New to dating and really

[TheSingleLife]

So I'm newly single after being in a relationship for 8 years. I recently met a guy online a couple of months ago. We talked quite a bit on the phone and after 2 weeks decided to meet up. After that, I went away for vacation and when I came back I called him and he called me. The first two weeks he was extremely busy so getting together was difficult. We eventually found a day when we'd both be free and he said he'd call me back with the details. I dont hear from him until I emailed him late that night asking him what's the deal and if we're not getting together I have plans with another friend.

 

He said that he did indeed want to meet up but that he wouldnt be able to go out that late and said that another day would be more convient for him. He then again say's he'll call me with the plans. And once again, i do not hear from him until the actual day after work, while I was taking a shower and getting ready, he called twice, the last one saying his parking spot was about to expire and he was going home. So needless to say, I'm a little upset and dont feel that much of a priority, but we agree to once again try the following week. He then emails me the night of saying that he could not make it because he has plans with his mother (it was a holiday but he suggested that day).

 

Anyways, after 3 strikes, he's out and I emailed him a nice email saying it seems our schedules are so off that it doesnt look like it's going to work out. Basically thanks but bye bye. He emails me back saying that he understood but would hate to lose my friendship and I'm welcome to hang out with him and his friends anytime.

 

I've given him plenty of opportunities to back out gracefully. Why does he show interest if he's not really interested? And if he's interested, why is he not showing enough interest? The least he could do is actually call me a day b4 to confirm the plans of when and where we'll meet. Since he does not do this, I figure he's not interested. Which is cool, it happens. But then why suggest to go out?

[SoleMate]

Why does he show interest if he's not really interested?

It costs very little to make a quick call or email now and then.

 

And if he's interested, why is he not showing enough interest?

Poor relationship skills?

 

...I figure he's not interested....then why suggest to go out?

Some people are looking for dates or relationships that are very low effort and undemanding. It's the romantic equivalent of sitting on the couch, saying you're hungry, but not making the effort to get off the couch and head for the fridge to find something to eat. When he gets REALLY hungry, or hears of somethign that sounds REALLY tasty, and he's sure that food won't be dropping in his lap any time soon, and that he cannot wheedle or cajole someone to bring him food without him moving, he'll be able to make that walk into the kitchen.

 

His motivations (or lack thereof) are pretty clear. What I don't understand is why YOU don't just reach the obvious conclusion - he's not worth your time - and short-circuit any other analysis. Plenty of fish in the sea, my dear. You get better quality men with a little more chutzpah and a go-getter attitude.

[Hungryhorse]

Hi there, if its any help I have come across this many times and think it is something about the internet that makes some cowardly inscrupulous people play with others feelings, they use dating sites as a bit of light entertainment and an ego boost, it is just too easy. Think more than likely this guy was married, have heard 1 in every 3 guys are on the internet, hence his unwillingness to commit to a particular date and his motives for stringing you along, ie he has a wife/live in girlfriend who could quite easily change his plans for him, though he is never going tell you that, he is going to continue with a catalogue half baked excuses. He never met you so it couldn't be chemistry. I wouldn't give this time waster one more second of your valuable time, you definitely deserve better.

[Mary3]

I smell a rotten fish here....He talks on the phone and then knows you will be away for 2 weeks . Then when you come back he is busy busy.....and when you try to meet : busy.

 

He is :

 

A) Married

B) Girlfriend

C) Shy and can't really go through with it

D) Fugly

E) Heard your voice and lost interest . ( this one I doubt the most )

[TheSingleLife]

I just re-read my post and I guess I didnt make it very clear. We met up once, after talking 2 weeks. Then I went on vacation. Now, you all are going to say it's cos we met up and there's no chemistry. Which is what my initial thought was. But he was the one who initiated all the calls. He called me twice before going away wishing me a safe trip and to call him when i got back. When I got back, I called him, and then he continued to call me the following two weeks, but he kept saying how busy he was.

 

I'm not sure if he's married. I asked him directly and he said he's never been married. Sure he could still lie, but most people are caught off gaurd when I ask them that directly, and he seemed to be telling the truth.

 

GF, possible. My friends think he's just keeping his options open, probably dating multiple people and keeping me as backup. I'm thinking that it's either this, or he has problems committing. This is his 3rd career change, which raised a lot of red flags but I was willing to go for the ride to see where it goes.

 

Anyways, after thinking about it for a few days, I'm glad I ended it. I wasnt feeling very confident in the "relationship" and this is the last thing I want to feel after being in a bad relationship.