UGHdating Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 First time on the site - pretty neat..... So here's my question to the GUYS in community. How do you tame a player? Is that even possible? Why do I ask this? Well let me give some background. I broke up with my boyfriend, who I was with for 5 years, almost now 2 years. Since then I really haven't found anyone that has really caught my attention. Until now. I really like this guy and I know he likes me (wow that sounds so high school lol) IN any case I am not sure how much he really likes me as I feel like to him I am just a challenge to "lay" me. Through friends he is known as a player. Though I am sure he may be thinking the same about me. Because I have been know to serial date, that's only because I am picky as hell and probably because I think most guys only think of three things, eat sleep and sex. So this guy and I have been hanging out alot recently, I have even slept over at his place twice Although nothing has happend - he has only gotton to second base and my rules are - you don't get to go Home with me until you really earned it and that usually doesn't happend until our 20th date (or 2 - 3 months) or so - seriously. He tells me differnt things sometimes, he says he is not looking for a committed relationship then he tells me how he can't believe how comfortable he is with me and that he can see him with me. BUT THATS all talk AND his actions doesnt really help as they are just as confusing. In any case, I don't even know how to act or what are the rules of the game as it hasssss been so long since i have really been interested in someone like this and started to hang out with a guy like this. Even prior to my last ex - I was young nieve and seemed to find myself in alot of bad relationships - thus the reason why I instated my 20th date rule. SHEESH I am writing alot. SORRY. So here's the other thing, and I am not trying to sound conceited or anything. I am not bad looking girl, kinda on the hot side - and I know this because I get hit on quite a bit on a daily basis - seriously, if you get hit on like how I do, it does make your head tend to swell. So I really think his game is to see if he can lay me, as that's what most guys are all about - the challenge. I can't really tell - he himself is absolutely gourgous - in fact I know of several several girls who are "jocking' Him. Okay that's the story - SO FELLAS in the community What are rules, suggestions, etc can you tell me in HOW I CAN SNAG this guy? What are some things that if you were or are a player that would make you go "whoa" That's a woman I wanna be with. I am looking on some advice on how the play the game - though no one likes to play the game - its just the fact of life, that everyone plays the game- you just need to know Who's got the tightest game? you know? Thanks everyone!
Pyro Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 He is called a player for the simple reason that he is a player. I really don't think that he can be "snagged" at this point. He will stop being a player when he is ready to be. From what you wrote, he only thinks of you as a challenge. Don't fall for his games. Go for someone who is not a player.
Walk Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I agree with Riddler. There isn't a "rule" book on how to snag a player because usually they decide when they want to quit being a player. Anyway... since we don't know his true feelings on the subject. Prepare yourself for the worst. Hope for the best. I got caught up with a string of men who were players in the past. And I think I learned a couple things. (This doesn't apply to all situations though.) Most the players I've met have been good guys. (minus two who were just creeps) The decent guys had such a fear of being nailed down, or fear of being trapped. They meant what they said, but a lot of times what they felt changed rather quickly. And I found that the chase wasn't about just getting sex.. the chase was about finding someone who was going to keep them wanting more. They wanted the excitment to last beyond that first sexual encounter. Not just have the girl become a clingy, desperate mess afterward and smoother them with attention. A lot of the men I've talked to... they'd chase a girl, have sex with her, and the moment after sex the woman started moving her stuff in. Even if a woman even hinted in that direction it would scare the guy and he'd dissappear. All I'm saying is... be independent, confident, and self-reliant. When you spend time with him, treat it like it's something that is lived moment to moment. Experienced and enjoyed, but don't attempt to hold on to him forever. Go out with friends, keep living your life. Its kind of an intangible idea of, "If you want me, I'll make time.. but if you don't, then I'm happy and will continue living my life." But you have to believe it. Not just pretend. Enjoy the time you two spend together, and take it moment by moment and build up that trust in him until he doesn't fear that you'll try to take over his life. If he's an ass, then do not be afraid to walk away. Anyway.. just my thoughts on the subject.
moman Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Self-confession: I am a guy and a major player. To get this guy do what the above poster says - be confident but don't play TOO hard to get. Players like me go after the chase and once the woman submits we decide whether we want to be with her or not. But the problem is when women play TOO hard to get because they are scared to be hurt by us. Well, that's a lose-lose situation for all parties involved. The kind who become overly emotional or psycho (and that's a LOT) will NEVER snag a player. You sound like a nice girl who has a solid chance of roping this guy in.....good luck.
tanbark813 Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Well, first off, I'd drop the "he has to earn it" attitude. I avoid girls like that because they tend to be too controlling. Secondly, if he is a player and is only after sex, then it doesn't matter if it happens on the 3rd date or 20th date.
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 If this guy likes you, and I mean really really likes ya, then he'll stop being a player and take a chance. He has his own issues, insecurities, emotional baggage maybe...Who knows why he is the way he is, but just shield your heart. You know the type of person he is, he's been honest enough with you, letting you know that he is interested, but not interested in something long term and serious...So, with that being said, you can take a chance yet take it slow so you don't get hurt, or you can end it now, save yoruself from pain. If I were you, I'd go for it and just enjoy things as they happen!
allina Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 First, as a grown woman thinking of dating in terms of "players, jocking and tightest game" may make finding a respectable relationship difficult. Also, I don't really see how he is a "player" maybe he just does't want a relationship, or want one with you. Are you looking for him to commit to you right now?
Yamaha Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Do you want him because he is a player and desired by lots of other girls? If you are plotting on how to land him and using sex as a carrot then you are just as much a player as him.
nicki Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Like others have said, a player stops becoming a player when HE wants to. If has already come to that place, and he meets the "right" girl, then it will be natural that he wants a close, intimate relationship. It's like when a woman doesn't want to get married. Then she suddenly meets a guy and gets engaged. She was simply ready at the same time a guy who met her expectations came along. Years earlier, she might have dated the same guy and not married him.....now, she marries him because of an internal shift in her mind. So, you can't catch a player. And you really shouldn't want to either. They are doing what they are doing because they want to. Don't try to change them. Just date them casually. Meet them on their level. Don't talk marriage, etc.... See what happens from there. Let things unfold. Have fun moment to moment, but be true to yourself about what you want. Leave at anytime you feel you are compromising yourself or have less power than he does over the relationship. And the whole idea of making a guy "earn it" could be better put that you want to wait until it "feels right and undeniable that it must happen." Getting to that feeling DOES take time (although you CAN speed it up with a lot of alcohol and groping! )
tanbark813 Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Like others have said, a player stops becoming a player when HE wants to. If has already come to that place, and he meets the "right" girl, then it will be natural that he wants a close, intimate relationship. It's like when a woman doesn't want to get married. Then she suddenly meets a guy and gets engaged. She was simply ready at the same time a guy who met her expectations came along. Years earlier, she might have dated the same guy and not married him.....now, she marries him because of an internal shift in her mind. So, you can't catch a player. And you really shouldn't want to either. They are doing what they are doing because they want to. Don't try to change them. Just date them casually. Meet them on their level. Don't talk marriage, etc.... See what happens from there. Let things unfold. Have fun moment to moment, but be true to yourself about what you want. Leave at anytime you feel you are compromising yourself or have less power than he does over the relationship. And the whole idea of making a guy "earn it" could be better put that you want to wait until it "feels right and undeniable that it must happen." Getting to that feeling DOES take time (although you CAN speed it up with a lot of alcohol and groping! ) This is great advice.
Author UGHdating Posted October 13, 2006 Author Posted October 13, 2006 [FONT="]To Everyone that replied: Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. To Walk: My original thoughts exactly - I guess I just needed the reassurance.... I just hope I do really believe in it myself instead of pretending that I believe in it. Yes, I am one of those girls who likes to think of herself as a Strong independent woman, I am not one of those girls that rely on the happiness of a man. But of course everyone at some point becomes vulnerable. Your advice is soo appreciated. To Allina - Yes you maybe right as far as my terms of lingo - but that's how I can explain it in the realist terms. I may sound on the ghetto side, that’s probably because I grew up in the ghetto - thus the "tough" side of me but I am an educated woman who came up from the ghetto who works hard and plays hard, earns a good living in a very respectable career and knows what’s a respectable relationship. In any case I am not offended with your comments and I appreciate your honesty. And NO at the time I am not looking for a TOTAL committd relationship as of right now; I just don't want my heart to be broken. Maybe down the line I may want one, but as for now, no. To yamaha - I had to really think about what you said before I responded only because I wasn't sure at first if you were right on the dot? We all want what we cant have and we all want to be the first to get that thing that others want as well - RIGHT? But honestly after thinking about it, NO I don't want him just because of the other girls. And As for the last part, using sex as a carrot making me just as much as a player - Well, I have never heard of that before....Though my reasoning is that once I give in to have sex, I lose the power. I don't think I am ready to hand him the ball in court. To Nicki - YES You said it correctly - It not that meant to say he had to earn it, BUT only when I feel comfortable and that there is that trust that I wont get hurt. Your advice is much appreciated! THANK YOU AGAIN EVERYONE! [/FONT]
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