After 1 year and still brokenhearted.

[Lonestar23]

:( Alright here it goes. A little background information.

 

From I guess 2000-2005 I was dating my high school sweetheart. And by the end of 2004 we decided to take a break. By march of 2005 we ended up not seeing each other or have any form of contact initiated by me (something happened). Yeah, we were madly in love with each other and being that she was my first girlfriend and I'm her first boyfriend.

 

 

Anyway, 1-3 months after march 2005 my buddy shows me facebook pictures of her and another guy. They were wearing winter jacket in the picture so I would assume they have already been dating/seeing each other right after the time we stopped talking.

 

 

So here I guess would be my problem. Its about 1year and 7months after this happened. I still miss her a lot. I think about her at least 50% of the time when I'm either at work, school or home. I miss her just so much. Some ppl tell me the reason I miss her so much is because I didn't have closure before she left.

 

So much has happened between this time period. From me messing up my lifetime career as a police officer to me graduating from college. A lot of things has changed and I'm not proud of where I am today currently. But memories of (US) still haunt me everyday. I feel extremely incomplete without her.

 

I know my story is pretty vague and I skipped all the fighting parts. I just gave you a overview pretty much.

 

Is there something wrong with me? After this length of time I'm still missing her like it was yesterday? Should I seek some professional help?

 

I don't know what to do and I still think about her so much. :(

[LaughMachine]

I'll jump in on this one before anyone on loveshack.org tells you are crazy and that its weird to not be over someone after that amount of time. You are not at all the least bit crazy for still dwelling over this girl. You were young and still are ( like me ) and that is the only thing right now you have to look upon, and miss. You've already got past the worst of heartache, which are the beginning raw stages of a break up. I'm in the same boat as you, and the time isn't much different. This girl is gone and out of your life though and by this time you really gotta put your foot down.

 

Look It's easier said than done and I really hate saying that because I know I can't even do the same( first love ). But maybe when your least expect it a new love will come and swipe all the hurt you've felt over time. It could be the closure, and it could also be because she is with someone else which can sometimes make it harder but be a blessing in disguise, but in your case that blessing isn't working. With or with out ex's having new loves. We still hope in every different type of way that they will come back. And for most cases they don't, unless many years later lol.

 

Your not alone in your feelings, and don't be ashamed because I know when I get to the same length that you have gotten to ( which are only a cuple of months away ) I will still probaly be feeling the same way. It took my bestfriend two years to get over her first love. A new love came in. But just because a new love arrives doesn't make life all perfect and peachy. You gotta begin working on YOURSELF.

[Lonestar23]

Thanks for your reply laughmachine.

 

Sigh, I don't even know if time is really is going to make a difference. I even dated other girls but still end up comparing or just thinking about my ex.

 

I agree with you about being that she was the first and you know the saying 'you can't ever forget about your first love'.

 

I guess I have to just deal with it as its part of lifes up and downs. Being the down part of life for almost 2years already.

 

Everyday, I put on a fake smile.

[LaughMachine]

I've said this one too many times, but I don't really think time heals all wounds. In some cases it can but I feel it only subsides the pain, leaving the left overs to linger and hit smack down in the face time to time. I hate thinking that the only way to take the memories and pain away is a new love. But It seems to be the best cure for many people who have managed to get over their first love.When the pain hits hard though try to tell your self there are others experiencing pain far worse than you could ever imagine. You should be able to have a real smile on your face now but I guess you didn't date a real ******* like I. It's easier to look back and tell myself I've always desearved better. Ah still aches though.. I don't know what ways I can truely tell you to help you with " progress ". Because I really don't know....You will just have to keep going, like always. But never doubt the joy of a new love. Never tell yourself you can't love again, other wise you won't be able to. Now you might have been trying to fill the void with other girls. And ended up comparing them too her. But thats normal to, this is a girl you were IN love with. And being in love with someone gives us rosey eyed vision. ....hope this helps lol

[KittenMoon]

 

From I guess 2000-2005 I was dating my high school sweetheart.

 

Try to think about it like this: this was a LONG time to be with someone at such a young age, so it's easy to dwell on it considering your dating experiences before and after were mediocre compared to it. Unlike someone who dates for 4-5 years or so in say, they're late 20s or 30s, you have less life experience w/o that person to put up against it in comparison.

 

Some ppl tell me the reason I miss her so much is because I didn't have closure before she left.

 

Real closure, the kind that counts, only comes from inside you.

 

Should I seek some professional help?

(

 

You should consider it- perhaps a professional can help you identify what aspects of yourself is keeping you emotionally tethered to your ex. (Though, in reality like Laugh Machine says, it may simply be that you have no other love in your life to compare it against)

 

Good luck.

[bendit]

when was the last time she contacted you by email phone or in person? How often does she contact? When was the last time you spied on her over the Internet?

 

regards

[John V]

Don't feel you are alone 7 months after a sepperation with my wife of 11 years many days I wonder how I will go on. Not feeling better now and doesn't seem like I will any time soon. Hang in there I take it one day at a time and I have also started praying agin.

[Lonestar23]

thanks for everybodies support.

 

And to bendit:

 

Well I never contacted her at all afterwards. If it wasn't for my friend I wouldn't even know she was seeing someone else.

 

John V:

 

Just hang in there too I guess. The first year was probably the worst for me. Afterward it comes and goes.

 

I know this won't go away anytime soon or at least not until something drastic happen.

 

I mean honestly do people get over long term relationships w/o finding anyone else to replace their loved one?

[johnnytable]

It is good that you are not having contact. I recommend that you ask your friends to not say anything about her. It was pretty silly for this person to show you the picture. It certainly didn't help you in any way! But what's done is done, so don't worry about that.

 

I was sort of in your position once. I "fell in love" with a girl when I was 14. Then when I was 16 we started dating and this lasted three years until she went to college and brokeup with me. So in all, it was a 3-5 year affair however you want to look at it. It was crushing. I was single for three years before starting another relationship. To be honest, I don't know how long it took me to get over her... probably 1 to 1.5 years. The great thing is that I had essentially zero contact for the ten years between then and our reunion My point being that I did get over her without "replacing" her with somebody else. I think that this was a very good thing.

 

Since what you are going through is probably somewhat common, I would think that a professional could help you. It certainly helped me 2+ years ago when I had a breakup, and I wish that I would have seen somebody 10 years ago with the previous relationship. The therapist sped things along for me. I say go for it if you feel like it.

 

One more thing to add... you don't need to replace this ex with a new person. You can fill your life with other things. Hobbies, volunteering, work, education, family, etc. This is a healthy thing to do regardless. Get active in your recovery.

[Isabella82]

It has been 2 years and a few months for me, and I am still upset about the whole thing. I was too wondering if there was something wrong with me. I have a boyfriend of 1 year and things are good, but I still think about the ex often. Not sure if that will ever go away.

 

After we broke up we never had any contact, and I really do not know why it ended. There was no explanation. But it still hurts, and I still think about it sometimes. I seem to have a lot of dreams about it still.

 

It sucks, but I think about him less and less everyday. Good luck!

[Lonestar23]

thanks everyone...

 

I just take it one day at a time I guess.

 

Some days are easier... hopefully maybe if I start go out and date again I can really forget her.

[Live19]

Hey Lonestar,

 

Reading your post really inspired me to post - I've been looking for a thread like this for a while to share my feelings about this.

 

I'm in a similiar situation, dated HS sweetheart for 2 years and it's been almost 1 1/2 years since we broke up. I still think about her everyday and find myself dreaming about her and laying awake at night thinking about things. I also got my dose of the internet thing, I found out she started dating someone a few months after we broke up and now they are going and driving to the same college together,taking classes and majoring in the same thing, work at the same mall, and she's now become much more religious then she was with me and goes to church with him.

 

It totally kills me, to think that she could move on so quickly and find someone else that may be (dare I say) better for her. Our break-up happened pretty quickly as well, and I never really had closure either for what happened.

 

After all this time I've realized a couple things, one of them being I really don't want to have to "replace" her with someone else to get over her. I want to be able to resolve my feelings and be o.k. with everything and move on that way - even if it takes a long long time. I also have to agree with LaughMachine about time not healing all wounds, it heals the immediate hurt and disbelief but the emptiness and incompleteness you feel are things that need to be worked out with life-style changes. I know for me, time hasn't really helped because every day that passes just reminds me that she isn't in my life anymore, and I still miss her.

 

I honestly think you just have to embrace the pain and accept that she is gone. For me, the pain I'm going through is for a reason - I truly loved this girl and she made me happier than I've ever been in my whole life. To try to forget about her or bury her memory is just folly because it will always re-surface until you have resolved and accepted what has happened. This is something I'm still working on, if you know the secret let me know

 

Hope this helps

[Lonestar23]

wow, I haven't been here for a little while and tonight I was going thru those 'feelings' again. Well, not just tonight but some how I ended up back here again.

 

A little update, I guess.

 

I actually went on a date with some other girls between the time of my last post and now. And you've guessed it! Nada. And 'sex' don't fix the issue(s) either as I have just learned.

 

I still think about my ex at least once a day. And I reminese about the past daily. ,=(

 

And to 'Live19', yea it totally kills. I don't know why I do this to myself. I know that going to her myspace will hurt me but like once in a bluemoon I find myself checking it out. And I see all these new pictures of them being happy. Don't get me wrong, it feels great to see her smile but just the smiling is not with me.

 

Yea, I really want to get over this too but not by replacing her. But I have to admit that if your dating someone your really into, those feelings gets stripped down a lot. So I guess it doesn't fully fix it but maybe a temp. thing. Sorta like drugs? lol

 

You've heard of that saying?

 

The hardest thing in life is seeing the one you love, loving someone else.

[D-Lish]

In my experience, the length of time it takes to get over a person varies from person to person and from situation to situation. However, if it's been more than a year and life isn't moving forward for you.... it's safe to say you're stuck and would surely benefit from talking to a professional.

 

It's certainly helped me in the past.

 

The last guy that broke my heart~ the one that brought me to this forum, he was a guy who was still not over his relationship with his ex from six years ago. He is 33 now, and he dated this girl from the age of 20-27. He hasn't been able to maintain a healthy connection with anyone since then. I could just see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice when he talked about her. He was emotionally unavailable to me.

 

Please, don't become that guy. He just never looked at me the way a man in love SHOULD look at his girlfriend. He told me he loved me, but I never truly felt it. He is a person stuck in the past, unable to resolve or move past the heartache and rejection he experienced 6 years ago.

 

We went out for a year, he told me he loved me~ made future plans with me to move in together and get married, even talked of babies.... but one day after getting home from a romantic week away together about 3 months ago we had a minor argument about something stupid and he called me on the phone a few days later and told me he didn't love me, didn't know if ever had and never wanted to see me again. I didn't even get a chance to have any closure from that. It was just- see ya later, I don't love you. No contact since.

 

My reason for telling you this is because I don't want any of you here who are still dealing with the loss and pain of your first loves to become the same kind of man that my ex was. It isn't healthy for you. There are ways of dealing with it. A therapist is a really good start.

 

Staying stuck will prevent you from getting the things you want and deserve out of life. Don't deny yourselves those things.

D