Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 MM and I have been seeing each other for about 3 months. We started as friends and quickly became more. His wife had a massive stroke 3 years ago and is unable to be there for him emotionally or physically. He will never be free to pursue a fulltime relationship with me, as much as he said he would love to. There is no one else to care for his wife and he would feel too guilty if he placed her in an assisted living facility. I understand all of this and am willing to wait to see what happens in the future, since our relationship is so new. I have never met anyone that I am more compatible with and enjoy being with as much as I do MM. We have been on 2 trips together so far and have had the best time. All of this sounds wonderful, but the problem is that MM is obviously only available at certain times. Last night was one of them. We had spent the weekend together and Monday nite also. I am a SW with a 17 year son, who can be quite manipulative and controlling. On Monday nite, I had some major issues with him, which MM was aware of. Due to the problems that occurred, I opted out of seeing MM last nite at his house. I told him I loved him, but I needed some sleep and time to myself. His wife is out of town visiting relatives until today, so he was free to see me. He seemed to get an attitude when I explained the situation. After I hung up, I sent him an email, explaining that I am trying to learn to take better care of myself and that it has nothing to do with our relationship. Later in the evening, I received a text saying if I have problems with son, to call him. Normally, we email back and forth all day. Today when I came in no email, so I sent one asking if he was upset and if so I would like to talk about it. Still no response. I did offer to come over last nite, but I wanted to go home early. He responded with I don't want time restraints, so I said I would just stay home. I feel that he wants total control of our time together. He expects me to always be available at his beck and call. In my email to him last nite, I said that is not possible for either of us. I really enjoy being with him, but I can't have any relationship on these terms, with MM or SG either. This is not the first time, he has become upset, if I say I can't or won't see him. He says it's because he doesn't get much time with me, so he wants to spend every available minute he can together. I understand and respect that, but I don't know how to deal with this situation. At this point, I have sent 2 emails and I refuse to continue to try to contact him, if he doesn't want to communicate. I thought about calling at work, but knew he wouldn't be able to talk, so I have opted to just wait and see what happens. I love him very much and don't want this to end, but at this point, I am at a loss as what to do about the situation. I just need some advice on what to do or not do next. I know this is not the ideal relationship, but I really care for this man and I feel he cares for me too! Should I just remain silent until if or when he decides to contact me again or should I do something else? I have mixed feelings at this point and am so confused, as to why this is such an issue for him.
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 I know a MM going through the same thing, but his W is stuck in the bed 24/7. She knows about his OW too. She understands and as long as he doesn't leave her, she's ok with it. She even let OW take care of her for awhile, but OW couldn't handle it.... the guilt got to her. She bonded with W while looking after her and said it was to hard to be with MM after being with his W all day. So she stopped taking care of W. I myself thought it was a great way for him to live his life while still taking care of a very understanding mature W. It was the OW whom couldn't form a bond with both. She did give it her best shot though which makes her even more special to him more than before. Is this something that might would work for you?
GreenEyedLady Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 When I see situations like these, it really magnifies what A are...I can't imagine the W being stuck in a bed knowing her H is f-ing someone else and she can't do anything about it...and having the OW take care of the W, OMG that is total disrespect...(not saying that A are respectful anyways but aren't there any boundaries?) Guest Thread: Why are you going to let him dictate everything? He is the one who has to keep you...you can always go find someone else...also do you have sufficient evidence about his W or are you just relying on his word about her being an invalid...MM are notorious liars...he maybe didn't call back because she came back early...
Seen_It_All Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 That's kind of confusing - his wife is unable to 'be there emotionally and physically for him' since her stroke, yet she's capable of leaving home for a few days to visit out of town relatives? I don't get it. I would have assumed that if she were the emotionless, helpless zombie he's portraying her to be, the relatives would have had to come to their house to visit. Perhaps she's not the "shell" of a person he's got you believing she is. GreenEyedLady is correct - these guys are NOTORIOUS liars. But in all fairness, that's no surprise to you because you SEE him lying and deceiving this poor, helpless 'shell' of a creature every single day that he's involved with you and lying to her about it. Awwww, he had a tantrum because it was convenient for HIM to have his playmate over the other night, and you didn't drop everything and make HIM the center of your universe? This guy is a flaming a*sshole. Let's make sure I understand this. He chooses to DISRESPECT his wife by lying to her, cheating on her, and having his girlfriend in her HOUSE while she's visiting relatives. Further, he expects YOU to totally disrespect YOUR son by ignoring him and ditching him for the night, just to run over to MM's house to show him a good time? Please. I repeat - FLAMING A*SSHOLE. Not only are you wasting your BREATH on this slime bag, but you're lowering yourself to an all new low by going into that poor woman's HOUSE. Jesus, isn't it bad enough that you're sleeping with her husband and helping him deceive her every single day? A supposedly unhealthy woman whose had the LIFE robbed out of her by a stroke? Are you proud of yourself? Then, you have to go for the tri-fecta and stain her HOUSE with your presence to BOOT? Boy, you and that paragon of virtue you're wasting your life with are sure going to be surprised when scientists finally discover the center of the universe - and you two aren't IT.
Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 When I see situations like these, it really magnifies what A are...I can't imagine the W being stuck in a bed knowing her H is f-ing someone else and she can't do anything about it...and having the OW take care of the W, OMG that is total disrespect...(not saying that A are respectful anyways but aren't there any boundaries?)QUOTE] The W was trying to be realistic about it and let her H live his life as she knows she won't last that much longer. It was never disrespectful to them. I thought it was a very mature and loving thing to do for her H. She wants to know that somebody will be there for him and love him after she's gone. She thinks very highly of OW, the appreciation for her is adequately placed if you know what I mean. It's truly a selfless act of love for another. It shows that people can love no matter what, that they can forgive and go on with the more important things in life.
Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 That's kind of confusing - his wife is unable to 'be there emotionally and physically for him' since her stroke, yet she's capable of leaving home for a few days to visit out of town relatives? I don't get it. I would have assumed that if she were the emotionless, helpless zombie he's portraying her to be, the relatives would have had to come to their house to visit. Perhaps she's not the "shell" of a person he's got you believing she is. GreenEyedLady is correct - these guys are NOTORIOUS liars. But in all fairness, that's no surprise to you because you SEE him lying and deceiving this poor, helpless 'shell' of a creature every single day that he's involved with you and lying to her about it. Awwww, he had a tantrum because it was convenient for HIM to have his playmate over the other night, and you didn't drop everything and make HIM the center of your universe? This guy is a flaming a*sshole. Let's make sure I understand this. He chooses to DISRESPECT his wife by lying to her, cheating on her, and having his girlfriend in her HOUSE while she's visiting relatives. Further, he expects YOU to totally disrespect YOUR son by ignoring him and ditching him for the night, just to run over to MM's house to show him a good time? Please. I repeat - FLAMING A*SSHOLE. Not only are you wasting your BREATH on this slime bag, but you're lowering yourself to an all new low by going into that poor woman's HOUSE. Jesus, isn't it bad enough that you're sleeping with her husband and helping him deceive her every single day? A supposedly unhealthy woman whose had the LIFE robbed out of her by a stroke? Are you proud of yourself? Then, you have to go for the tri-fecta and stain her HOUSE with your presence to BOOT? Boy, you and that paragon of virtue you're wasting your life with are sure going to be surprised when scientists finally discover the center of the universe - and you two aren't IT. To the original poster---- After reading this I have a better idea. Go to gloryb.com (it's called TOW) They don't allow these types of post. The site is for the OW/OM and that's it. You will get much better advice there I promise!
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