guessed Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 and gear situations towards them getting as much sex as possible whilst in the early (or all) stages of a relationship. The reason I ask is because my new boyfriend was being all sweet as pie, saying all the right things, seems to be very much into me, and yet, if I ask to see him any night that he cannot stay over for the night, he makes excuses. This makes me believe that he is only interested in staying the night and having sex, despite his proclamations of deep infatuation and fascination with me. If I then make excuses for those nights that he can sleep over, he simply says "fine, see you soon".
Walk Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I think you found a dud. I know a majority of men are sexually driven, but to only see you if he can get some is a lot like "using" you. It sounds like if he doesn't get instant gratification (or a reward that night) for coming to see you, then he won't bother. And that's not how a relationship should be. Sex should be a byproduct of wanting to share each other in all ways. Not just one way.
amaysngrace Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I think you found a dud. I couldn't agree more. He sounds like he wants one thing from you. Don't degrade yourself by being used by this loser. Find someone you're worthy of.
stoopid_guy Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 A third vote for "dud." I don't think "give as little as needed to get what I want" is true of all men, or specific to men though. Some people (of both genders) are just selfish and inconsiderate.
Tony T Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 and gear situations towards them getting as much sex as possible whilst in the early (or all) stages of a relationship. The reason I ask is because my new boyfriend was being all sweet as pie, saying all the right things, seems to be very much into me, and yet, if I ask to see him any night that he cannot stay over for the night, he makes excuses. This makes me believe that he is only interested in staying the night and having sex, despite his proclamations of deep infatuation and fascination with me. If I then make excuses for those nights that he can sleep over, he simply says "fine, see you soon". This is something you shouldn't put up with. However, I would guess that you had sex with him too soon in the relationship -for him to achieve the kind of bond of affection that would drive him to want to be with you regardless of sex. That kind of bond takes time. Whether or not that could ever achieved with him is impossible to predict. Your situation is one more good argument for waiting a while to have sex. If you jumped right into it with him, you are responsible for this guy being in your life....and you are responsible for getting him out if you don't want to ride it for a while.
typhonblue Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 This is something you shouldn't put up with. However, I would guess that you had sex with him too soon in the relationship -for him to achieve the kind of bond of affection that would drive him to want to be with you regardless of sex. That kind of bond takes time. Whether or not that could ever achieved with him is impossible to predict. Your situation is one more good argument for waiting a while to have sex. If you jumped right into it with him, you are responsible for this guy being in your life....and you are responsible for getting him out if you don't want to ride it for a while. I had sex with my husband after knowing him for 2 weeks. We're still together after 9 years. Waiting isn't the issue. Innate compatibility is. To the original poster... do you actually like this guy? Do you feel comfortable yet intrigued by his company? It sounds like he doesn't like you enough to spend time with you without an incentive. (Although sex with someone I don't dig seems to me like a punishment rather then an incentive.)
Guessed Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Thanks for all the helpful replies. I waited a good few months. When we did have sex, I felt very comfortable about it, as he had seemed to be really into me. The thing is that I like alot of space in relationships, and like to spend time on myself especially at certain times, if I am not feeling too good, but I also like a bit of spontanaiety. When I had said that I wasn't sure about where things were going to go before, he got extremely upset, I mean very emotional and upset. All of these things, and the sweet words, led me to believe that he was very much into me, in all ways. Now since we have had sex, he has been like this. I did say that I wasnt sure how much I would be seeing him as I have a lot of work to do. However, I have been very verbal in reassuring him that I still care about him. I would have thought, as he seemed so into me, that he would have jumped at the chance to see me, but he has not. He instead has tried to steer things to him only seeing me on Saturday night when he does not have to work Sunday. This has happened a few times, since we had sex. I have tried to make a point by refusing to see him at weekends, but he doesn't seem to understand. Yes, thankyou everyone. It seems I picked a dud. He seemed so very genuine, it just shows doesn't it.
dgiirl Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Instead of trying to make indirect points, why dont you ask him straight out what the deal is?
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