I'm like the last girl and she by all means was "very hard to get" didn't return calls, let him chase her, however I dont want him to assume I'm her and that I will break his heart) Please help.............. Amber
Walk Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Relationships are so complicated. *Sigh* I really feel you should be true to yourself. If you start trying to act like the last girl, you're going to throw some issues into the mix that don't need to be there. Just be yourself. The intelligent, responsible, fun person he asked out and talks with for hours at a time. I think the key to having it work is to continue your life as though he is a welcome addition, but not your ONLY focus. Keep balance in your life. If you want to go out with friends, or stay home some nights, then keep doing those things (assuming you actually had time. haha). You're a woman who's capable and intelligent, and if you really look like your avatar, your beautiful to boot. He'd be a moron to pass up a chance with you. Just remember that. Don't become the type of girl who feels she can't live without him, and is bird dogging him constantly. Maintain your sense of self, your hobbies and activities, show him you would like to spend time with him, but that if he isn't available then you're fine either way. You aren't going to pine away at home until he calls you again. I really wouldn't worry about the ex. Unless you're guy is a glutton for punishment then there's no way he'd touch her. To me, it sounds as if he's moved on... that the injury she caused to his kids was a line that can never be uncrossed. And I don't know if I would bring up the topic as far as how you feel regarding it. I think at most, if he brought it up, I would ask questions regarding how he feels and how it affects him. Try to give him a safe place to discuss it without fear of judgement. But I think the reason he brought it up at all was because he was appalled she even suggested it.. and also to let you know a little of what was going on because he wants you in his life. I think if he didn't care so much about you then he wouldn't have said anything. And I think if he was even somewhat contemplating it, then I really don't think he would've brought it up at all. Anyway... I think you have enough going on in your life that you won't have to fake not having time for him. hahah Just be confident, self-assured in who you are. Enjoy the time you two spend together, and don't let yourself fall into that trap of "I have to have him". You think he's a great guy and you like him, but you're life will be fine without him too. That's the kind of mentality you need to keep right now. If he chooses to make himself a larger part of your life, then that mentality can change. Until then... It's just two people who enjoy each others company when available.
Author Amber81 Posted October 12, 2006 Author Posted October 12, 2006 Thanks a bunch I couldn't wait to get off work today to see if anyone would give advise. Yes, I am the avatar *S* and thanks for the comment! Sometimes I dont really feel like I know what to do in a "dating" relationship. I've only had a couple serious relationships and have never really "dated" before. Thanks again and hope to read your post soon!
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