Guest Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 I met this guy through Myspace (oh no not myspace). We started emailing each other and we were so similar in personality and shared so much in common, I gave him my phone number and we would either text or talk everyday from then on. We decided to go on a date together, but I neglected telling my mom because I knew how she would feel about the circumstances of us meeting that she would not even allow me to met him. I had so much fun with him and it almost seemed like we had met before since we were just so comfortable with one another. That night he called me and told me about his life and how he was kicked out of his dad's house because he had attempted suicide and threatened his dad, he currently lives in Motel 6 where his mom assists him in paying for it, and is attending to Adult school to finish a class he had failed his senior year so he could get his high school diploma and go to college. Also, he put a restraining order against him ex girlfriend. I admitted what he had told me to my mom and sister, they want me to have absolutely nothing to do with him, but I haven't because I like him a lot and I don’t want to stop seeing him. I have been lying to my mom and my sister since then and it kills me. Sometimes I think I am wrong for even seeing him but when I am with him I don’t think about what they say. I thought I had a choice. Is it worth it? Should I admit to them that I still talk to him? Or is his past enough to deny a second chance? Do we measure a man by his self or by his self worth? I dont care about his past, i know that i will live to my potential no matter what, but my parents percieve him as a loser.
Mystic Gohan Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Without even reading all of your post i would automatically say you should measure a man by his potential, worth (eg: money and other assests) are nothing if you like or love them, i would say potential. please respond to post in link below: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101100/
konfuzd Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 One's potential is not necessarily determined by their upbringing. From your post, it sounds like this guy has a lot of emotional baggage from a stressful family life. Also, the situation with his ex seems to prove that he surrounds himself with drama and potentially dangerous people. I wouldn't totally discount him, but I would definately put your guards up when it comes to this guy. First, meeting on Myspace, (I've done it too-so, I'm not judging, just suggesting you be cautious) it can be harmless, but is also a magnet for very manipulative people. Your family is asking you not to see him because they are worried about your safety. Don't burn bridges with them to be with this guy. I know you're all wrapped up in the emotions of it all, but take the time to get to know him well. Have an honest conversation with your family, and let them know you plan on continuing to see him, but always let them know when you are with him, and where for the time being, in case something does go bad. (Maybe not with him, but psycho ex gf might be one to worry about). Please don't let the fluttery, lustful feelings for this guy get in the way of common sense. No one here wants to hear about you on the news. Be careful!
Walk Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 I assume that he's 18 now? Since you mentioned that he was finishing a class he failed during senior year.... I'm trying to think of how to say this clearly.. You need to take all the facts and see if it's a pattern of behavior, or a one time incidence that he's used as a growing experience. If he has a history of not following through on things, and avoiding problems until they reach monumental proportions, then there are serious problems with this guy and you need to listen to your family. He'll fall back into the same patterns he's always had as soon as he adjusts to the new changes in his life. The drastic changes in his life may have motivated him for a while, but it won't sustain continual growth. Is he attempting to find work? Has he found work? How about a place to live? Or is he only completing this class because otherwise his mom will yank the funding and he'd be homeless? What surrounds the situation to make you think he isn't a loser... Plenty of people work and take Adult ed classes. They raise families, have full time jobs, and take classes. Right now, all he's doing is taking a class? Just one? Or is it a full 8 hours a day? Is he putting in applications for a job? Does he have any prospects for one? What is he doing beyond taking this class to show he's really committed to pulling himself out of the situation he's found himself in? Otherwise, all I see is a guy who can't handle problems in a productive way, and then uses his mom to support him, putting out the bare minimum in order to keep her on his side. So look at the entire picture. Not just the one or two things you want to see. Don't be naive about this... Take a cold hard look at everything surrounding this guy. Don't let that puppy love blind you. Unless you enjoy having your heart crushed later... If you can prove he's attempting to better his life in all ways. Getting a job, finding his own place, and stops taking money from his mom, all while completing his ged... then potentially your family will understand that his past doesn't dictate his future. If all he's got going for him is this one class and a generous mom.... then nothing you can say would convince an outsider that this is a great guy full of potential and promise. They'll see him for who he really is... all you're seeing is who you want him to be. Look at the whole situation with fresh eyes again, and then re-evaluate what is best for your life.
Moose Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 i know that i will live to my potential no matter what,Ahhh, so niave'..... Don't be fooled. You must be pretty young. I look back, and I can see clearly that people you surround yourself with will tend to pull you back whether you realize right now or not......
Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 You have no idea how, the people who commented on my thread, has helped me through this decision. Yesterday, i told my mom and my sister about how i have been talking to this guy. My mom is disappointed in my decision to continue to see him, my sister said that i can date whom ever i want but i should reconsider everything, take a break and see if the feeling for him remain. Also, my mom said that i can F**k up my life if i want to. Sounds postive doesn't it. I have never had such an agrument over someone i wanted to date. Its as if as soon as i start dating him, i will get pregnant and be forced to live off welfare and never become anything. Every time i have ever made a decision it has always been supported by others and not my own. Now, that i have, i feel ostriced.For the first time, i didnt care. His past isnt the greatest. He is going to school, taking two classes at adult ed and has put in applications at a nearby mall so he can try and make it on his own. Acceptance can be a powerfull motivation. I dont know what i feel right now. Numb all over with a hint of apathy. what is it worth? Does eveything add up? Or is there too many holes i cant fill about his past?
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