Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Okay, so me & my boyfriend of almost 3 years were just on the phone and he all of a sudden told me that I deserved better! He told me that he cheated on me a few weeks ago, and that I didn't deserve that. I asked him why he did it and he said he didn't know... Now here I am - broken hearted and don't know what to do! He was my very first boyfriend (I'm 19) and I love him to pieces! He's my world. What do I do? Do I take him back and work though it, or try to move on with my life? How do I even start to cope? I always said that I didn't tolerate cheating AT ALL, and now I finds out that he slept with someone else, in another state, who I don't even know! What do I do?? Helppp!!
Confuggled_one Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 chances are if he does it to you now and he is tellin you that you deserve someone else, he will do it again. i think you should just move on.. as hard as it is. my ex cheated on me too.. just.. move on.. that's your best bet
everlong Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 "my boyfriend of almost 3 years were just on the phone and he all of a sudden told me that I deserved better! He told me that he cheated on me a few weeks ago, and that I didn't deserve that. I asked him why he did it and he said he didn't know..." just thought i would point out how common that 'reason' is...and that how telling someone after you have cheated that they 'deserve' better. it is really not about the other person deserving better, it is about the person feeling guilty they cheated. the key is the answer he gave as to why he did so...you state he says he didn't know....that is the real issue...everything else doesn't matter in my opinion.. and to be honest, if someone i was with cheated on me - i wouldn't think of them as 'less' or that i 'deserved' more...because their actions have more to do with what they 'need and deserve' than i do...and would i forgive someone that cheated...yes. would i be able to be with someone again that cheated again, yes. and i say this only because, in life, we all make mistakes, it is how we recover and deal with them that matters.
Cheshire Cat Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Do I take him back and work though it, or try to move on with my life? Deciding whether to take him back is a decision you alone can make, since you know him, and your own dealbreakers, better than anyone on here; but please pay attention to whatever he is saying - or doing. Did he ask you to take him back? Did the "you deserve better" part sound more like a way to say he is feeling really bad about it, or was he kind of advising you against getting back together with him? (Experience taught me that when someone starts advising you to dump them, it's always better to listen.) What do you know about the girl he cheated on you with? What do you know about the cheating? Was it a single episode?
everlong Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 just a quick clarification.....taken from personal experience... Did SHE ask you to take her back? No, she did not, and I never expected her to ask Did the "you deserve better" part sound more like a way to say he is feeling really bad about it, or was he kind of advising you against getting back together with him? Both. Either way, it is not about me - it is a sign that they feel damaged and that is something only they can repair. (Experience taught me that when someone starts advising you to dump them, it's always better to listen.) And if you are a good listener you 'hear' what they are saving because this is not about you - its is their buzz baby! What do you know about the guy she cheated on you with? Doesn't matter. That would be her deal. What do you know about the cheating? Was it a single episode? You only way you will ever know is if the person decides that 'honesty' is how they want to live their life. Because when u think about it, it isn't about what happened or continues, it about the person's ability to do something that will enrich their life [being honest]. Simple stuff really.
Speechless03 Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Deciding whether to take him back is a decision you alone can make, since you know him, and your own dealbreakers, better than anyone on here; but please pay attention to whatever he is saying - or doing. Did he ask you to take him back? Did the "you deserve better" part sound more like a way to say he is feeling really bad about it, or was he kind of advising you against getting back together with him? (Experience taught me that when someone starts advising you to dump them, it's always better to listen.) What do you know about the girl he cheated on you with? What do you know about the cheating? Was it a single episode? -- Actually no he didn't ask me to take him back .. he got upset, told me I didn't deserve this and told me that I needed more! [ he didn't even apologize? does he even want me back? ] -- And yes he actually came out and told me that it has been bothering him ever since and he couldn't live with hisself if he didn't tell me! -- I don't know anything about the girl he cheated with. She's from another state and it's where he lived with his sister for a few months earlier this year! He had to stay there a few nights before flying back to where he is now. All he said was that I didn't know her! -- I'm not exactly sure about anything regarding the cheating. I think it was a single episode, but I know he did sleep with her! I just have sooo many questions that I want answered, but I know they won't help me cope. How do I cope with a situation like this? - trying to go to university, coping with a break-up that my b/f cheated on me?? I just don't know where to start? Why hasn't he called me? Is it that he doesn't want me back? or doesn't want me anymore?? Please help .. this is my first b/f and so my first break-up! And I just don't know what to do, and how to go about my daysss!!! xo!
Cheshire Cat Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I don't know really know what would be best for you if he asked you to get back together with him - it would be up to you to decide. The only advice I have for you is: do not be the one calling him, running after him and asking him to get back together after he cheated on you. Expecially do not just offer to forgive him and get back together with him if he does not at least apologize, tells and expecially *shows* you he is sorry or makes a step in your direction. If you did such a thing, you would be basically telling him that it's okay to cheat on you and you'll be there for him and take him back no matter what he does.
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