Alexis0309 Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Okay, So me and my bf broke up like 8 weeks ago. Dang, it really doesn't seem like that long ago. WoW. We have been together for 3 1/2 years and lived together for 2 years. He was the guy that has ALWAYS been scared of commitment. It took him 1 year to offically ask me to be his girlfriend and I was his first ever serious relationship. He was 25 years old and I was 19. The same night he asked me to be his girlfriend and move in with him. I was shocked. At first living with him was hard because you just have to get use to living with someone. We would fight about things like him coming home at crazy times or him not calling me when he should. We fought.... but nothing like out of control. I just had to get use to Not always having my way. We also can to understandings about what time was to late to be out.Then, right when things were getting good for us. In every way! One moring.... two days after my father's 55th birthday, He passed away at work from a massive heart attack. I was extremly close to my dad. I was just in shock like I was numb. I was not acting like my father just passed away. Basically, to make a long story short.... I thought I was dealing with my father's death but I was really wasn't. I just tried to get back to life as Normal as quickly as I could. I felt like " I have my BF I'll be fine". I very slowly slept into a depression, which I was in deniel about at the time. My BF just thought I always had bad PMS. I got really obessive compulsive about cleaning. I was always mad and crying about anything little or big thing that happened. I would threaten to move out like every 3 weeks. I just put my BF through alot. After always trying to please me for the last 2 1/2 years he finally let me go when I threatened to move out this last time. I think it might sound like I just blame myself but I do know that he did have his fault and he wasn't Perfect. We had a somewhat decent breakup. We both cried and he didn't want to let me go but he (WE) both didn't want to keep living like that. I did want this for a long time and I know that It's the best thing for both of us. We both still Love each other and that's what made this all hurt so much. I know it was so hard for him to let me go and me to let him go. He still tried to call my brother and mother to check on me. I did get extremly depressed after the break up. Because of issues that had to do with my dad and him at dealing with it at the same time. Anyways, I know we are each other bestfriends and we both love each other. But when I asked him if we are going to be together he says " I don't know.... You know I don't think about the future". But he does go and tell my brother " Don't think I'm tring to talk to other girls cause I'm not" and he tells his mom " I want to be with Alexis the women not the little girl"...... He also called my mom and almost cried ( He got all choked up). I just don't know what to think. He is saying he doesn't know about the future but If you still love someone like he has said he loves me and showed he loves me how can you not see them in your future. All I wanted to hear was I want you to be in my Future. I just don't know what he wants. He says thing that make me think he does but then he tells me he doesn't know about the future. One thing I do know is that he want me to get better and stronger and he did say when we broke up..." There is nothing I can do for you now, You have to do this on you own". Does he really love me if he can just walk away for me in my lowest time of need? How much can One person handle? Is there hope for my relationship? I have been doing NC for the past 3 weeks now.
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