Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 I just entered an NC. I honestly feel like it was the adult thing to do and I explained it to him this morning. I told him that I was doing him no favor by distracting him from his wife and really felt terrible about it. I feel like a bad person. I know I'm not - but I can't help but feel like I did the wrong thing. I DO understand by reading this website that other women are not bad people. They are usually good people that fell into something they had no control over (falling in love). and that was my situation. I had no intention of having an A with a MM but he was so nice and it felt so good whenever he was around. I could not deny feelings for him and the A took off like a speeding frieght train. I could not stop it. But eventually I realized that I do not want the pain of being the OW. I see what that is like now. IT HURTS! I also realize that I deserve all the pain I'm getting because he was not mine for the taking and his wife would be devasted if she knew. SO! I talked to him this am. He was not happy, but who could argue. I think it's more an ego thing more than anything else. He says he loves me and I believe his does, and I DEFINETLY love him! Because I do, I really want what's best for him. I want him to be happy. And I think this is what's best for him. But anyway, back to my question: How do I keep my mind off this? How do OW find other passions or "highs" to keep their minds off their MM during their NC? I really want to succeed with the NC, but know I will weaken very soon unless I have something else to give me the same "high" that the affair did. I really do love him, but could live without him knowing I'm doing the right thing - but I know I may get bored and miss the thrill of his little e-mails, voice mails, "I love you" etc. Please help, I don't want to revert and be back in the A
lover's rock Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Go bungee jumping! (sorry couldn't resist ) The main thing is to keep busy. You've made a very important step in your life. Take it a day at a time and change your schedule. Be too busy to look for a phone call or an email. Buy a dog, birds, and some fish. Join some dating sites. Change your furniture around in your house. Go on vacation. It'll take time but you can do it. Congrats on making this important decision
Freedom Now Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Congratulations. Welcome to the other side. There are many of us here. You will have good days and bad days. Expect it. Immerse yourself in your work, take a class, and get out and exercise. Take good care of yourself, eat healthy, take your vitamins and know that you will feel stronger as the days go by. But, you will feel the lows of missing him. Expect it. It will happen. And, he may break NC. Don't answer his calls, e-mails, nada. Stay on the right road. The road to healing. The road to self respect. Welcome. You are amongst friends.
kkat Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 A couple of things - One - if you slip in NC - let it be a temporary slip, forgive yourself, and get back on track. Remember that most people slip in no contact, just like in AA, Weight Watchers, and everything else. It's progress not perfection! Really focus on this PLEASE and go for PROGRESS and don't stop altogether if you make a small or even big slip, please????? Secondly, find something to do to keep you busy, or a few things, and be realistic. For example, if you think you need a gallon of ice cream to help you the first night, bring it on. You can bust out the jogging shoes in week two, you know???? TV, movies, shopping, phone, sleeping, cleaning, whatever. I got a dog and not only did it work for me with the MM but she changed my life in every way. PLEASE consider adopting a dog or cat from a local shelter - these are the other men and women of the pet world and they will love you like there is no tomorrow! Please consider it! Good luck to you!
Island Girl Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I got a dog and not only did it work for me with the MM but she changed my life in every way. PLEASE consider adopting a dog or cat from a local shelter - these are the other men and women of the pet world and they will love you like there is no tomorrow! Please consider it! GREAT IDEA! - You can devote all of that love and affection to something that will continue to be there day after day. -- I read the post and the thing that stands out to me the most about OW posts is usually there are statements about the MM being happy - he has been happy. He has had his cake and eaten it too. YOU need to be happy. You need someone who can think about your wants and needs as a priority just like you seem to be doing for him. You deserve more from a relationship. Get back to the basics of treating yourself well - make yourself #1 and treat yourself to things that make you feel better. He saw a need in you that he could use to get close to you. (It is often the case) Making you feel special and wanted was the key to the lock. You give yourself the key so to speak. You need to provide yourself with your basic happiness, self-acceptance, and self-love. By doing this, there isn't a man out there who can take advantage of you and you will find a lasting respectful relationship.
PoshPrincess Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I just entered an NC. I honestly feel like it was the adult thing to do and I explained it to him this morning. I told him that I was doing him no favor by distracting him from his wife and really felt terrible about it. I feel like a bad person. I know I'm not - but I can't help but feel like I did the wrong thing. I DO understand by reading this website that other women are not bad people. They are usually good people that fell into something they had no control over (falling in love). and that was my situation. I had no intention of having an A with a MM but he was so nice and it felt so good whenever he was around. I could not deny feelings for him and the A took off like a speeding frieght train. I could not stop it. But eventually I realized that I do not want the pain of being the OW. I see what that is like now. IT HURTS! I also realize that I deserve all the pain I'm getting because he was not mine for the taking and his wife would be devasted if she knew. SO! I talked to him this am. He was not happy, but who could argue. I think it's more an ego thing more than anything else. He says he loves me and I believe his does, and I DEFINETLY love him! Because I do, I really want what's best for him. I want him to be happy. And I think this is what's best for him. But anyway, back to my question: How do I keep my mind off this? How do OW find other passions or "highs" to keep their minds off their MM during their NC? I really want to succeed with the NC, but know I will weaken very soon unless I have something else to give me the same "high" that the affair did. I really do love him, but could live without him knowing I'm doing the right thing - but I know I may get bored and miss the thrill of his little e-mails, voice mails, "I love you" etc. Please help, I don't want to revert and be back in the A Jeez, I could've written this thread myself, although unfortunately my MMs W did find out - which is why it had to end. I am finding NC very difficult but keep telling myself it's the best thing for him as I don't want to f*** his or his kids' lives up anymore. We all need to support each other - this is what we're here for!!! The encouraging words I have received on here from other people going through the same things are what have kept me going this far. Best of luck
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