Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 me and my husband have been married for 10 years, but recently separated now for 3 months.. It has been real hard since we have went separate ways. I find myself very lonely. I call my h often, but he really doesnt seem interested in talking to me, wait he does if it is all about him and his interest, but if its about me forget it. Its been like that our whole marriage. It is sumed up like this I gave and he keeped taking, without giving back. I feel like a failure. A friend of mine told me quit betting myself up over that feeling, She says I should look at it as "if I would of not tried with all I have then our marriage would have not lasted as long as it did." I am starting to believe that now, but at the beginning, I struggled, I was falling apart, I did anything and everything to get noticed by him, but nothing worked. Now here it is 3 months later and we are still separated and living apart. I find as time passes each day does get better, however very lonely. Heres a situation: well 1 1/2 months after he (h) left, i bumped into a old bf and his w. well to make along story short. me and my old bf have been talking ever since bumping into him. things have been getting heated.. the problem is i still love my h and would do anything to work it out, but he doesnt seem interested. meanwhile this old bf seems very interested. the old bf says to me he isnt happy in his marriage. and that he never forgot about how things were between the two of us.. well with the lack of attention from my h is not giving, i find myself drawn to my old bf. i was so drawn to him that we had sex. the weird part was i didnt feel guilty, i dont know how my old bf felt. At the time I forgot the xbf had a w. The moment felt right, at least at the moment. Having sex with my old bf was great, matter of fact it was better sex then i have had in along time and I mean long time. The weird part about having sex with the old bf, after we were all done and were getting dressed my h called my cell, kinda of weird, since he hasnt called in awhile.. At that moment I felt guilty. It was like I got caught with my pants down. But should I even care what he thinks, he left me, doesnt support me, he just doesnt seem to care. know i am so confused, i like the sex with the old bf, but i am in love with my h. how did i get in this situation, i have never been with another man since me and my h got married. i dont know what i should do.. i started to think about my old bf wife, what did i do.. I have always said I would never be the other W, as the day went on and keeped thinking about her, that great feeling went away quick as the day went by. I know if I wasnt struggling with my emotions it probably would of never happen. I dont know if a part of me did it to get revenge, or to forget, or to let some stress out about my messed up life.
FlyingHigh Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 How did you get yourself into this situation?! You made a CONSCIOUS decision to have sex with the old BF. You did it to spite your H. You did it to meet your needs because your H didn't. Therefore, you felt entitled to it. Now, you just compounded the problem. Don't mean to blunt. But you had a minute opportunity to make the "right" decision to not get mixed up with an old fling, one who is married and obviously has not regards for his wife. It's amazing how these simple words "I'm not happy in my marriage" is so over used by people seeking to cheat on their spouse. And you know what? It works!!!
dgiirl Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 You know, you can overanalyze the situation to death and come up with all sorts of reasons why it happened. The more important thing is what are you going to do from here? Are you going to continue to cheat with a married man or are you going to leave him alone?
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 You know, you can overanalyze the situation to death and come up with all sorts of reasons why it happened. The more important thing is what are you going to do from here? Are you going to continue to cheat with a married man or are you going to leave him alone? I cant answer that one. I can say, this guy has given me the attention Ive long for from my h for a long time. there is no easy way to explain it... at this moment I am going to take life one day at a time and see what happens.
Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I cant answer that one. I can say, this guy has given me the attention Ive long for from my h for a long time. there is no easy way to explain it... at this moment I am going to take life one day at a time and see what happens. The question you should be asking yourself is "Do I want to save my marriage or end it?" It really is simple. Pick one. Your current choice of "take life one day at a time" doesn't cut it for any marriage to succeed. It's only a justification to not want to work on it. Are you waiting to see if: 1) your H gets jealous enough to finally start paying you attention? 2) your old BF is going to dump his wife for you? 3) which man will come to rescue you? If you have any desire to want to save or improve your marriage, don't get hooked only on to this site. Consider looking into http://www.marriagebuilders.com. It may help you and your H work on the marriage a little harder before you add more problems on to it. Hope you will reconsider leaving the married dude. Just put yourself in his wife's position. Good luck.
anna13 Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I am sure I am stating the obvious here but I'll say it anyway ... you have added a problem to your marriage that is probobly bigger than the problem you had. Trust is extremely hard to repair. When your husband finds out how do you think he will react , I dont think it would make him want to spend more time with you . People lose their marriage sometimes from just one incident of infidelity. You took a very big chance. I am sure you were feeling lonely but you should have turned to your husband or even a therapist or friend for guidance. and about your ex husband , think now , he has a wife at home just like you are a wife to your husband . you cant change what has happened but now you have to make a few decisions. Do you really want to be married to your husband? to you want to be the mistress to a man who is not being loyal or honest to his wife? also you have to think about how you are going to break this to your husband. all people make mistakes, just find a way to resolve what happened. I dont think it is a good idea to see your X again. I definitly dont think you are a bad person and like i said people make mistakes but definitly be honest .
dgiirl Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I cant answer that one. I can say, this guy has given me the attention Ive long for from my h for a long time. there is no easy way to explain it... at this moment I am going to take life one day at a time and see what happens. I can sympathize with how you must feel, however, be aware that with that attitude, you are consciously inflicting pain on the other wife.
Lor Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I cant answer that one. I can say, this guy has given me the attention Ive long for from my h for a long time. there is no easy way to explain it... at this moment I am going to take life one day at a time and see what happens. Only you can answer the question of whether you keep up the affair or not. If the xBF truely cared about you, he would leave the M he's so desperately unhappy in and hook up with you. Honey, he's giving the classic lines and you're along for the ride. I don't love my wife. I'm not happy in my marriage. I love her but I'm not in love with her. Don't you think we've heard these lines several times? If there is a chance for the two of you to actually get together, you need to get out of the situation now--no looking back unless he comes to you with D papers in hand. You are trying to use this guy to replace the void since your H is gone. Its not real and it won't last. You are using him, plain and simple, but in the process you are also becoming 3rd party to their M and may ultimately be the destroying factor of it. Can you live with that? Can you justify making yourself happy at the expense of another woman's feelings? You need to quit thinking only of yourself and your wants and needs and look at the big picture. As far as your own situation right now you really shouldn't be looking for comfort from anyone at this time. Yeah, you're lonely and it eats at you. But right now you should be learning to be comfortable with yourself by yourself. Get out and do things, get together with friends. You shouldn't be trying to ease the hurt in another man's arms....M or not.
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