Is men generally more ready for wife-house-dog-child than women?

[vacs]

I've not been with many men, but those I've found myself in a relationship with over the years (I'm 25) have all been thinking of their 'future' in terms of getting married, buy a house and have children..

 

I've never once had those dreams.. I just wanted a dog. (Still does)

 

I'm currently in a 3 month old relationship with a great guy. I moved in with him after dating for 2 days. (It just naturally happened). Since I moved in straight away, this relationship feels like the bus in Speed. -It's never going under 80 miles/hr..

 

My boyfriend has told me he wants to marry me on several occations.. (I've told him if we're still together by christmas to go ahead and pop the question;) )

 

It does worry me that things are going so fast. Especially since all I've ever really wanted in life was a dog...

 

On a side notice..[sorry].

 

Today I realised I might actually very well be pregnant..

 

My boyfriend has this picture perfect unrealistic view of what having a baby means..

 

For me it's a huge deal. I've been an au-pair and know what having a child means.

 

-If it turns out I'm pregnant; he'll be soooo happy.. cos obviously, that would mean he's closer to his dream of a happy family life.

 

-If it turns out I am pregnant; I'd want an abortion. Which I know, in the end, he'll agree to because he loves me...

 

My reasons for it?

 

I want to finish college and work at least a year before I get a baby.. I also want to be married, *own* a house/apartement and not rent like we do today...

 

In my mind, I cannot look after a child unless I get this.. It doesn't matter that my boyfriend has a job and stable income and would in theory be able to support me & a possible child..

 

Am I being selfish here?? I'm open to getting ideas. The world is not black & white, I get that. At the moment tho, it just seems that way..

 

Anyone else experienced something similar or feel like giving their thoughts and ideas?

 

xx

[JadeStar]

I'm currently in a 3 month old relationship with a great guy. I moved in with him after dating for 2 days. (It just naturally happened). Since I moved in straight away, this relationship feels like the bus in Speed. -It's never going under 80 miles/hr..

 

My boyfriend has told me he wants to marry me on several occations.. (I've told him if we're still together by christmas to go ahead and pop the question )

 

 

This relationship started out fast so it will probably come to an abrupt end as fast as it started. Moving in after dating 2 days was not the best idea. I'm sure you see that now. He sounds to me very needy and clingy to want you to move in, and even consider marraige after a short period of time. I think its obvious you're not that much into the relationship as well, since you keep mentioning the fact all you ever wanted was a dog. You don't need to get married. Enter a baby now. I think you need to do what you feel is best for you and the child at this point. That decision is up to you.

 

 

 

Jade

[a4a]

Most likely you are just filling a void that he needed filled in his life.

 

Sounds like he was wife shopping. Don't be shocked when he attempts to make you fit into the role he idealized in his head.

 

His To Do List:

 

1. need wife

2. want kids

3. new car

4. replace sofa

 

 

You don't even know each other at this point.....marriage, kids? Perhaps you would have been better off as a mail order bride or offer services as a broodmare for some wealthy guy that actually already has his life together.

[dgiirl]

I moved in with him after dating for 2 days. (It just naturally happened).

 

How does this naturally happen? Did you spend the night on the first day and then forget where you lived?

 

All i see is you pointing fingers towards him. He wants this and he wants that. Where's your own personal responsibility? How did you end up pregnant after only knowing him for 3 months? Stop blaming him for the situation you've willingly put yourself into. If you dont want marriage and you dont want a kid, then why are you acting like you do? You even told him to pop the question after xmas? Yes I think you are being selfish. Not because you want an abortion, but because of how you ended up NEEDING an abortion. You're just going with whatever feels good in the moment and screw the consequences. And now because you havent put any thought into what you are doing, you need an abortion. That's sad and very selfish.

[vacs]

I'm currently in a 3 month old relationship with a great guy. I moved in with him after dating for 2 days. (It just naturally happened). Since I moved in straight away, this relationship feels like the bus in Speed. -It's never going under 80 miles/hr..

 

My boyfriend has told me he wants to marry me on several occations.. (I've told him if we're still together by christmas to go ahead and pop the question )

 

 

This relationship started out fast so it will probably come to an abrupt end as fast as it started. Moving in after dating 2 days was not the best idea. I'm sure you see that now. He sounds to me very needy and clingy to want you to move in, and even consider marraige after a short period of time. I think its obvious you're not that much into the relationship as well, since you keep mentioning the fact all you ever wanted was a dog. You don't need to get married. Enter a baby now. I think you need to do what you feel is best for you and the child at this point. That decision is up to you.

 

 

 

Jade

 

You pinpointed my biggest fear; that it will come to an abrubt end as fast as it started.. I'm by far stupid, but I sometimes just go by the flow and feel of things.. I told myself I didn't wanna spend 3 yrs 'dating' him just to find out we couldn't live together at all.. which is why I thought 'heck, I'm just gonna stay here and see how this goes'. Was I in love with him when I moved in? Not really. Am I that now? Heck yeah.. but it doesn't stop me from worrying.. And I keep mention the dog.. yeah. I want one badly. Luckily, my boyfriend wants one just as much as I do... And is my boyfriend needy and clingy? Not so bad actually, which is well since I cant stand very needy/clingy people. So in theory, I'm not in a very bad position.. But theory is something completly different than real life, I know. And since I have so little experience overall, man, thanks for your reply. It was actually helpful:-)xx

[amaysngrace]

I think he's blindsiding you into stupidity. And you are acting a bit foolish in telling him to propose at Christmas.

 

Don't settle. You only have one life. Make sure what you choose for yourself is the very best.

 

Do finish school before having children. This way you won't be reliant on anybody. You will be self-sufficient. This will give you the power to be more choosy in a husband. You won't need to find someone to take care of you, but rather someone you love.

 

Do you even love this guy? Do you even love yourself?

 

I wonder because after only three months that's not very much time. Heck, it's not even a baseball season.

 

Hey, it's your life, but if you love yourself, you'd take a little more time in deciding what you want out of it, as I see it.

[vacs]

How does this naturally happen? Did you spend the night on the first day and then forget where you lived?

 

All i see is you pointing fingers towards him. He wants this and he wants that. Where's your own personal responsibility? How did you end up pregnant after only knowing him for 3 months? Stop blaming him for the situation you've willingly put yourself into. If you dont want marriage and you dont want a kid, then why are you acting like you do? You even told him to pop the question after xmas? Yes I think you are being selfish. Not because you want an abortion, but because of how you ended up NEEDING an abortion. You're just going with whatever feels good in the moment and screw the consequences. And now because you havent put any thought into what you are doing, you need an abortion. That's sad and very selfish.

 

 

Thanks. Gosh, I do love an honest opinion!

 

As for it 'naturally happening' I dunno. It just did.. I came home from a 1 month vaccation and basically moved right in... I dropped off my luggage at home and slept there 2 nights, but that was it..

 

Since then I've been living with him.. And yes, I'd 'known' him for a month prior to moving in *not dated* just hung out being friendly. He's a friend of my sister, but I'd never met him before. I did also meet his parents before I moved in with him.. But yeah, it only took 2 days from we started dating til I moved in.. and I guess it does sound weird...

 

 

And yes.. he wants this and that.. and all I want is a dog. I guess I'm one of those girls who never really knows what she wants..And I'm not at all blaming him for anything. He's a good guy with a big heart and I love him. I'm sorry the post made me come accross as if I didn't:-(

And I do want marriage -to him- but a bit of me is so worried we're rushing things.. (I'm 25 I know, and tho' engagement doesn't mean you have to be married within a year..it is a big step not to be taken lightly!)

And as for popping the question at christmas.. it was more or less a mutual decission based on financial reasons as two rings would cost him a month worth of salary (he is paying down a car mortage etc). Well, I mentioned it first, but now he thinks it was his idea from the beginning of, and I'm fine with it.

 

As for me possible being pregnant. Oh yeah.. Im at fault there. Which is why, even though I do want an abortion, and honestly think it will be for the best, I'll be willing to think it through and discuss it with my boyfriend.

Hmmm.. I guess, as I'm writing this, that my biggest fear is actually being forced to look after a child by myself.. Marriage and a job etc proves some sort of safty net to me. It shows that I can look after myself -and thus also a family. --Having never held a job in my life before as well as always living at home.. No wonder I just wanted a dog! A dog is something I *know*, having been around them all my life...

 

Jez. Dunno if you think I'm even more terrible now than before, but honestly, thank you for your comment.. Made me realise -and think- about a few things.. -which was what I wanted when I made the post in the first place.

xx

[vacs]

Most likely you are just filling a void that he needed filled in his life.

 

Sounds like he was wife shopping. Don't be shocked when he attempts to make you fit into the role he idealized in his head.

 

His To Do List:

 

1. need wife

2. want kids

3. new car

4. replace sofa

 

 

You don't even know each other at this point.....marriage, kids? Perhaps you would have been better off as a mail order bride or offer services as a broodmare for some wealthy guy that actually already has his life together.

 

 

 

Sweet Jesus. The snark almost killed me! :-D

 

Actually.. this is more like his top 3 to do list:1. Need Dog cos we both really want one.

2. Need to sell my lovely car cos g.f does only drive automatic and she thinks that car should be cheap so we can use the money from the lovely car to pay down the car-loan on my previous lovely car which sadly, I crashed when I was 19.

3. Need to find our *own* place..

 

 

As for wife shopping.. I think he just has this ideal image of what being married is all about cos his parents are still so very much in love with each other. (While my parents argue and have wanted a divorce every other week for as long as I can remember).

 

And you're right, we don't know each other *that* well yet. We are both aware of that. My boyfriend likes to talk, as do I, and we share everything..and living together does give you access to a side of the person you're dating that you'd not have discovered as soon as one would not living together.

 

We're not in an ideal situation, I get that. But it's not bad either.. Everything is just moving ahead a bit quickly at the moment..

 

My boyfriend is very kind and loving, respectful and honest. And tho it's been only 3 months, I love him, and hope we do make it and stay together for a long time. And as crazy as it all may seem, I hope you'd want that for us too:-)

xx

[JackJack]

and all I want is a dog.

 

 

A dog is the least of your worries right now. I don't think you are stupid as you said,but using poor judgement is more like it. I'm going to go with what another poster said, your b/f does come across as being needy-clingy in the since he wanted you to move in after 2 dates, and wants or mentioned marriage after 3 months. I hope he is not looking for a mother figure. He seems quick to jump the gun as do you. You both seem to do things on impulse, which is not always good. You are in a tough spot right now, especially with being pregant, and as far as him wanting the baby sure he will, he wanted you to move in quickly so what makes you think he doesn't want a child right off the bat. He is looking for a void to fill and quick, this is not good. Because unless you both have a good solid foundation in the relationship, fincially stable etc, even after marraige or the baby it may fall apart, if not before. I wish you luck.

[dgiirl]

Well, I'm glad you're sensible enough to take criticism and use it for something productive instead of going on the defense like so many others.

 

I think it's clear you need to slow down. Like you said, you're on a runaway bus and you're losing control. Have you discussed ANY of your fears about marriage and engagement with your bf? Do you share the same view point about a long engagement? If you are having these feelings now, do not get engaged, stop rushing things and take some time to actually get to know one another. Even knowing him for a month, you still moved very fast. Why are you guys in such a rush?

[JackJack]

Actually.. this is more like his top 3 to do list:1. Need Dog cos we both really want one.

 

 

See, both of your priorites are wayyyy out of order. Please get a dog! To feel that void, and BTW I'm not being rude or hateful, but think about what you are saying, all you talk about is wanting a dog but yet you have bigger fish to fry.

[Ross_K]

Well, I would love to settle down with a woman and to have a house together, I guess I wouldn't mind being married either even though it's something I don't really want to do.

 

But even at the age of 30, I'd still rather play the field first, since I've not even got to do that yet. Right now the physical side of things with women is more important that love and settling down, and probably always will be until I've had enough experience of it like everyone else has done in their teens to mid twenties.

[vacs]

I think he's blindsiding you into stupidity. And you are acting a bit foolish in telling him to propose at Christmas.

 

Don't settle. You only have one life. Make sure what you choose for yourself is the very best.

 

Do finish school before having children. This way you won't be reliant on anybody. You will be self-sufficient. This will give you the power to be more choosy in a husband. You won't need to find someone to take care of you, but rather someone you love.

 

Do you even love this guy? Do you even love yourself?

 

I wonder because after only three months that's not very much time. Heck, it's not even a baseball season.

 

Hey, it's your life, but if you love yourself, you'd take a little more time in deciding what you want out of it, as I see it.

 

I'm not in this relationship with my eyes closed.. and as for blindsiding.. I think I'm at the moment doing most of that..

 

As for proposing at christmas. I think it's not so bad, by then we've been living together for 5 months and known each other for 7 months. Proposing does not mean you're getting married right away. I told him I want at least close to a year with him before we tie the knot. As for christmas.. it was kind of a mutual decission based on financial reasons. I do think we can make it work, but I'm not walking around with my eyes closed either..

 

"Do finish school before having children. This way you won't be reliant on anybody. You will be self-sufficient. This will give you the power to be more choosy in a husband. You won't need to find someone to take care of you, but rather someone you love."

 

Thank you. That is actually very good advice. I'm 25 and have been in college for the past 5 yrs. I'm finished by christmas, but I'd like to take yet another year (I love the freedom of being a student..) And I agree about not having kids while studying -even tho according to studies done in this country, having children while in school is quite smart cos you get lots of support -monywise- But money doesn't take care of everything...

 

 

As for my boyfriend. He's become someone I love deeply. And I do feel very loved in return. He's not perfect, but neither am I..

xx

[Ross_K]

I'd just like to correct my last post since it wont let me edit it (what is that all about?)

 

But even at the age of 30, I'd still rather play the field first, since I've not even got to do that yet. Right now the physical side of things with women is more important that love and settling down, and probably always will be until I've had enough experience of it like everyone else has done in their teens to mid twenties, or at least until I've experienced it at least once.

[JadeStar]

Sounds like no matter what others say, you have already made up your mind on things, which is fine if its truly what you want. Hopefully things will work out however they are supposed to. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

Jade

[vacs]

Well, I'm glad you're sensible enough to take criticism and use it for something productive instead of going on the defense like so many others.

 

I think it's clear you need to slow down. Like you said, you're on a runaway bus and you're losing control. Have you discussed ANY of your fears about marriage and engagement with your bf? Do you share the same view point about a long engagement? If you are having these feelings now, do not get engaged, stop rushing things and take some time to actually get to know one another. Even knowing him for a month, you still moved very fast. Why are you guys in such a rush?

 

 

 

Weirdly, it does feel slow already.. Perhaps cos we're living in the center of the storm? We seriously kickstarted this relationship.. and it feels like we've been together double the time we actually have. Which is why being engaged after 5months may seem ok to me and crazy-fast to many others..

 

I have talked about my worries. -My boyfriend is not at all worried..apart from worrying if I want to 'call it off' which I said I didn't cos apart from thinking it may seem so rushed to everybody, I have no good reason for not going through with it. I love him. I dunno. Is it the way the whole engagement thingy is set that makes us seem so nutty? I'm not very romantic, and neither is my boyfriend. I want engagement to be a mutual agreement. Not just for one of us to say we're ready and pop the question out of the blue. That I would hate.

 

As for our viewpoint on a possible long engagement.. I told BF we'd marry when the time was right within the next 2 years or so if we got engaged at christmastime.. (When it does happen, I want it to be a quick affair, big weddings, big white dress and lots of family are so not my thing. Luckily, my BF agrees with me)

 

Anyways, we are getting to know each other. He leaves for work every day as I leave for school. We get home 1-2hrs before/after each other.. which means.. for 3 months between 16.00-22.00-ish it has basically just been the two of us together..talking etc. And so far..so good..

xx

[vacs]

Sounds like no matter what others say, you have already made up your mind on things, which is fine if its truly what you want. Hopefully things will work out however they are supposed to. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

Jade

 

Tho I might have made up my mind, your -as well as the other posters has contributed to making me more aware of things. I love seeing a case from different view points and pick up some good advice along the way. I know it's not easy; none of you know me or my boyfriend after all, but still you try to give good advice and it means alot to me. So thank you:-)

xx

[dgiirl]

Weirdly, it does feel slow already.. Perhaps cos we're living in the center of the storm? We seriously kickstarted this relationship.. and it feels like we've been together double the time we actually have. Which is why being engaged after 5months may seem ok to me and crazy-fast to many others..

 

I have talked about my worries. -My boyfriend is not at all worried..apart from worrying if I want to 'call it off' which I said I didn't cos apart from thinking it may seem so rushed to everybody, I have no good reason for not going through with it. I love him. I dunno. Is it the way the whole engagement thingy is set that makes us seem so nutty? I'm not very romantic, and neither is my boyfriend. I want engagement to be a mutual agreement. Not just for one of us to say we're ready and pop the question out of the blue. That I would hate.

 

As for our viewpoint on a possible long engagement.. I told BF we'd marry when the time was right within the next 2 years or so if we got engaged at christmastime.. (When it does happen, I want it to be a quick affair, big weddings, big white dress and lots of family are so not my thing. Luckily, my BF agrees with me)

 

Anyways, we are getting to know each other. He leaves for work every day as I leave for school. We get home 1-2hrs before/after each other.. which means.. for 3 months between 16.00-22.00-ish it has basically just been the two of us together..talking etc. And so far..so good..

xx

 

All I can say is life is so much different after living together. Right now, you're still in the honeymoon period. Of course everything is perfect right now. You're both on good behaviour which is natural at this point in your relationship. I'd say it should start to slow down after 6months to a year. I agree if you are in love, there's no reason not to get married, but there's also no reason TO get married. If you guys are committed to one another, a ring or wedding should not change that. But at this point, you're making long-time decisions in the honeymoon period of your relationship, and very often that's not a wise decision.

 

Right now, your priority is to figure out what you are going to do with a child. You have to be realistic about the situation and it's very possible you will be raising a child by yourself. Are you willing to take on that responsibility? My mom gave me great advice, "Dont have a child until you're ready to raise it by yourself". And this was when I was "happily" married. Children change the dynamics of your relationship so much that it causes a lot of long-term happy married couples to get a divorce. What makes you think a relationship of 3 months is going to be any different? So you have to be realistic about the situation, it might happen. On the other hand, it might not. You need to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Do you have any family that will support you if you find yourself raising a child by yourself? Do you even WANT a child? Abortion is not easy and it messes a lot of women up emotionally because they were not prepared. What about adoption?

[typical]

Not because you want an abortion, but because of how you ended up NEEDING an abortion.

 

I agree with this statement.

 

Now. I have a very unconventional way to look at things. I think the way you guys started off might just serve as an advantage to you in the future.

Rather than living together for 3 years and then start making wedding plans and having children, why not do fast?

 

If you end up waiting 3 years, by the time you and him get your lives settled into that comfortable groove we all strive for, you both will pretty much be over each others crap and be clawing at the walls to get away from each other. The toleration level will be next to nothing, and if you end up getting married, it will be nothing because we all have this weird thing in our head that tells us that marriage will cure the problem and after we get married, things will change. Not so. Often times it is worse and people feel the need to not change and try.

 

Why I think your situation might work? Because you are doing everything fast. Its still so new, you both are able to tolerate each others quirks forgive each other knowing that the both of you are in it for better or worse, work and strive all the more harder, because you have the lack of time as an advantage, you will both be on the same page.

 

Are you really set on abortion? Is there really no other way? Sometimes things happen at a certain time, in a certain place and with a certain person for a reason.

 

Life has shown up already! What are you waiting for?

[vacs]

All I can say is life is so much different after living together. Right now, you're still in the honeymoon period. Of course everything is perfect right now. You're both on good behaviour which is natural at this point in your relationship. I'd say it should start to slow down after 6months to a year. I agree if you are in love, there's no reason not to get married, but there's also no reason TO get married. If you guys are committed to one another, a ring or wedding should not change that. But at this point, you're making long-time decisions in the honeymoon period of your relationship, and very often that's not a wise decision.

 

Right now, your priority is to figure out what you are going to do with a child. You have to be realistic about the situation and it's very possible you will be raising a child by yourself. Are you willing to take on that responsibility? My mom gave me great advice, "Dont have a child until you're ready to raise it by yourself". And this was when I was "happily" married. Children change the dynamics of your relationship so much that it causes a lot of long-term happy married couples to get a divorce. What makes you think a relationship of 3 months is going to be any different? So you have to be realistic about the situation, it might happen. On the other hand, it might not. You need to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Do you have any family that will support you if you find yourself raising a child by yourself? Do you even WANT a child? Abortion is not easy and it messes a lot of women up emotionally because they were not prepared. What about adoption?

Thank you. It's nice getting such good advice and thoughts from a stranger..

 

I'm from a middle-class home with well educated, strict, loving and supportive parents. So is my boyfriend. I've "tested" the water a few times over the yrs regarding pregnancy, engagement & marriage just to get my parents thoughts on the matter. I've come to realise no matter when or how things are done, it will allways be "too soon" in their eyes; I was their firstborn, planned for years so that everything could be "just right". In their eyes, I'm still 16 -or younger- and not at all ready to look after a child..or to be married..

 

On the matter of babies:

 

I would like a child to be planned.. I like being done with my studies, and I'd like to have worked a few years first.. I'd also like to be married, own a house, have a dog and my own car, travel...

 

Honestly? They're mostly excuses cos I'm a bit scared of babies and being pregnant. For me there will probably always be something in the way of having one of my own.. Don't get me wrong; I like children and tend to get on very well with them -I am after all, working on a 6yr teachers degree- It's just babies that freak me out a bit. They can't talk and all they do is cry.. Well. it feels as if that is what they do. Also, Ive seen pictures of my mom giving birth to me, and it hasn't made the thought of doing it myself one day any easier.

 

So I've come to the conclusion that I'd never really be ready for a baby.. It just gonna have to "happen"...

 

My boyfriend on the other hand, loves babies. He's not scared by them at all.. which I find kinda ironic. He should totally be the pregnant one in our relationship.. Oh why can't men be pregnant?? ;-)

 

Anyways, he will make a wonderful father, of that, I have no doubt. -Which is why we're gonna talk this thru and come to a conclusion we can both live with.

He's told me I get the final word. He knows that probably makes it a 90% chance of an abortion. But I'm a fair person and knows that it takes two people to make a baby. 90% is not 100%..

 

And will I have my parents support if I do keep "the baby"? Sure. Maybe not at once, but they'll come around.. They'll give me money, tell me how stupid it all is..give me more money..be upset at my boyfriend like it's all his fault...and then give us lots of parental advice..

 

I mean, it could be way worse, right? I could be 16 with no boyfriend or education to speak of..

 

xx

[lovelorcet]

Everyone is different... If you could see yourself having a baby in a year or so then I am not sure if the timing is really that bad.

 

What happens when you throw this baby away and a year late want one, have one and then realize what you threw away...

[Walk]

I've known a few girls in my past who had gotten abortions, and it's screwed with their head bad. I wouldn't wish that kind of emotional upheavel on my worst enemy.

 

Before you choose that option, talk to some people who've gone through it already. I think there can be hefty consequences for that action, one that people sometimes dismiss until after the fact.

 

Not saying you should or shouldn't do something. Only that you should try to learn everything you can about both sides of the decision. Maybe see if you can find some women to talk to that have had unplanned pregnancies early in life. How they coped, what difficulties they had, and what benefits and reasons they had for keeping the child. And talk to those who got abortions, and what benefits and negatives came out of that decision. I'm sure there's got to be at least one site on either of those somewhere in this vast internet.

[a4a]

I've known a few girls in my past who had gotten abortions, and it's screwed with their head bad. I wouldn't wish that kind of emotional upheavel on my worst enemy.

 

Before you choose that option, talk to some people who've gone through it already. I think there can be hefty consequences for that action, one that people sometimes dismiss until after the fact.

 

Not saying you should or shouldn't do something. Only that you should try to learn everything you can about both sides of the decision. Maybe see if you can find some women to talk to that have had unplanned pregnancies early in life. How they coped, what difficulties they had, and what benefits and reasons they had for keeping the child. And talk to those who got abortions, and what benefits and negatives came out of that decision. I'm sure there's got to be at least one site on either of those somewhere in this vast internet.

 

Well here I am and it was no big deal and I would do it again if another accidental preg. occured. Record Producer has a long drawn out thread on her own personal choice to abort.

 

My life would not be what it is today if I chose to carry to term. Married now and the life changing prospects of children in my world is not what I want now either.

 

I certainly never had nightmares or crying bouts nor doubt in what I did or did not want. Zero regrets, and pleased I had the courage to make the correct decision for me.

[Walk]

Well here I am and it was no big deal and I would do it again if another accidental preg. occured. Record Producer has a long drawn out thread on her own personal choice to abort.

 

My life would not be what it is today if I chose to carry to term. Married now and the life changing prospects of children in my world is not what I want now either.

 

I certainly never had nightmares or crying bouts nor doubt in what I did or did not want. Zero regrets, and pleased I had the courage to make the correct decision for me.

 

Yeah.. but I think you're a little more... stable and mentally stronger than most of the girls I've known who had unwanted pregnancies. Plus, you're very rational. You come at things from a logical side, and less the emotional aspect.

[magda]

Yeah.. but I think you're a little more... stable and mentally stronger than most of the girls I've known who had unwanted pregnancies. Plus, you're very rational. You come at things from a logical side, and less the emotional aspect.

Vacs sounds like she has those same qualities.

 

If you want to travel and finish school, do it. Once you have a baby it makes it all so much more difficult. The extra aid you might get for having a child barely makes it even. I will advise anyone with your mindset to WAIT because having a child is a huge shock, not to mention being married so soon. If you've never wanted that for yourself, don't compromise because no matter what people say motherhood doesn't magically erase any desires you might have for independence. It's fulfilling but not THAT fulfilling unless that's what you know will fulfill you. If you do it and you're not 100% you might be looking at a lot of guilt. Funny how that works... you don't get to do much of the things you always wanted to do, and on top of that feeling guilty for feeling the emptiness that comes from compromising what you always knew you wanted.