kandi r Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Hi my name is Kandi and I recently broke up with ex of 1 year. We lived together immediatley after we met. It was perfect. We talked and loved eachother. Well months went by and the selfishness kicked in and the inpatientness kicked in and then the yelling and arguements came along. Loss of the right communication was not found. I am the type that likes affection and instead of not sitting down communicating I lashed out and yelled saying things like "you don't care, and you don't love me. Childish words now that I think of it. He worked late alot and came home right away I was sure of it. He complained that the house was dirty and I admit I didn't clean. Most times he would come home and dinner would be ready and dogs fed. I only wanted him to say Hi hunnie or a small kiss, but nothing just I am tired. I understood that he worked his butt off, but I wanted him to show some type of happiness he was home and he saw me. I tell him all the time I LOVE him. I do love him. I truley do. We fought this last time real bad. physical. He kicked me out so I am at my parents house for now. I call everyday so far we broke up this saterday the 7th of october. I am in counseling to deal with my communication. I love him and I want to show him in a better way. I took things for granted. I want to take it all back. He tells me its better we don't get back together. Then when I call and tell him I am sorry for my aweful ways, he says its too soon to decide if he wants to go at it again. He tells me to continue counseling. You know I may be guilty of alot, but he takes no guilt at all. He was verbally abusive and I guess does not realize it. His past relationships he said were verbally abusive. I am lost right now. It seems that time heals, but I want another shot at this. I want a future with him. He let me come over the other day to see the dogs and I brought him dinner. I left after an hour and cried all the way home. I want this to work. please give me advise.
Lor Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 you did the whirlwind romance at the start.....now its time to slow things down. Sounds like neither one of you really got to know the other one before you dove in head first. I'm not puting you down but have been there, done that and it doesn't work very well. What you need to do right now is to quit trying to make it up to him, and quit worrying about whether or not he will change. What you need to do now is to continue the counselling and work on your own issues. One of which is not being able to communicate without screaming, right? Should you get the kiss and hi honey when he comes home? Yeah but maybe not right when he walks in the door. Let him come in, sit his stuff down, grab a drink and a chair. Then you walk up to him, give him a light kiss and say hi honey--don't wait for him to come to you. and if all you get back is the kiss and a hi, take it as his way of saying hi honey back. Some men aren't good at vocalizing their love or affection. And you can tell him all the time that you love him but do you show it? And I'm talking more than feeding the dogs and making dinner. how did he show you he loved you? Did he help you around the house at all? give backrubs? cuddle with you on the couch? Sounds like you both need a break from each other, so give it some time and don't call for a while. It is hard, no mistake, but it will be worth it.
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