qismat Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 my bf and i always have a blast together.. its been the strongest relationship i've ever been in, and i love him so much. he is hilarious, always makes me laugh.. and always has so many fun, and light-hearted stories to share... i just started another thread, where i mentioned that sometimes it feels like something is missing... we're in a long distance relationship, we meet up as often as possible, but a lot of the basis of our relationship right now ends up being on the phone... anyway, my question is... has anyone been with someone who you have such an amazing time with, who always makes you laugh, and who is so easy-going.. that sometimes it feels like you can't get that EMOTIONAL INTENSITY (for lack of better words) out of them?? i mean, i can talk to him about my problems, and he's there for me.. and sometimes he'll open up to me.. i know he tries.. but it feels like he's almost too fun and happy to really get intense and have those emotional or intellectual heart to hearts with me.. its almost like there's a barrier there... he avoids anything that is more "real" and just sticks to the random stories about nothingness... we're on opposite ends of the spectrum.. i'm overly emotional and sensitive, and he's extremely easy-going... his style of conversation is to tell me a million fun stories.. from one to the other.. which is what i love about him on a lot of levels.. but then sometimes i feel like i don't get those more meaningful, and more intense conversations... and i feel like they're sort of buddy like convo's... i don't know if anyone is going to understand what i mean, but i figured it was worth posting if anyone could maybe relate?!?! i've been so torn lately.. i love this guy.. but i keep messing things up with him.. b/c sometimes i feel like our connection isn't as intense as i wish it was...
Mystic Gohan Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 i think cause he is the easy going guy that this is his way of dealing with problems by making a joke out of them, i would suggest talking to him about this problem, tell him something like you want to have a serious talk but a good talk, dont make him think you want to break up. Please respond to link below: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101010/
xBroken2Piecesx Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Well, some guys do have problems with expressing what they really feel but that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you too. I have the same problem too actually. I was with this wonderful girl once but i was so afraid that i might mess things up by saying or doing something stupid that i always found it hard to express what i truly felt towards her. This really did bother her and she talked to me about it countless times. I tried to open up more but i was just too scared of losing her by doing something stupid. So, just give your bf some time. Take one step at a time. Help him along the way. He'll open up to you more sooner or later... Best Regards
Author qismat Posted October 10, 2006 Author Posted October 10, 2006 Well, some guys do have problems with expressing what they really feel but that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you too. I have the same problem too actually. I was with this wonderful girl once but i was so afraid that i might mess things up by saying or doing something stupid that i always found it hard to express what i truly felt towards her. This really did bother her and she talked to me about it countless times. I tried to open up more but i was just too scared of losing her by doing something stupid. So, just give your bf some time. Take one step at a time. Help him along the way. He'll open up to you more sooner or later... Best Regards thanks for the post.. the thing is he does say nice things from time to time.. i guess i just sense that he has his reserves up a bit.. we're reaching the one year mark, and i feel like for that last while i keep feeling like there is a stronger emotional connection that is missing. i don't know what to do i don't want to be unrealistic... but shouldn't i sometimes get the occasional spontaneous phone call just to hear my voice b/c he misses me? i just want him to slow down with me, and enjoy quality time, its like he's always got to be doing something, or telling some story or another... if he's worried about showing me his emotional side, or worried that i might perceive him to be silly as you sort of said.. how can i encourage him to let me in to that side of him? i have talked to him about it many times.. and have told him what i want... i'm starting to worry that he's not capable of it...
xBroken2Piecesx Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Well, why don't you start doing those little deeds first? leave sweet text messages for him just to let him know that you're thinking of him or call him up just for 5 minutes to let him know you're missing him? No matter how funny, outgoing or solid that person is...those small deeds will always brighten up their days knowing that their loved ones are keeping them close at heart. I'm sure he'll follow suit soon and start doing those little things for you too. Sooner or later, he'll get comfortable about letting you in on the emotional side of him. Hope this helps. Best Regards
Walk Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 What would you describe "emotional intensity" as? Can you describe it better? I'm just wondering if he isn't a little uncertain about what you're looking for. I'm kind of confused by what you're looking for. My experience with men. If you can't describe what you want, then chances are you aren't going to get it. So leaving it vague will only confuse and frustrate your bf. I'm sure he wants to meet whatever desire you have... but what can he do to show you more emotional intensity?
amaysngrace Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 My BF is the same way as yours. He is fun, funny and very easy going. I've learned that sometimes he is actually sharing with me stories he wouldn't tell just anyone, but thinks I'm special enough to share them with. He (like your BF) isn't very emotional. I'm actually glad he's like this. To me high emotions = Drama. Guys don't always say what we wish they'd say to us. I've learned this as well. But try to look deeper into what he's sharing with you, read between his words, if you will. I bet you will find that what he says has much more meaning than you're giving it credit for.
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 AG is right, most men don't like drama - The little things that get us women going and they can't stomach it. With that being said, if you are going through something really rough, trust me, he'll be there for you, supportive and all. Just don't put expectations on him, like how you'd like him to be. He is the way he is and all he can do is make efforts to show you he loves you. Outside of that (meaning if you want him to be more romantic, or more intense, that's not going to happen) look for not only his words, but his actions. It's the little things he does for you that count too, even if they're small.
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