EllieBear Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Please someone help me! I don't know what to think! I am moving on but a little bit of me is still holding on to him...Okay so my ex and I just broke up like 3 weeks ago. We were seeing each other for 9 months. Things were great! He was the best guy I have ever ment. We never argued or faught...but the one thing that bothered me was how much I got to see him. This is the only downfall to our relationship. The problem is my ex had to many activities! He is a very fit person and it makes him happy to be outside doing the things he likes to do! And that is great! He worked two jobs and liked to work out, bike, run and be outside. I would see him maybe twice a week if even that! That's one question...Was I being selfish for wanting to see him more then two times a week? When I did see him it would be like for maybe 3 or 4 hours. The weeks would always be the same. See me when he didn’t have plans to work out or do an activity or if it was raining it would be my day! I always felt I was on the bottom of the list…though he told me he doesn’t have a list… We talked about this a few times and he said that he would make a mentel note to spend more time with me. So weeks went by and things were still the same. They didn't feel like he was trying to change. I would get upset b/c I think he should have wannted to see me instead of doing the activites. Like he could still do them but he had so many and he didn't want to give any up... Like you have to give and take in relationships. I know hes an active person but he seemed to care about me. So we broke up b/c he told me that he wasn’t happy b/c he didn’t get to do all the activites he likes (which is FALSE...bc he did them all the time!) and he just didn’t have enough time for them, himself and for me. He said he didn't like to see me hurt by him b/c he knew I wanted to see him more. He also said we are “too different”. I am sooo sad! I told him to give us one more chance…he said he wasn’t sure if it could work since we are sooo different…but he wants to be my friend…so we left it at that…I told him to call me when he got back from seeing his mom and he did. We talked about his weekend and mine and then I brought up US! I said if he thought about us and he said that he didn’t have time…since he was busy…so I was like ok he then said he needs space. So does this mean there is NO chance for us? I told him I would give him space and I still care for him and he feels the same. I then asked if there was any chance for us again he said he doesn’t know and it was only a few days since we broke up…and that there isn't a time limit...He then told me not to wait for him…so that means basically “there’s no way”?! Am I right? I care for him and want him in my life…I don’t want to just be his friend…he told me he would call in a few days. Days went by and he didn't call so I called...we didn't talk about us just about what was goin on in our lives and normal stuff...I told him I had to go, but he said he would call in a few days. After the conversation and a few days of thinking I wrote him a letter saying that I felt like I was a little responsible for the break up b/c I wanted to see him all the time when I should have understood that he has a life. I feel like I ruined us..b/c I was being selfish and wanted to see more of him and I wasn't understanding. Now that he isn't in my life I know that you can't see your b/f all the time... and I should have not devoted my whole life to him. I learned that too late..It has been a week since I sent the letter and he hasn't called or texted me. I want him back and I have changed...I went from one relationship to seeing that person all the time to him and I wasn't used to it...He hasn't called so that must mean he doesn't care and isn't thinking of me?...or WORSE...he could be seeing someone else. Should I call? I don't want to b/c i called the first time....I just want to work it out and get back together...just to tell him how I feel and that I am sorry for acting the way I did...What should I do?? Or is it really over...HELP!
Jane Doe Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 If you saw him twice a week tops, and only when he had nothing else to do, I would guess that he's either not that into you or he's met someone else. Sorry to be blunt, but the signs are there. Don't call him.
phyrespryte Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 I'm sorry, but it's over. Don't call him. I don't think that he needs space as he's already created it for himself. I think maybe you need some space from him. In fact, I'm not even sure why you still want to be with this guy. You asked him to spend a little time with you and he wouldn't. The fact that he wasn't willing to compromise says a lot. If the relationship was to go on...you'd still be feeling ripped off. I also don't think it's unreasonable that you wanted to see him more. I get the feeling that wasn't exactly what you wanted. That maybe you might've been happy seeing him only once a week if he actually made it seem like he wanted to spend time with you. 3-4 hours on a rainy day...that's messed up. So I'd stop writing him and calling him. You deserve better than that.
Josalina Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 ok do not contact him, if he wants you he will contact soon enough, let him miss you, when u have been with someone 9 months it is totally normal to want to see more of them i agree with you there, but he is twisting it on u making u think u r in the wrong and ruined it, maybe it was just never meant to be, as he said u r too different. make him jealous, go out, flirt, have fun, but above all be yourself don't blame yourself for this, thats what he wants, it was bound to happen sooner or later, does he do these sports as a career or just for fun, as seeing you should be fun and if he didn't realise that then he is not worth it, u deserve better you want a man who can't wait to see you, not a man who can't wait to put on his trainers on and run around the block! obviously everyone needs space and time to themselves but the time he will have alone now he will be thinking about you, the more he is alone the more he will miss it, don't chase him, let him come to you, if not he isn't worth it. do not contact him first and if you have to, at least wait a month! in that time do loads of fun stuff to give you something to talk about and to take your mind of him. take care of yourself.
SurvivingHB Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Agreed with Jane. It happened to me. My exbf broke up with me 1 1/2 months ago. During this 1 1/2 year relationship, he always said that he needed time and space to himself. We would only see each other 2~3 times a week. If we did more than that, he would feel suffocated and full of anxiety. He would tell me that he wanted to have family with me and how much he loved me. He even told me that he could not live without me. However, 1 1/2 months ago, he told me that he never really loved me. I know everyone's case is different, but you need to find someone that meets your needs. Take care of yourself and be happy and be strong.
Author EllieBear Posted October 10, 2006 Author Posted October 10, 2006 Thanks for all the advice! I'm not blaming the break up totally on me. If you cared for someone so much like he said he did he would have given up ONE activity to see me more...but he didn't. HE just did these activites for fun. He needs to work out to feel better about himself and when he doesn't he feels like he isn't worthy. Something is messed up there in his head! I don't understand when he say he will call and then doesn't? He said he still wants to be friends and not call...I won't call him! He will miss me!
Josalina Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 my ex done that, said he wanted to b my friend but ignored me 4 ages in a month he text asking how i was, he hasn't text again in quite few days but let them miss u. u r doing the right thing.
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