Anonymous. Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Ok here goes.. how it all started. (Really Long Post) A girl at work had been dropping hints in my direction for quite some time.. I just ignored them at first.. but started noticing them come more often. One day she said.. why dont we go for a drinks sometime? To which i answered sure. Eventually we got together.. went out, and agreed we would do it again sometime. The second time we got together it was great.. everything went well.. we had so much in common , it was almost weird.. we arnt exactly 2 people you would figure to have alot in common. So i had asked if she wanted to keep this going... and she told me yes but she wanted to take it slow. I felt so strongly about her it was nuts, ive had this feeling before as i have been engadged... but the feeling hadnt come in a long time, and unexpected to boot. So a few days passed.. and i asked if she wanted to go out midweek, to which she responds "maybe". I thought everything was going cool, so i asked her about her maybe answer.. She tells me she has so much going on in her life right now she doesnt have time for a relationship. She has ALOT on her mind aparently. Family problems.. Abusive ex boyfriend (recent) kids.. and a few others too boot.. So a few weeks pass.. and i cant stop thinking about her. In this time 2 other girls come into the picture.. and i still cant stop thinking about her. So i took one of the new girls out for a date. and it went alright. I tell the girl at work.. that i had gotten a few phone numbers. And the next day shes like "well did you call them?" to which i told her "yeah, why?" she answers "just wondering" A work event comes up.. and she asks me if im going, and if im driving or not.. i said "why do you need a ride?" and she basicly didnt answer me.. I think it was just some excuse to talk to me. The day comes of said event.. and I asked her if she needed a ride.. she tells me shes going to drive herself because she has somewhere to be after and needs to leave early.. 1 hour later.. she comes back to me and says "well what time do you plan to leave?" indicating that she wanted to come with me. Anyhow.. it didnt work out that i was coming back when she needed to be back. But just another sign she wanted to come with me. A few weeks pass.. we talk on and off at work.. for 5mins here and there. That week she starts text messaging me.. about stupid things that we joke about at work.. Meanwhile in the 2-3 weeks previous i hadnt got 1 message or 1 call, nor did i call or message her. So this past week.. she asks me "why did you tell me about those phone numbers you got?" And told me i could get back to her with an answer. So i invite her out for coffee.. to which she accepts. We talked about how we felt.. , shes not one to talk about how she feels.. All this time i had wondered how she really did feel. So the truth comes out. She told me she had been feeling the same way i had.. so she decided not to go on with a relationship.. because with all that she has going on, she basicly cant focus on one right now... (probably in fear that it would get messed up) The reason she was asking me about the new girl was cuz she did feel the same about me, i put 2 + 2 together. I told her, the only reason i told her about the new girl is, i figure if the 2 of us had any chance together, that she had been screwed around enough by guys that she deserved some honesty. Also that if anything did happen with this new girl, she wouldnt be way out in left field when she heard about it. The she says "Im not gonna say lets be just friends" We come to the conclussion were both screwed in this situation. I like her, she likes me, we cant be together because she needs to figure out her problems at the moment, which is good for her... getting her life straight, and making her kids priority #1. Which i understand, but this feeling is still there. So the next day... happens to be my birthday, she was invited to come out and party long before this talk we had. And she comes to me and says... "I was thinking last night i should come out for your birthday" To which i say... your always welcome to come... So i told her id give her a call and let her know when and where we all are going. When i called.. she said "I dont know" I said to her... "you dont know because your afraid if you come out, your going back on your word about what we agreed on yesterday right?" and she said yes. (about not getting into a relationship) So i said.. i understand. The girl i had a date with leaves me a message and says "sorry i couldnt get back to you earlier, i had a busy week, ill call you tommorow" I thought she was out of the picture completely, but i guess not. So i call the girl from work back and tell her the new girl called. And then ask her flat out. "Can you tell me 100% sure that what we have is not worth even a chance?" And she says it isnt. So i told her that ill take my oportunitys when i can get them then. Then i leave her a text message that night saying "Thanks for always being honest with me, if you ever need anything, you know where to find me" I got no answer. The next day i sent her a message about how my night went, and she responded back breifly. Then sent another one asking about how her night ended up, and she didnt reply. Now, I figure she didnt reply because she wants to distance herself from me so she stops thinking about the whole thing. I didnt want to put any added stress on her about the relationship thing with all the problems she is having, but at the same time i have to do what i feel is right, and sort it all out. No doubt i have added her some stress. But im not going to call her back, or message her at all. Im off work for a week now on holidays and wont even see her, which is probably a good thing. So whats my next plan of action.. Should i be friendly? Becuase when i do that or she does that, both of us start thinking "what if" again. I cant message her or call her, id be the stalker then. Should i just ignore her? Should i just be nice when shes around? I mean there is no other explanation for her not returning my messages other than her trying to distance herself from me right? Id appreciated any take on this whole situation from anyone, not just my questions at the end of this.. Thanks for reading. My mind has been going nuts for 4 weeks.
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Tell her you're too old to play this game, come here, go away, come here, go away! It's obvious you like this girl alot, so if you think she's worth waiting for, then take the chance, but explain to her the hot/cold bit must stop. She can be nicer to you and treat you with respect and most of all COMMUNICATE her thoughts and feelings, ask you questions as well, what you feel and think. She has some emotional baggage that she needs to sort out, so hopefully when she's dealt with that, she'll be more open with you.
Anonymous Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Tell her you're too old to play this game, come here, go away, come here, go away! It's obvious you like this girl alot, so if you think she's worth waiting for, then take the chance, but explain to her the hot/cold bit must stop. She can be nicer to you and treat you with respect and most of all COMMUNICATE her thoughts and feelings, ask you questions as well, what you feel and think. She has some emotional baggage that she needs to sort out, so hopefully when she's dealt with that, she'll be more open with you. Thanks for the response. I think attempting to talk to her at all right now wouldnt be the right move. Seems as if she is trying to distance herself, which is probably good for both of us. About the emotional baggage, you hit the nail on the head there, and your not the only one that has said she would probably be more open to me when shes dealt with that. Thanks again. Anymore people who would like to comment with their perspective, it would be greatly appreciated!
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