CrazyCassandra Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 I 'm not sure this is hte correct place to post this problem- I figured if I posted in on the infedelity area I would get a lot of flak from betrayed spouses and don't want that. I know what I am doing is wrong but I still need advice. I am a MW- married four years. My H hurt me first- right after we got married (about a year after) he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore- but instead of telling me this he ran to an OW and told her this. He had sex with her a few times and they had a strong friendship. I found out about it- he denied it for the longest time and finally ended it. The whole thing lasted about four months. I was very hurt/betrayed by his actions but did not leave him as I was embarrased that he had only been faithful in our marriage for such a short time when we were just starting out. I didn't want ot face the humiliation of divorcing him so quickly. I felt like there was something wrong with ME that he had run out and cheated so quickly. Well I found out htat my H has done this before. He's never been married but I guess when he was in other relationships he had a hard time with boundaries and strayed. He would develop emotional or physical attachements to other women and his current relationship partner would end it. I had no idea about this past as he never was unfaithful to me in the two years we dated prior to marriage. Anyway long story short I was hurt but we decided to try again. About two years into our marriage I met a guy and became friends with him (my H knew this) we kissed once and I told my H who was upset but said its only a kiss. I ended the friendship with the OM because I felt it was inappropriate. Well we met again about a year ago and I had felt ignored by my H. I don't feel that I connect with him at all. We have a good sex life but I was missing intimacy. My H is not very affectionate. So I started an affair with OM. It was just emotional at first. We would spend hours talking and sharing time together. It slowly became physical as the more time we spent togehter and the more affectionate he was- hugs, backrubs, tickling eachother and kissing. He was so tender and sweet compared to my H. OM also admired me so much and complimented me all the time. I hid this from my H for about 8 months. I know I am a bad person for doing this. But my H betrayed me and even though I dont' want to hurt him I feel this is payback in a way. Anyhow things with OM were going downhill. He wanted me to spend more and more time iwth him and leave my H for him. I don't depend on my H financially and if we divorced I would give him our house as it was his before we married. but I would have to support OM somewhat as he does not have his own place and not much money. I am not looking for a man to take care of me but I'm also not wanting to support another adult either. So the arrangement that OM and I had was workign great for me. Well he has always been threating to leave me if I dont' leave my H. I never thought he would go thru with it but he finally did. he ended things between us. He said he will always care for me but can't continue unless I leave my H. Well I am devastated. I constantly think about OM. I want him back more htan anything and now think I am making a mistake by staying with my H. If I were thinking rationally I would knwo that OM and I would never work out in the "real world". We just have different ideals and beliefs and a different priorities. But I just feel so lost without him and want to see him more than anything. I know that in order to be wtih him I have to leave my H. I want to tell my H what I've done but I'm afraid to lose him. A part of me still loves him as well. But right now all I can think about is OM and how much I need him in my life! I can't remember any of his bad qualities. I only think of hte good times. Am I feelign somethign for OM that isn't real just because I don't want to lose him?
SomeGirl1955 Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 You don't state what age group you and OM are in, but I am wondering why he doesn't have his own place for starters. Is he just out of school or something, or just very bad with money? Does he work? Is he seeing someone else, or also involved in a committed relationship? I think if you are unhappy with your spouse, leave him before taking back up with OM. I'm also questionning why he was willing to see you while you were married, then did the sudden about face.
CrazyCassandra Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 You don't state what age group you and OM are in, but I am wondering why he doesn't have his own place for starters. We are both in our late twenties. My husband is in his early 30's. OM doesn't have his own place because he is terrible at managing money. he lives paycheck to paycheck. He could make twice his salary and he would do the same. He is sort of a kid (lacking responsibility) at heart because he lives with his sister in his parents old house (they are deceased). He says that he will get his own apartment when his truck is paid off (he has an expensive bells and whistles pick up truck) He is single (except for seeing me) He's had a lot of issues with women cheating on him so I have no idea how he ended up with me. Emotionally we connnect but we aren't at the same maturity level (listen to me the MW having an affair, I know I know) LIke I said I don t depend on my husband for financial support and I do'nt want someone depending on me for that support (unless its a child). I am just confused as to if my feelings for OM are real or just a reaction to possibly losing him?
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