Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 First, I love my GF very much. But over the last year she has put on about 60 pounds. Since we've begun to discuss marriage, it seems like she decided to just let herself go, and being healthy is no longer necessary now that she has landed a man. She constantly complains and cries about her looks, is uncomfortable going out in public, but still chooses to eat fatty foods like twinkies and french fries, and lots of desserts. I honestly do love her, but it's getting to the point where my physical attraction has dwindled significantly. I know if I tell her she no longer turns me on sexually, it will crush her, and will most likely compound her overeating issues. How do I address this issue without it exploding in our faces??? Please help!!!
rainfall Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Maybe you could suggest going for runs or a bike ride together? You could start cooking low fat foods for her or maybe tell her you are worried about her weight because it is unhealty. If she is intersted in losing weight maybe the two of you could join a gym together.
agnf666 Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 I would go with what Rainfall posted. Basically if you just tell her she needs to lose some wieght that is going to turn into a huge mess. If you want to help her with it then that will probably make a difference. I mean it could be stress or something that is making her gain wieght or something.
blind_otter Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Maybe you could suggest going for runs or a bike ride together? You could start cooking low fat foods for her or maybe tell her you are worried about her weight because it is unhealty. If she is intersted in losing weight maybe the two of you could join a gym together. Good advice. What rainfall said.
Vertex Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 I believe the easiest way to deal with such situations is not to make it an issue of physical appearance, but rather health. It is not good for the body to ingest unhealthy foods all the time, and it is not good to live an overly inactive lifestyle. Do some activities together and try to emphasize good health and don't make the issue of appearance so primary, at least out loud. Think of it as hitting two birds with one stone. Better health coupled with a better appearance.
Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I believe the easiest way to deal with such situations is not to make it an issue of physical appearance, but rather health. It is not good for the body to ingest unhealthy foods all the time, and it is not good to live an overly inactive lifestyle. Do some activities together and try to emphasize good health and don't make the issue of appearance so primary, at least out loud. Think of it as hitting two birds with one stone. Better health coupled with a better appearance. That's an excellent point. I'll definetely consider that approach. Regarding the previous posts - that brings up another issue. We are currently in a long distance relationship. I had to move for my job while she is completing her final year of her degree. The whole distance thing is obviously a major source of stress for her, which could be a factor in her overeating (?) Anyways - doing activities together is out of the question. However, I did offer up a challenge. I am average build, and I compete in extreme sports, so maintaining my weight is imortant to me. I told her I was going to try and shave a few more pounds to make me more competitive. She responded with "yeah I need to lose some weight too." So I suggested that we have a contest; set a goal for a number of pounds by a certain date, and she agreed enthusiastically. However, she quickly lost motivation after I showed progress faster than she did. I try to discourage her from ordering desserts after a nice dinner, but she just gets upset at me for making her feel guilty, and orders it anyway. It's like a vicious cycle: when I drop subtle hints, it upsets her which leads to weight gain, which makes me lose interest, which depresses her which leads to weight gain, etc..... I actually started calling her every morning at 6AM, per her suggestion, to wake her up so she could go to the gym. This is successful maybe once every couple of weeks. The rest of the time she simply goes back to bed. I am at a loss because I do love her, we click, we make each other laugh, etc. She just doesn't turn me on sexually anymore. And now, she is getting really insecure about not getting me aroused, which contributes to weight gain. Any useful advice on how to approach this is greatly appreciated...
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