Just felt like writing...

[fabulousgal]

So I can't quite say I am over demon yet.

 

But I am doing somewhat better, I've been practicing NC for sometime now at the words of advice of my buddy Bendit, not going to parties where the demon may be, etc. I've even given up a few friends, which sucks but what else could I do. Been traveling around, working my butt off, but still somewhere...some sadness remains. I find it so odd that such a short relationship could strike me so hard. It's funny, the magnitude of how bad I feel is probably the inverse of how good I felt back then.

 

I even went out with a few boys, the last one had some hiccups and I got upset. At least that means I liked someone enough to get upset! That means I can like someone other than Demon! Who was really bad in bed btw, I just liked it bc it was him. But he was boring hehe....

 

It's funny, one day your ok, and then bam! You got memories! Hopefully that will fade too, I can't keep giving this guy so much importance to make me sad at times. I know its human, and I was in love blah blah but he ain't sittin at home worried about me. Either am I, but sometimes when I think about it, emotions-very intense, come crashing through me. Its less frequent, prob even better since the NC started.

 

I don't know if this incident has made me a little more needy than I used to be with the guys I meet. I think I do get upset a little more easily than I normally would. So lately I have been leaning to the mindset of not dating for awhile, so I can show people the real me when I am ready, not the baggage heavy me now.

 

Oh well, I guess I wasn't really asking for advice here. Just felt like writing. Hope everyone is doing well

[Vanquish]

I can relate, im the guy in this situation. Lost friends due to her dumping me because it was a circle of friends. The only emotion i have left is due to the fact that i spent some time at her side in the hospital. Now that im up for the same only as an outpatient im sure she won't even have the courtesty to call and see if everything went well, and i don't blame her, if she goes back into the hospital guess who won't be lifting a finger to see if shes ok. Even if i am still friends with her parents and seeing them yesterday and having them tell me its not the same with me not around just opened up a whole new can of worms. Sometimes i don't think ill understand and probably never will. Especially after she moved on so quickly. But some things are better left unknown.

[Teacher's Pet]

So I can't quite say I am over demon yet.

 

But I am doing somewhat better, I've been practicing NC for sometime now at the words of advice of my buddy Bendit, not going to parties where the demon may be, etc. I've even given up a few friends, which sucks but what else could I do. Been traveling around, working my butt off, but still somewhere...some sadness remains. I find it so odd that such a short relationship could strike me so hard. It's funny, the magnitude of how bad I feel is probably the inverse of how good I felt back then.

 

I'm right there with you..... me and my ex were only "together" just short of 7 months, but it was intense enough to really effect me, especially when it was over.....

 

I even went out with a few boys, the last one had some hiccups and I got upset.

 

I went out with a girl that almost crapped on me.

 

At least that means I liked someone enough to get upset!

 

Not for me...it just means I don't like being crapped on, literally or figuratively.

 

 

That means I can like someone other than Demon! Who was really bad in bed btw, I just liked it bc it was him. But he was boring hehe....

 

My ex (coincidentally, named SATAN), on the other hand...well......

 

...let's just say I'm still not walking straight. OMG......

 

It's funny, one day your ok, and then bam! You got memories! Hopefully that will fade too, I can't keep giving this guy so much importance to make me sad at times. I know its human, and I was in love blah blah but he ain't sittin at home worried about me. Either am I, but sometimes when I think about it, emotions-very intense, come crashing through me. Its less frequent, prob even better since the NC started.

 

It happens. Whether it was a "good" relationship or not, there will always be something you miss about it.

 

I miss the sex. Oh man, do I miss it.

 

DAMN, do I miss it.

 

I don't know if this incident has made me a little more needy than I used to be with the guys I meet. I think I do get upset a little more easily than I normally would. So lately I have been leaning to the mindset of not dating for awhile, so I can show people the real me when I am ready, not the baggage heavy me now.

 

I find myself to be somewhat LESS needy when I'm meeting women now. I guess it's kind of odd. I "needed" so much with her, and I got most of what I needed. Now I know better. I don't NEED anything from a woman, I just DESERVE it now. I've been to Hell, I'm ready for an Angel.

 

Damn, I'm sweet. *pats self on back*

 

Oh well, I guess I wasn't really asking for advice here. Just felt like writing. Hope everyone is doing well

 

Good. I have no advice to give. Sounds like you are in the right frame of mind. Just keep on having fun, and you never know WHO you'll meet!

 

-tp

big liar

needs sex from a woman

[D-Lish]

Um, TP. I want to hear the crapping on you story....puleeeease!

 

Being sad goes away- it lasts longer than the desperation and bottomless depressive pitt that you initially experience. But it's the sadness that seems to linger on and on....

 

I'm so sick of being sad. I actually talk to myself outloud at times "come on Dee, get over it already".... sometimes it works. Still sad though.

 

My ex and I had a great 9 months together- and then a crappy tumultuous 2 months at the end. I haven't spoken to him since he dumped me - 6 weeks ago. My life had been falling apart professionally and financially in those last two months- and I admit to being difficult and scared and needy during that time. So he got frustrated and left.

 

Since then I have pulled things together- and everything is going great for me....I'm back to my old self. The only thing missing is him. I wonder if sometimes he thinks about the good times and misses me. I don't know? Can you date someone for almost a year, be completely in love with them and then walk away with no feelings or caring for that person whatsoever? It seems he was able to do that and it bothers me. The NC bothers me too.

 

I chased him for a little, (two e-mails) then I completely stopped because he wouldn't respond to me at all. And now there is nothing- no contact, no e-mails, no texts... just a "take care" and that's it. It's been 6 weeks.

 

I have bouts of sadness every day- I long for him everyday. I put on a good show, but I can't deny I'm not over him by a longshot. But I'm not crying over it anymore- and I'm starting to date slowly.

 

I'd do anything to get back that second chance- but I wouldn't even consider calling and putting myself through that rejection again.

 

Being in love with someone who wants nothing to do with you sucks!

 

TP- tell me the crapping story- it might bring all of us out of our funk!

 

haha.

Take care you guys!

Everyone has been awesome here.

D-Lish

[burning 4 revenge]

 

...let's just say I'm still not walking straight. OMG......

 

why? what the hell did she do to you?

[Teacher's Pet]

Um, TP. I want to hear the crapping on you story....puleeeease!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=96226&page=4

 

The fun starts at Reply #18.

 

-tp

no doody here!

[Teacher's Pet]

why? what the hell did she do to you?

 

Ever watch the Kentucky Derby?

 

You find me a jockey that could ride that hard.....

 

-tp

in search of his new jockey (will supply riding crop)

[D-Lish]

haha.

My ex had IBS, he crapped his pants in a grocery store once.... and we both laughed about it after uncontrollably!

 

Okay- here's one for ya. On my very first date with a very hot guy- we were rolling around on my bed playfighting and he made me laugh.... and I FARTED!

LOUD! haha. Well, couldn't have been that bad- he went out with me for a year after that!

 

FARTED!! ON A FIRST DATE!! What is wrong with me??? No wonder I'm single!

[Teacher's Pet]

I farted on my ex WHILE she was going down on me.

 

Beat that.

 

-tp

mexican food...bad idea

[fabulousgal]

i love how my inner reflection turned into fart stories

[Teacher's Pet]

Fab Gal...

 

Sorry.

 

-tp

oopsie poopsie

[LaughMachine]

Those little demons suck, and they do pop up when you least expect them too. Well if your going to have to lose friends because of your break up, than so be it. This is a time for change and change later on in time may indeed be good for you

 

Please don't become one of those needy girls, it only repel guys away. Be strong be confident:)

[D-Lish]

Sorry about the off topic fart stories...

TP- did you really? That's awesome! I can't beat that... and I laughed so hard I almost peed again.

 

Sometimes humour is a little diversion from the pain we all feel- and I always feel better when I laugh.

 

We are all going to get over our exes- we're doing it now, we're moving on....even if we are still pining for them a bit.

 

I always fear that my ex will find this site and see what I have been writing about him and that it will only clarify for him that I was a nut!

I dreamt that the other night...that he called me and said "why are you telling everyone on LS about me?" haha.

 

I wonder if that has ever happened here....two exes lamenting about one another and seeing each other's posts.

"She's a b%tch"..."he's an a$$-&ole"..... oh wait...I know that person!

 

sigh. We're all going to make it. It's good to be someplace where strangers support one another. Summer 2000 and I are actually going to meet up at the end of the month and I'm going to show her around T-Dot. Modern technology is CRAZY!

 

Why am I telling people on loveshack about you sweety? Why because you're an a$$-ho&* ....!! I'm awake! I'm awake!

 

TP...I'm so funny, maybe I should be on stage! Sweeping it!

oh, heard that one have ya?

 

Take care everyone- sorry for disrupting the thread with my rant.

Back to what's important!

D

[D-Lish]

I find it so odd that such a short relationship could strike me so hard. It's funny, the magnitude of how bad I feel is probably the inverse of how good I felt back then.

 

I don't think that the length of time always impacts the pain proportionately. I was more upset over losing my recent ex of a year than breaking up with my husband after 7 years. It's all relative ya know?

 

I think that the intensity of a short term can almost be more painful than a long term- because it's the first few months of a relationship where all those exciting feelings develop- when your seratonin levels are at their peak. Maybe long term relationships leave you more with a feeling of longing for what was....and short term intense relationships make you desperate over what could have been. Two different but equally painful experiences. I've had both, they both hurt.

 

As for trusting again- you will. Often, recovering from a painful break up can initially drive you behind emotional walls- but if nothing else, you realize that you CAN recover from a lost love, you can get over it- and I think that drives people to try again. With caution, of course.

 

I'm dating a bit... but my heart isn't open to full fledged romance quite yet. There's no harm in you dating Fab- at the very least it reminds you that you are sought after.

 

Pain will still come and go, but we will all eventually be released from that and move on to new people.

 

Take care,

D

[fabulousgal]

its ok TP hahha

 

LaughMachine - I guess I could never really be needy, I am too independent. I think I mistake my "neediness" for wanting to get laid. Haha, its been awhile....

 

D-Lish you are exactly right about the sertonin levels causing such a hard fall, when you are in lala land, or at least when I was, I felt on cloud nine. Never had that feeling so strong before. I also have a HUGE trust complex...so weird just days before the **** hit the fan I was marveling at how lucky I was to have found a boy that was so caring and into me, that I actually didn't want to go away because he was annoying me.

 

Sigh, ain't life grand like that, 2 days later I felt like an avalanche hit and I was buried alive. I walked around for weeks literally seeing things in a dark light, nothing made me smile at all. I lost so much weight, I couldn't sleep or concentrate at work. I wanted to DIE. How stupid is that? I am marvelous, and I got shook like that. Anyway looking back on it, it seems like such an OVER reaction, but at the same time I know how strongly I cared and felt, so it makes sense to me. I still hurt, I still think about it everyday, but it's not weighing my life down. Thank god! Now I must work on getting some, haha....

[DogBrain]

Di-Lish - based on my experience, your comments about the pain of short, intensive relationships are fairly accurate.

 

I was traumatized, well, duh, I mean I couldn't do my job, was completely disorganized, could not handle being around people at all - at a time when I should have been talking, I retreated into a self-imposed prison.

 

After that settled, it was another 12 months before I had 3-4 "good" days in a row. Meanwhile, I changed my life completely - new career, something to be passionate about. That was a good thing.

 

I'm coming up on 2 years in a few weeks, and the longing is still there. I've learned to shift focus (I have ADD - we're talking a new lifeskill here - focusing, that is) and sometimes I go for a week or more without grinding over her.

 

So I'm getting back pretty well. I never expected a breakup could be so traumatizing - I have dumped and been dumped several times in my life and recovery was usually rapid - weeks, not years.

 

This time the relationship was incredibly intense - excelling by far every other relationship I've had in my life. When we were parting, she reminded me that "we have these memories"... I replied that the memories would be useless to me until I no longer loved her.

 

I was right on that one.

 

 

db

[everlong]

personally, i think i have become much calmer and i react better under stress because of the crazy way my last relastionship ended. they way i look at it is this - if i can [and her as well] can survive that we can survive anything. in fact, little things that used to annoy me, don't any more. and i am much more aware of how my actions impact others now. as for writing about things on sites like this - well, my ex and i wrote and recorded a whole cd which told the rise and fall of our relationship and its been played on the radio, friends have listened to it - so, i guess you can say we were fearless and confident - and that was one of our strengths.

 

as for farting - u know you are comfortable with someone when you are snuggling and watching tv and one of you lets one rip and the other doesn't make u feel like a turd! i have a friend that says he simply doesn't fart and his wife has never heard him. that's sounds like time on the shrink couch to me - lol.

[D-Lish]

I too am having trouble getting over the intenisty of a short term- it was only 11 months, but it was intense.... but, it went south and he will not talk to me at all now. The first two weeks I was an emotional puddle. Now I just have the longing that won't seem to subside.

 

My mom never farts in front of my dad, so sometimes I will let a loud one go and say "Dad, mom just farted"....and she blushes and he giggles.

haha. My poor parents!

 

D

[everlong]

hi d,

 

i can relate to what you are saying. i came out of a long term relationship with bumps and bruises [i am sure the ex felt hurt as well] and after close to a year after the break up, i started dating again and met someone nice. the only problem was i thought i was 'ready' to date again, but i really wasn't - so, this person and i talked about it [she is in the same boat] and we decided to take a break [not break up] and deal with our issues. that was so refreshing! showed we both had 'learned lessons' from the past and were committed to doing the right thing.

 

as for farting - ever hear of a 'toy' called fart sludge? ewwwwwwwwww

[D-Lish]

I'm coming up on 2 years in a few weeks, and the longing is still there. I've learned to shift focus (I have ADD - we're talking a new lifeskill here - focusing, that is) and sometimes I go for a week or more without grinding over her.

 

really DB? two years eh? I am hoping I don't take two years to get over this pain I feel right now- it's only been 2 months and I sometimes feel okay about it and other days feel like crap.

 

It's funny, the one obstacle I felt with my ex is that he too was still in love with another... even after 6 years. When I was with him, I always just felt her ghost was ever present! That made it really hard to get close to him. We would have fleeting intimate moments- and then he would retreat again. I always found that frustrating- and actually demeaning to our relationship.

 

I hope you can find that intense love again- find yourself willing and able to open up to another.

 

But the short, intense love affairs can be devastating!

Dee

[everlong]

I think this is related to this thread - wasn't sure where to post it

 

REQUEST FOR ADVICE: [sorry about the loooooooooong post]

 

First of all I will admit, I am not super-polished. I have flaws like everyone else. If we were perfect creatures without flaws, the desire and ambition to become a better person, [or more aptly, the importance of wanting to become a better person] would have no meaning or resonance.

 

It is ridiculous how easily we equate revealing our flaws as failure and thus keep them hidden. It like we don’t want to be seen as dirty, damaged or distorted. And that is because our biggest fear is that we just might not be who we think we are and that an entire house cleaning is needed. So, instead of viewing all of our positives, we allow ourselves to focus on the negative – and decide to shift the focus and look inward at our flaws.

 

Its like when one person ends a relationship because they need to do so to ‘find themselves’ again – this is a subtle implication that our SO is the reason why this happened. And that usually goes against the very reason why you started a relationship with that person – to grow and learn together.

 

We often say that our need to reinvent ourselves is a result of being pushed to our limits by the other person, and so we make grand, sweeping orchestral generalizations that are hinged on the premise that the other person is to blame for making us do so. That allows us to think the only way forward is to push them away. It’s a leap in logic we make because of the conflict inside us that is making all that noise.

 

We cut up the entire life of a relationship into individual pieces, and select only the ones that we see serving our new purpose and forget that we once saw the ‘whole picture’. We let the negative feelings we have at the end of a relationship override the positive feelings we had at the beginning – and believe that to become ‘reborn’ we must separate and disassociation ourselves from what is at our very core as a person – the innate state of socialization, and the need for it, that we all have within us.

 

Sometimes we allow ourselves to become compancent and greedy – thinking we need more than a great friendship – it must be romantic and passionate too. And we forget that there is an ebb and flow to life. What if someone is having trouble and decides that the best way to ‘rediscover themselves’ is to do so by themelves and choose that over the connection and benefits that come from doing so between two people, is it inevitable that by choosing that path might be based not on true refection but by emotions of the moment [end of a relationship]? I guess the question is, when someone does that, denies all avenues of communication to the other, is there any point in the person who is 'blocked' trying to 'hold on'? i ask because surely there comes a time where you simply must give up believing that you have given them enuff space and say 4 months have passed without a peep - do u just finally let go?

[DogBrain]

D-Lish

 

That was the weirdness for me. Despite a 16 year age difference (I was 55, she was 39), we had incredible chemistry. We'd committed to staying open and honest emotionally with each other. No game playing. We agreed that all the "important" stuff would take place face-to-face.

 

Instead, a week after she proclaimed her love for me, she began her abusive "come hither, go away routine" which lasted for a month. I remember calling her from the San Diego Airport late one afternoon and gasping in astonishment when she "went off" on me for calling her at a bad time. Amazing how I have this power to force folks to answer phones from 3,000 miles away!

 

A few nights later I sat down and wrote her an email saying her behavior did not at all reflect a relationship that was as serious as she said it was. Then I remembered my promise to have the important discussions face-to-face, and did not send the email. (I so wish now that I would have, btw.)

 

Two days later she calls me while I am driving home late one night and announces that she is not going to see me anymore. She said she still wanted to be able to talk with me occasionally and meet for lunch or something in a few months. Then she had the temerity to ask me if I was angry. Angry? She broke every promise she made to me, she lied to me, she played games with me, she used me. Why would I be angry - isn't that how everybody treats somebody they claim to love?

 

Five days later the anonymous phone threats began coming in. I've never received an email or call from her. 6 months later I sent her a note inviting her to lunch. No reply. A few months ago I made her aware of something that could seriously damage her career so she could do some damage control before it nuked her. That act deserved at least a thank you. Nothing.

 

So did I learn something? You bet. The person you love and the person who loves you are never, ever the same person.

 

As far as finding another love as intense - I doubt it. It took 55 years for the first one to come along. I think part of what eats at me now is knowing that such a thing will never happen again for me. I have been dating for a while, but, frankly, my heart's just not into it.

 

I took a gamble and lost. But even though I would be perfectly justified in hating her for how she abused me, I seem to be unable to do that. She had a drunken abusive father - her behavior is not her fault. However, she is responsible for fixing herself. If she does, and some day we bump into each other.... who knows?

 

But I'm not counting on that ever happening.

 

 

db

[Rooster_DAR]

My ex and I had a great 9 months together- and then a crappy tumultuous 2 months at the end. I haven't spoken to him since he dumped me - 6 weeks ago. My life had been falling apart professionally and financially in those last two months- and I admit to being difficult and scared and needy during that time. So he got frustrated and left.

 

Since then I have pulled things together- and everything is going great for me....I'm back to my old self. The only thing missing is him. I wonder if sometimes he thinks about the good times and misses me. I don't know? Can you date someone for almost a year, be completely in love with them and then walk away with no feelings or caring for that person whatsoever? It seems he was able to do that and it bothers me. The NC bothers me too.

 

I chased him for a little, (two e-mails) then I completely stopped because he wouldn't respond to me at all. And now there is nothing- no contact, no e-mails, no texts... just a "take care" and that's it. It's been 6 weeks.

 

I have bouts of sadness every day- I long for him everyday. I put on a good show, but I can't deny I'm not over him by a longshot. But I'm not crying over it anymore- and I'm starting to date slowly.

 

I'm right there with you. It's been two months since I started N/C, and although I am doing great there is still a great sadness. Although I know that hope is a dangerous thing, I guess the thought remains in the back of your mind that they will return.

 

I can't believe he was that cold to you, but you really don't know what's going through his mind. I doubt that he just moved on without any feeling, being in a relationsip for a long time will always keep it' s memories.

 

Hang in there D, I will do the same.

 

Regards,