ynot91401 Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 I had been dating a girl for 2 yrs and this past May I got dumped. I treated her carelessly towards the end and at times we both refused to compromise on important issues. Be that as it may, I spend 3 months begging, pleading, sending flowers, emails, text msg, calls and for the most part I was ignored. She did answer my emails very occasionally but that was it. Around 8/17 I started "non contact". I did this for about a month until I sent her 5 yr old daughter a birthday card. I emailed her several days later to see if the card was received and she replied by thanking me and matter of factly telling me that she was seeing someone. I was crushed. I should have responded by telling her that her happiness is the most important thing to me and I respect her choices blah blah. Instead my email reply was to the effect of "you ruined my life, I have no will to continue blah blah". The next day, realizing my mistake I sent her a more appropriate email apologizing for my behavior and telling her I respect her choices and wish her happiness. I sent a large bouquet of flowers as well. That weekend I wrote her a very well written letter declaring my feelings while at the same time telling her I understood and respected hers. It was not a needy or desperate letter by any means. I have been NC since then. That was 2 weeks ago. Given the circumstances as I have described them, how shall I proceed? Shall I not contact her AT ALL? Shall I contact her after a couple of months and try to get a coffee date? She has a birthday on 11/7. Do I ignore it completely or perhaps send a thoughtful, simple card? Please help
db75 Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 No contact means just that my friend....no contact. Painful as it is, she doesn't want to be with you anymore and she's obviously moved on, you need to do the same. Start by completely accepting the fact that your relationship with her is over and get started with your own healing.
pmjack Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Agreed with DB75. No contact means *no contact*, not even birthday cards. You're in the process of getting over her. She has already moved on, as painful as that is to know. You have to stop thinking about her and take care of yourself now. Paul.
Josalina Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 i am sorry to say it so bluntly mate but i am afraid from a womans point of veiw, she isn't interested. i don't know how serious her and her bloke are so if u are that desperate u could stay friends and if they split up be a friend to her and a shoulder to cry on, but if she is over u this quick is she really worth it? that does sound a little harsh so i apologise, but it has to be said, but truly mate u deserve so much more. and be warey sending flowers to an ex when another man is involved as this could get edgy, imagine if you were with a lady and her ex kept ringing, emailing, texting, sending flowers, pleding to have her back etc, do u see where i am going with this? as i am worried u r gonna get hurt even more. on a more positive note u could play her at her own game, leave her alone, send a simple card for her bday if you will, but make it simple, imagine it is going to a stranger that has helped you through life in the past, kind and short but sweet, it will make her think, but again be careful of the ex as you don't wanna make a fool of yourself, and although it happens to the best of us it is a knock back. she has made it clear how she feels and i know how hard this must be for you, but make her jealous and let it get back to her from sopmeone else, don't brag about it as thats a big turn off, be the lovely guy she fell for. keep busy and although it is hard now it will get easier with time, if you could give us more info we may be able to tell you a bit more.
Winfield Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 To sum up, you're doing all the talking...but she's not listening! Why? Because she's moved on. Why did you feel the need to contact her after she'd effectively told you she was seeing someone else? Why put yourself through writing a letter or e-mail "congratulating" her on moving on, when in reality you didn't feel happy for her? In my opinion, that's a) lying and; b) a complete waste of time. I'd have received her message loud and clear before the 3 month post-breakup period, when she barely kept in contact...that being she's moved on. And it's time for you to do the same - you've wasted far too much time chasing something which simply isn't there any more... As for the birthday card and the idea of a coffee date, forget them both - besides, didn't you learn your lesson the last time you sent a card (albeit for her daughter's birthday)? If you did, I think the temptation to remain in contact (ie, "did the card arrive OK?", "will we meet for coffee?") would still be there, and you'd be right back at square one all over again. You've said your piece, but she's not listening - now, take the hint and meet someone who will listen. Good luck!
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