inufreak89 Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 We have been dating for 3 months. I am 17 and he is 20. Me and my boyfriend see each other almost each weekend, but he lives in Georgia, and I live in South Carolina. He is in the army and in December he leaves for Iraq for a full year. Everytime he comes to see me the first thing he does is get me into my room for sex. I think it is all he wants. I care for him alot. Enough to where I would give up my home to be with him. We have only known each other for almost 4 months, and when he first met me we had sex the first night. I don't know if this relationship is for sex or commitment. I want a commitment but it seems he wants just sex. He says he has been hurt in all his relationships, like I have, and that he doesn't want to get hurt again. He just got back from his training two days ago and when he came to see me last night, he took me straight to me room and had sex with me. I can't deny I didn't want it. But I think its all he wants me for. He says its not, but what am I to believe? I need help! Can anyone give me advice? Both guys and girls are welcome!
YellowLioness Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 In my opinion, here are the things you should be concerned about: 1) lack of communication on both of your parts- Have you asked him how he feels about you? Have you asked him what his expectations are for your relationship? Do not accept any skirting around the issues, such as "I've been hurt before." That does not give you any kind of definative answer. You are looking for a concrete response (for example): "I'm not looking for a long term commitment because I've been hurt before. I just want to have fun." 2) Distance- distance can make the heart grow fonder. It also masks many kinds of problems, thusly. Here is an example- You feel like he wants sex too much, and you feel like you don't get enough quality time. However, you miss him so badly, that when he is around, you don't bring up the issues that bother you. When you analyze this relationship, you must put your emotions aside, as hard as that is. 3) His main focus is the military right now. He probably has so much on his mind right now that he may not be able to give you the emotional support you are craving. Plus, he is surrounded by a mostly male group, and is probably more concerned with his buddies then he is you. Truthfully, it sounds like you are a weekend booty call for him. He is probably telling you what you want to hear to avoid hurting your feelings. Besides, if he told you he did not want a relationship, you would probably stop having sex with him. He wants to make sure you stay available to him by keeping you guessing. Whatever the case, you should open up a line of communication with him. I would do it over e-mail. It is easier to get out what you are trying to say if the person is not sitting right beside you, trying to distract you. The phone also works well, although it is more difficult to get out your feelings if you are being put on the spot. Good luck!
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