Guest Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Open letter to OW/XOW only please. I am a BS. I am married 15 years with four children. My FWS has been having an affair with XOW for the last three and a half years, off and on. My problem is that this affair never ends and I dont know what to do. I've tried to leave four times. I cannot commit to reconcilliation because she is always harassing me until I feel I have to leave just to have a normal life. She writes me letters, vandalizing, threats of payback, tried to get my kids taken away from me too. She follows me in her car and shouts at me. I have tried to get 2 restraining orders, but it's always just my word against hers. Its not like I am going to have a camera in my hands at the gas station. Now she is calling XMM best friend and even I his W dont call his best friend. Its his friend. Its weird. I want my FWH to confront her, but he wont. I know he is ****ing me, but I dont know why. All relationships have their problems, but I never did anything to him to hurt him like this has hurt me. When it started, I was vulnerable because I had a baby, but now the only thing worse is being a young mother (with 4 little kids) filing for divorce to escape this abuse. I consider his affair the worst thing a man could do to his woman, it is abusive and cruel. He wants people to hate me. People are regarded highly for putting me down. He taught her to hate me (demonizing) and allows it to continue. He has painted a picture of Gozilla and I'm really very quiet and shy. He has made my reputation a political debate and its humiliating. Also, whenever we dont make it, he just goes back to her anyway. I can mark the calandar that he will be back in two weeks when he is done fooling around with our lives. He tells me he loves me and loves our family. He follows me and makes sure I wont leave him, but to me its only half hearted. He doesnt care. I can see that when I call him and tell him shes around the house and he wont even come home to be there for me. He wont confront her. If we ever lived a lie, it's right now. After the affair I dont know whats real and what is her and what is me. He has bounced back and forth without committment to either woman for a very long time. He's always trying to convince me he isnt with her. He lies to me. Constantly. He protests so passionately, too. Its exagerated. I may be shy but Im not stupid. Not anymore. They were engaged last summer for 11 days as condition for their open R to continue. I found out from a stranger. After D-day, I told him I had a dream he told me he was engaged, and it hurt me so much I woke up in tears. Well, he has now made my worst dream come true. He got cold feet and came back to my new place on his hands and knees. I cant even try to work this out with him. So, why wont she leave me alone? Why wont he choose what he wants and stop ****ing with me and my children? My kids are fried out. My spirit is broken. This affair sits on my chest like a 300 pound gorilla.
will2power Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 You have a choice too... you keep talking about what he wants and what he does. Maybe if you tell him to go away and mean it and stand your ground, you'll feel more in control of what's going on. As for the XOW harassing you, well, your H is enabling it to some degree. You don't know what he tells her and how he paints you. Since he won't speak to her about leaving you alone, then he's permitting this to trickle down to the kids as well. As a former OW, I would never bother the W or xW. No need. What she's doing is indicative of her insecurities with the relationship she has with your H because of his flip flopping all over the place. Not fair to you, not fair to her, but most importantly, not fair to the kids. You hold more control than you give yourself credit for. You don't need him to have a family with your children. If anything, you'd have more of a family if he's not in it anymore. JMHO.
Guest Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 As I have said, I have tried to leave four times. I had rented a house in another county, I found a new job and I stayed away. It's the only time she didnt ever bother me. I still had to see him every other day for child visitations, so it makes it harder to pretend he didn't exist. I've tried banning him from the house. He'd find a way in, he'd find a way to talk to me and get me to listen to him. He's very persistant. He does persue me when he shouldnt be around. I love him very much although this affair has been absolutely toxic to me and his love hurts. I didnt get a choice. I didnt just fall out of love, and I dont know how to shut that off and pretend that I dont care. either. I'm tired of leaving and I'm tired giving up my home and I'm tired of giving him back my ring and trying to figure everything out from this side. It isn't fair. I wasn't ready to divorce. I'm too far involved in my husband. My life and my history is here. We grew up together too. I dont want to compete for my life and my family. I don't know why he wont confront her, or why she wont stop going after me. I guess that I am the weak link between her and MM. I dont know the right answers. I didnt know about the affair. I wasn't expecting it because he has promised me ever since we were young that he would never cheat on me. I'm just a little country girl, I didn't know about affairs until I was thrown into it. And I didn't know it takes many times to break it off with somebody after an affair. I'm trying to learn. Trying to hold on to any kind of hope left. I'm afraid to hope for much from either of them. I just dont understand why he/she wont stop, or why it just cant be over now. Im so tired of fighting. We tried to get away this weekend and his best friend met up with us and told us she has been calling him. She can ruin a good weekend from 300 miles away. He is with me and the kids now and the affair over, but she is still around. In a real life relationship, another woman wouldnt be calling and messing around all the time trying to break them up. I dont know anybody that has to deal with this kind of intrusion on their relationship, or would even want to. It makes it even harder to get past the thoughts in my head that he loved somebody else and was sleeping with her when he was also with me. My head is spinning. Im getting hurt through my own husband and that isnt right. I would appreciate any advice from OW. What do you see happening here, what can I do or suggest to my husband to set her free, or what is going to make him want to let me go if he cant do it? What does she need from him? Would writing to her make any difference in her life? Not in a mean way, but for him to apologize and to tell her the truth. Maybe if she wasnt hurting so much she wouldnt have to feel like she has to keep hurting back. I dunno.
Sup Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 I hate to say it, but, It looks as if your husband is a serial cheater. Have you talked to a lawyer yet? Ask him about irreconcilible differences, Abandonment, etc. Also ask about a restraining order on your husband, and OW. You need to get outta there, away from that abuse. Have you been checked for STD's? That's not a good environment for your children, ask your lawyer about going fore sole custody on these grounds. Your children are in the middle of this affair! They ARE being exposed to it, and it's unhealthy to them. Do you have any family, I suggest that you go to stay with family, tell them what's going on in your marriage. Don't forget to go for child support too, (God, I hate that) But, in your case, you need it. By the way, don't store this site ANYWHERE on your computer. You don't want hubby to find out about this safe haven of yours. You should be posting on the infidelity Thread section too, You'll get a lot more help there. This area here is for those who ARE having affairs on their spouses. I hope this helps you.
spinningwheels Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Hi Guest, You wanted to get a reply from an OW, so here I am. First off, I am so sorry for the pain that you are in. I don't understand why somenone would treat you like this. It seems as if your Husband is fence-sitting. He wants to have you and her. In the process he is hurting you, and driving her crazy. Not that there is any excuse for her behavior. She seems inhuman! You need to take care of yourself! Even if you want to stay married, you need to consult an attorney--if your husband is in and out--you should have a set visitation schedule for the children. No one can make some one stay--but if you appear strong and detached to him--he may want to be with you. When it seems that you mean business--he may get off the fence! At that point--when he is seriously committed to you--he needs to write his OW a no contact letter--stating that he is with you, and she is to stay away. No phone contact, e-mails,texts, etc.....or there will be a restraining order. He cannot do this just for you. He needs to want it also. Until he is in this place anything that he says or does will not matter. He will keep jumping back and forth. As an OW, I would never treat his wife like this! I would not want anyone who would treat a person like this! My MM has driven to the point of no return with his wishy washy behavior. His wanting to be with me, wanting to not hurt his child, and his lying about his wife. After listening to his lies for so long it is enough to drive me mad---so in a way I think about acting irrationally. But only to him--not her! However, in these crazy times, I can see how someone acts crazy! Please keep us posted--and take care of yourself. Do something for yourself!
outofdarkness Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Open letter to OW/XOW only please. I am a BS. I am married 15 years with four children. My FWS has been having an affair with XOW for the last three and a half years, off and on. My problem is that this affair never ends and I dont know what to do. I've tried to leave four times. I cannot commit to reconcilliation because she is always harassing me until I feel I have to leave just to have a normal life. She writes me letters, vandalizing, threats of payback, tried to get my kids taken away from me too. She follows me in her car and shouts at me. I have tried to get 2 restraining orders, but it's always just my word against hers. Its not like I am going to have a camera in my hands at the gas station. Now she is calling XMM best friend and even I his W dont call his best friend. Its his friend. Its weird. I want my FWH to confront her, but he wont. I know he is ****ing me, but I dont know why. All relationships have their problems, but I never did anything to him to hurt him like this has hurt me. When it started, I was vulnerable because I had a baby, but now the only thing worse is being a young mother (with 4 little kids) filing for divorce to escape this abuse. I consider his affair the worst thing a man could do to his woman, it is abusive and cruel. He wants people to hate me. People are regarded highly for putting me down. He taught her to hate me (demonizing) and allows it to continue. He has painted a picture of Gozilla and I'm really very quiet and shy. He has made my reputation a political debate and its humiliating. Also, whenever we dont make it, he just goes back to her anyway. I can mark the calandar that he will be back in two weeks when he is done fooling around with our lives. He tells me he loves me and loves our family. He follows me and makes sure I wont leave him, but to me its only half hearted. He doesnt care. I can see that when I call him and tell him shes around the house and he wont even come home to be there for me. He wont confront her. If we ever lived a lie, it's right now. After the affair I dont know whats real and what is her and what is me. He has bounced back and forth without committment to either woman for a very long time. He's always trying to convince me he isnt with her. He lies to me. Constantly. He protests so passionately, too. Its exagerated. I may be shy but Im not stupid. Not anymore. They were engaged last summer for 11 days as condition for their open R to continue. I found out from a stranger. After D-day, I told him I had a dream he told me he was engaged, and it hurt me so much I woke up in tears. Well, he has now made my worst dream come true. He got cold feet and came back to my new place on his hands and knees. I cant even try to work this out with him. So, why wont she leave me alone? Why wont he choose what he wants and stop ****ing with me and my children? My kids are fried out. My spirit is broken. This affair sits on my chest like a 300 pound gorilla. I agree that you are in an abusive situation. I have endured much of what you described in your post. My H had A's for over 10 years and his behavior during that time especially was horrible...towards myself and our children...I too, have never known another man...We grew up together too, started dating in high school, continued into college, grad school and got Married in our early 20's...Its hard to imagine what life would be like without him...but not just him, his family/our mutual friends, etc..We have a very LONG history together...His OW can never take away your memories and history together! She cannot take away your sanity or your spirit. You have been beaten down, and I know because I have lived it. We are still in the process of rebuilding our M 2 years after D day...The main O W of 10 years is engaged...I don't know about the others..One was very menacing and annoying...Always calling and hanging up, trying to contact our teenage kids, driving by the house...etc...The one time I e mailed with her to ask her to stop., she told me that she would NEVER stop being his "friend" even when she wasn't physically seeing him. She told me that I was a "very sad woman" She said that I was a poor excuse for a parent and wife..blah blah blah...She had no remorse, respect or tact...She continues to do little irritating things, and I just ignore her. She is so low on my totem pole, that she's not worth my time. As long as she leaves my H and kids alone, I don't care...Do I have proof that she's leaving him alone? NO! I use my H's behavior as a gauge as to whether or not he's actively cheating. In looking back, all of the signs were there, I just didn't know how to recognize them and noon said a word to me to even indicate that he was doing this. I know lots of people knew, but noone even hinted...Now, I know what to look for and I am always on my toes, and I always have my eyes and ears open....I question even little things..If it feels suspicious, then it probrably is. We continue to go to MC and our M continues to strengthen, but it has been and will continue to be a long, sometimes painful and tedious journey...If my H really wants it to work, then it's up to HIM to cut contact with the OWs and make it crystal clear that they are no longer welcome in our lives...yes OUR lives...These OWs felt that they were part of my family....Not ALL but the two main ones...They tried to get involved with our children, families, etc...They wanted my life and not have to work for it...Some OWs are not like this..It's just like any group of people, you get the complete whackos and the normal sort...Some OWs are just normal people like you and I who made poor choices...Your's seems unstable...Don't put up with this...Make your H write her a letter and WATCH him put it in the mailbox...Watch his behavior...his work habits, etc...Sounds like she will try anything to lure him back...Your H needs to be strong enough and care/love/respect his family to make his intentions clear. She won't leave you alone b/c it's become conveniant for her to blame you for your H not leaving the marriage for her. Also, you don't know what he has told her. Mostly lies I am sure. My H did that too..It hurts alot...I agree with one poster that your H sounds like a serial cheater...Mine was...It takes alot of effort, support, faith, therapy, etc. to get past this. It's like an addiction and it's hard to beat...It's always there and the addicted person has to always be on their toes to beat it..It's like any addicition...always there ready to rear it's ugly head and there will always be someone there ready and willing to cheat with him...He holds the ball now...He needs to decide to keep it in her court or throw it at her and tell her to keep it and play with someone else...Please do not stay in a situation if it is unsafe for you and your kids! The other posters are right..It never HURTS to get an attorney's advice. At one point, I actually filed for divorce...It was a huge kick in the butt and he really knew I meant business...I don't advise doing it just to see if he would call your bluff...I DID mean business, but many times it takes a huge jolt to get someone who is addicted like that to make the move to get some help...We were separated twice while my H worked in and out patient on his addiction...It was heart wrenching and horrible, but he is a different person now and mostly at peace with himself...Sure, there are still rough times, but I have a great supportive group of people now and feel like I would be OK if I had to leave. I could not have said that 2 years ago...So something good came out of it for me...Who'd have thought that the OWs were doing ME a favor??? Dont think that you can "fix" him..He has to really want it for himself and his family...If you push him, he'll back off. People that do get help for this sort of thing often times are really at the end of their ropes...Yes, stds are BIG concern!!! I got lucky, but we did have our fair share of illnesses/other things that came home to us via my H's As...Do get tested...It's the first thing I was advised to do...DO NOT have sex with him until you have been tested...unless he agrees to use a condom...You really could be asking for a death sentance...Your kids could be in danger too...Lay everything out for him and see what he does with it...You might have to leave for a time to see if he really is serious about keeping his w and family...Don't back down on your requirements for him to stay...It's too important for your health and well being as well as your children's... Good luck and do hop over to the infidelity forum...My story is posted there under guest a couple of weeks ago...It's a great forum and you would find much support there. I have found this forum to be really helpful too with the OW's being kind, respectful, insightful and compassionate, but switching forums every so often helps you gain insight into the other side...God Bless!
stillhere Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 I'm so very sorry for your pain. I am an OW, but i can tell you that i would never ever ever do this to his W. She shouldn't be taking her anger and frustrations out on you, it is your H that is the problem. He's the one who chases you. If he loved her so much, he wouldn't be running after you when you left. I believe a restraining order is the way to go. Start logging phone calls, call the police if she is driving by your house. This woman is stalking you, and only a mentally unstable person would go to such great lengths to make someone miserable. She's taking control of your life. She's causing mental anguish for you and your children. What the h*ll is wrong with your H that he allows this woman to do this to his own children??? He may be very persistent, but you are living in a nightmare and need to be free from this psycotic cycle. No one is gaining anything. I realize you have a history with him, but is this torture really worth it? As much as i would like for my MM to leave, i would never go to such great lengths. Never. It's his choice, not mine. She's trying to make you leave for good so she can have him. If he does nothing to defend the mother of his children and the woman he is married to, then he is not worth it. I don't try to convince people to leave their M's unless it's necessary, and i believe that it is necessary. You don't deserve this. You shouldn't be treated this way. I wish you luck, because i'm afraid you are going to need it. Take some action against this woman and take your life back!
TattooedPrincess Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Open letter to OW/XOW only please. I am a BS. I am not an OW or BS. I am a product of what may happen to your children if you do not find away out of this marriage. I am married 15 years with four children. My mother was married about this long before strange things started to happen in the marriage. My FWS has been having an affair with XOW for the last three and a half years, off and on. My problem is that this affair never ends and I dont know what to do. I've tried to leave four times. I cannot commit to reconcilliation because she is always harassing me until I feel I have to leave just to have a normal life. My mother has never left because of the threats and my father ripping her mentality apart to the point I that I truly believe she didn't think she could survive with out him. She writes me letters, vandalizing, threats of payback, tried to get my kids taken away from me too. She follows me in her car and shouts at me. I have tried to get 2 restraining orders, but it's always just my word against hers. Its not like I am going to have a camera in my hands at the gas station. Now she is calling XMM best friend and even I his W dont call his best friend. Its his friend. Its weird. My mother went through this, the letters, mild vandalizing, the OW friends in town stand behind my mother at stores, banks, post office whispering bull crap. Stuff like this is going on because of your H and what he is saying to her. He riles her up on to his side to make you look bad. She thinks she knows everything when she doesn't. With her coming around picking on you, your H is getting off on it. I want my FWH to confront her, but he wont. I know he is ****ing me, but I dont know why. He is a jerk that is why. He has no attentions to confront her because he knows he is the one stirring the stink! I truly believe he is getting off on it. In his mind he thinks he has two women fighting over him. He is putting a cause to cause a cause. Puppets on the string kind of thing. All relationships have their problems, but I never did anything to him to hurt him like this has hurt me. When it started, I was vulnerable because I had a baby, but now the only thing worse is being a young mother (with 4 little kids) filing for divorce to escape this abuse. Filing for a divorce is the best thing you can do. I had wish my mother could see the great woman she was and got away from my dad. Going through what he was doing to my mother and doing a lot of the same crap that your husband is doing had done nothing but messed me up mentally. I am pretty lucky that I live a normal life as of today except for the mental anguish that I still feel that I had to live through and watch my mother be in pain. I call myself a lucky kid because I didn't get mixed up in drugs to cover my pain for what was going on. I didn't try to drink it away with alcohol. Most kids who I knew was going through this in Jr High and High school years ended up on drugs and alcohol to numb the pain in their hearts. When crap hit the fence as I grew up. I went to the stables to ride my horse. So I guess the horse back riding is what took me away from the pain. So I was some what a lucky kid. There has been so many times that I think back then I could have easly fail in those groups of kids though. I consider his affair the worst thing a man could do to his woman, it is abusive and cruel. He wants people to hate me. People are regarded highly for putting me down. He taught her to hate me (demonizing) and allows it to continue. He has painted a picture of Gozilla and I'm really very quiet and shy. He has made my reputation a political debate and its humiliating. You see the picture now of what he is doing. He is ripping you apart and that is a bad thing. Your kids are going to feel this. He will drag your kids mentality into this and you will have more to worry about. Also, whenever we dont make it, he just goes back to her anyway. I can mark the calandar that he will be back in two weeks when he is done fooling around with our lives. Stop the insanity and shut him out. It isn't worth your mentality much less taxing your children future over this man. He tells me he loves me and loves our family. He follows me and makes sure I wont leave him, but to me its only half hearted. He doesnt care. I can see that when I call him and tell him shes around the house and he wont even come home to be there for me. He wont confront her. He is a worthless man. He is even a worthless H. He feeds you lies to string you alone. He fears you are going to leave because his PUPPET SHOW will end. I am sure he is laughing at you from the inside, he probably lit up with glee knowing the OW is around aggregating you. He is turn-on by the show that is going on. If we ever lived a lie, it's right now. After the affair I dont know whats real and what is her and what is me. This is a very bad sign for you. You are getting into the affects that my mother fail into. She lost belief in her self because she became so manipulated. She didn't think she could win, she would risk losing her only child which is what she feared the most. I was nothing but a pawn when it came to my dad concerns, just another puppet string. He has bounced back and forth without committment to either woman for a very long time. He's always trying to convince me he isnt with her. He lies to me. Constantly. He protests so passionately, too. Its exagerated. I may be shy but Im not stupid. Not anymore. Then stop putting up with him. I can already tell he has wish washy you so much you are not sure if you are coming or going. Do not let him back your back into a corner and puppet string you. Next he will puppet string your children. They were engaged last summer for 11 days as condition for their open R to continue. I found out from a stranger. After D-day, I told him I had a dream he told me he was engaged, and it hurt me so much I woke up in tears. Well, he has now made my worst dream come true. He got cold feet and came back to my new place on his hands and knees. I think you should of just shut the door on him. I cant even try to work this out with him. So, why wont she leave me alone? Why wont he choose what he wants and stop ****ing with me and my children? My kids are fried out. My spirit is broken. This affair sits on my chest like a 300 pound gorilla. I must say it isn't going to work out with him. If anything I would think you would want to get rid of him. She won't leave anything alone because HE is puppet stringing her alone. He is telling her things that isn't true and she believes in every word he says. He is hyping her up on things and she thinks she has rights to treat you bad because you are made out to be the b**ch. I do not doubt that your children are fried. I have been there. It probably hurts like h*LLLL seeing their mother hurt, seeing that their father isn't acting like a father. They are probably wondering why they don't have a normal life and see friends parents being more loving. This 300 LB gorilla would disappear if you would cut the cancer that is causing the problem to begin with. Your H is a bonfield jerk! As of today I know fully my mother loved me with all her heart. despite the B.S. that went on in this family unit, she was there to listen to me, talk to me, and dream about things but it wasn't enough to completely cover the real mental wounds that I had to endure. I didn't like watching my mother being hurt, I didn't care to be ripped up and down my back by my father about why I am not like this child or this child or this child. As a little child I tried to reach a relationship with my father, first it was football games but I got ignored and became a nuisance during them, I got scolded for trying to be part of the spirt of the football game, You know. Go team go, get excited when they make a touch down, how would you like it if your father turn to you and scream BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!! Who in the h*ll does anyone be quiet during a team winning? He was the only one aloud to talk to the tv I guess. A few years later I ended up with my own horse and thought that would bond us and he spent about three years with me and through it in my mothers lap. It cut into his time to be with the OW. Yet I made a wonderful pawn for him to aggregate the h**L out of my mother. My story is long. There is more mental damage through the years, more then I really needed to remember. With all the stress, agony, that my mother had to go through. I lost her to cancer and in my book she was to young to be snapped off the earth. She was in her middle 50s. I was the one taken care of her. My dad ran as far as he can so he didn't have to be around her, my guess celebrating with the OW Would you like your children to have this kind of memory? I do not see your H any different then my Dad. AS of today my dad still tries to involve me around his O"WOMEN. I pretty much do everything to avoid it. I get to thinking sometimes this would be his ultimate goal is to get his daughter to befriend his other-women would be like spitting on my mothers grave. He would like nothing more but for me to just forget her.
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Thanks to everyone who has replied. I appreciate it. I'm going to take the time to read them carefully and maybe even mention your thoughts and concerns to hubby. I dont hide things and nothing I've said here he hasnt heard from me already. Isnt it the whole idea that when a BS finds out, she will end the M, seek a D and throw WS out the door. Would it suprise you to learn that we are already divorced. We have been legally divorced for a year and a half. Im free to go anytime. I want my family. Im not a good single person. I cant get used to another guy touching me. FWS is always in my head. My memories are our memories. I already know his likes and dislikes. He's really good with the kids. You would understand if you had an intimate relationship for as many years as I have. It's not a spouse thing, it's a family thing. Without one another we struggle. It was like losing my right arm and he couldnt work without his. He wants this to work.I want this to work. The kids want us together. The RO will not have any effect if her adult daughter is following me too. No one has witnessed the vandalism and the county wont pay for handwriting analysis or charge her for a personal civil issue (ie infidelity, manipulating, slandering) but call me crazy but she is not the issue, it's him. Writing her a NC letter would just hurt her. He already cancelled their engagement. He did throw her under the bus to be with me. Hes lied enough times a NC letter would be beneath her. I know he has lied to her, she has written about it alot. I got THE letter (you know) but by then it was too late. I already knew everything. It explained some paticularly odd things, like why husband took me to the camping store in my last trimester to buy a $350.00 tent - I couldnt figure out why he would want to go camping when I was going to have the baby anyday. He was planning on taking OW camping so they could be alone, but he had me (BW) unknowingly picking it out for her. Sighs. This is so not my fault, dear OW. You have no idea how much they lie. I cant call her a liar. She is not the liar. Is being with me in some way manipulating her to do it? I dont know anymore. I cant think. So he has played these cat and mouse games with me since the beginning, and she got involved and now when he has stopped, she hasn't. I think she wont stop because hurting me is her way of hurting him. I dont know the whys. Im only guessing. I only know that he had to create a story to explain why he had an affair. I was the monster at home and he only married me beacuse I trapped him, blah blah, he never wanted to be married to me. I've also heard she's just a friend and that it was nothing. He said I was the only one he wanted to be with. I'm too smart for my own good though. I know better than to believe that. I hate the lame excuses and the completely unplausable scnarios like going to run an errand at 6:30am. The best friends behavior - talking to xOW a few times and never mentioning it until now is also suspect. He has played both sides of the fence before in a different kind of triangle, with a business partner and my husband. They were planning on taking my husbands shares in the company and they also tried to get my shares, so they would have leverage over him and I blew the whistle on them. They were divided so one partner could not do that to the other partner when they wrote the busness plan. Anyhoo, the best friend probably wanted to hurt me back for that. Playing games with my life. All these years I have been cooking for him and having him as a guest in my home. Seeing my kids and the family, how could he try to manipulate that and why do people do this to people. I know Im country, but GOD I never get accustomed to betrayal. You'd think nothing would suprise me anymore, but it DOES. It really does. Its a wonder God allows it. Anyway, I'll talk to him about it some more. He has got to know how bad things wether he likes it or not... but I'm going to tell you right now, he's going to say he loves me and he's not going to want to let me go. Funny how I am a BW and feel so much like the other woman, so caught in between. Thanks for the invite to the infidelity forum. And thanks so much for sharing your story. I think I will peek, but maybe just keep moving on. I just wanted to stop in and ask about things from another perspective without it turning into too many other issues. I'm past the affair and want to close that door forever. Im going to be the one to compartmentalize that pain for now. Wrap it up in a pretty pink ribbon and put it away. The affair had nothing to do with me. I couldnt have stopped it. He is the one who decides one girl or the other from the very beginning. I'm not happy he chose somebody else anymore than she is that the affair ended. I'm not sitting here kissing my WS ass in the name of reconcilliation either. Calling him a prick would be a compliment. The problem is he doesnt want to be a prick anymore. I have a corpse bride costume to make for my daughter for halloween, I'm making a wig out of blue wool and also have some cookies to bake and I'm just keeping it simple, just like tattoo said. The hurting has to stop. I have no cause to hurt her. I dont want to go to court with her. This family is more important to me (from my side of things) and we are able to seperate this and have a normal life, up until she becomes confrentational again.
Recommended Posts