The Flashbulb Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 It's a could-be-ten but nine months old relationship. It started like a dream. At least for me. In the beginning, everything was good whether it's actually good or not. Everything felt so good. Everything we did made us happy no matter how petty a thing was. Thinking about her and talking to her and hanging out with her and everything about her were the only things I thought were real. We thought we were perfect for each other and we (hehe) decided to never leave each other. But I couldn't possibly guess how far this could go, so prolly I wasn't extremely honest about everything with her in the very beginning of all these. And later two months, I decided to confess. And that's the very first time I broke her heart. The trust was almost gone. But it was too good to be broken off like that SO taking a little time she seemed to be on the right track again. She said she loves me. I let her know that I love her too. And it all started to go on almost just like before. But again and again I've done some mistakes thru all this time and she slowly fell outta me. And at one point she told me that she doesn't think we're gonna last long. And at another point she clearly said that she doesn't love me anymore. But still she wasn't leaving me... though there were times she went so angry and screaming and tried to break up with me but I fixed 'em over and over. It's not possible for me to live without her. But still the love wasn't back at it. It was lost. Our relationship turned so "unromantic" in a very short period. I know it's all cuz of me. I'm not the best boyfriend material around, definitely, when that's the only thing she wanted. But still she clearly said that the only reason she's with me is my extreme love for her. Yeah it's possible for me to carry a lot of love that's sufficient for both of us. But day by day, she was getting more and more inconsiderate and meaner. Those hurt me so deep but I always ignored 'em cuz those are the results of my mistakes. It seemed like I'm torturing her by making her stay with me. I broke up with her right ten hours ago. She said, fine. I said, cool. I think this is the most selfless deed I've done throughout our whole relationship. I'm sure she'll never want me back or even if she does at some point either she'll back off remembering those stupid sides of mine or prolly just for the sake of her strong ego. I'm not quite sure what I've done. But I just wanna turn back time to its beginning so that I could NOT do all the things I did which drove this dream into a nightmare. Talk to me.
Author The Flashbulb Posted October 11, 2006 Author Posted October 11, 2006 Not even one reply. That's cool. This ain't that big a problem I guess.
EllieBear Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Be happy it's over...It sounds to me that this girl just wanted to have you around because she doesn't want to be alone. She feel into the swing of things and is used to you and what you two used to do...She was comfortable...as were you. You said this is because of your "mistakes" What kind of Mistakes? Cheating ones? If cheating was the case why do you want to be with this girl if you cheated on her... It's called Break Up Because It's Broken...The cracks are there why keep on playing games you broke up with her she said Fine...Doesn't sound to me like she is that upset... Just try to move on...if she calls and wants to talk...talk to her but until then don't call her, text or email...you did nothing wrong...you can't help how you feel.
Author The Flashbulb Posted October 12, 2006 Author Posted October 12, 2006 Okay, you guys need to be a lil more clarified about the situation. The way you built the theory of our relationship in your first two lines weren't absolutely wrong. Matter of fact, hehe I was lately thinking like that too. And the most interesting part is, she always used to say things kinda like those after she said she doesn't love me anymore. But she's like so sweet and has this thing when she talks make me feel like she's just tripping. In this relationship, I've played a strange mode of understanding her 100%, expressing 15%, keeping 80% in mind and I just don't wanna believe the other 5%. Prolly to her I'm always like, I still think this is going somewhere and I still think she's the same and I still think nothing's changed and I don't understand the slick movements of thoughts in her head about something. Actually, if only I could be like the way she thinks about me, I'd be trully happy now. But I know what's going on. And day by day, it's getting harder for me to ignore. 1. She's sometimes unusually raw and naked about her points of view. Yeah, it's not quite normal for everyone but I'm well used to it. Trust me, it's not always cuz she doesn't care. She's just like that even if she were in deep "love" with me. Additionally, she's the most honest person I've ever known in my life. 2. I never ever cheat and neither she thinks or doubts that I do. And I'm totally sure that she doesn't go down that road either. (Yeah, I didn't like it when one day I was prolly just chilling with her and I don't remember when but I was asking her stupid questions like how would it be if we both could use one MSN Messenger account at once to chat and she was kinda shocked and said, -Omg, then you'll get in my account-, and I replied, -Okay, So?- and she was kinda acting shy or NOT frank and said, -Just-. And well I was lke, -Okay-. She's just a bit like that. I know cuz even before when I got in her account, she wasn't saying anything but I could understand that I was kinda forcing in. But well that's something very little. I'm sure she wasn't actually upto anything. We're both kinda weird in different ways. I'm just weirder.) And yeah so the word "cheating" can happily be omitted from my topic. And I've done mistakes like, acted cold sometimes, never really brought her gifts (even though I knew how important those could be to a girl, anyway I know you guys are gonna get me for this), haven't always done what her mind wanted me to (of course for various reasons), prolly haven't always acted like a boyfriend, started arguing over and over about things, haven't CARED ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS, haven't replied to her questions like the way she wanted me to, sometimes acting childish and lotsa lotsa little things like these. But I can strongly say, I've changed myself greatly over time only cope up with her. But they're just never enough. And she's changed now. Sometimes she pulls the trigger now even if there ain't a thing wrong with me. Damn! P.S. Excuse my spelling mistakes. I ain't quite sane right now.
atm2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 you seem so much like my soon to be ex-husband, he could always keep me with him with his persistance, and he knows that. I don't understand if you are upset or not upset...are you just regretting your decision? When my husband left I said ok, do what makes you happy...but I was devastated and i still am...i have to take it day by day. If you regrett your decision do not play games with her, if she misses you and loves you she'll come back. If you dont regret your decision then what is the problem? Any break up is hard whether you are the dumpee or the dumper, I know...my husband and I have broken up and gotten back together a million times. I think that you really need to figure out what you want before anything else happens. Don't be like us married with two children now there is a divorce in progress. You said that she would pull the trigger even if there seemed like there isn't anything wrong, i was like that for a while...there is something wrong under it all. I would keep everything inside and i would explode about little things or sometimes something would really bother me and i would explode about nothing... you just need to find out what was really bothering her. If you really miss her and want it to work you guys should really sit down and talk...not just one talking and the other one "listening" but really have a heart to heart discussion where the both of you communicate, if you don't want it to work you really should let it go.
Author The Flashbulb Posted October 12, 2006 Author Posted October 12, 2006 I just wasted eight hours out her window and kept on calling her for about "non-stop" five hours. Half the time she picked up and all the time she hung up before two to ten seconds. Throughout all this time she's uttered only one word for only once and that's a "NO" when I was asking her if she could forgive me for something I've said outta my a$$ while my a$$ was literally bouncing up on the damn wall. Anyway. Neither did she talk or came out. I just want her back, alright! I don't care whatever f*ck I've said or done. That girl's mine. And hell yeah, I regret my decision. I badly do. My decision was even worse than one time I decided to drink coffee mixed with coke. I'm sorry, I couldn't wait for her to react on this. I have a lota patience though. It ain't possible for me to do this like that. It just ain't possible for me to wait on something uncertain so I had to destroy all my ego, if there was any that is. And about dicussing our problems, we did that before but basically what happens is she gets all angry and a discussion becomes a fight. A fight means she stops talking and my stomach starts having problems. I'm kinda scared of her in these nowadays so I avoid tryina talk about stuff. I try to let her know that in my brain there ain't any matter of any color. There's only coconut water. But the actions ain't always speaking louder than words really. I took my shot. Now let's see what devil's got for my future. P.S. If you think I'm kinda compressing this sh*t on her, well I'm not. I give her a lota space I suppose. A lota space to make and change her mind. Don't stop talking.
Author The Flashbulb Posted October 19, 2006 Author Posted October 19, 2006 ________________- A NEW CHAPTER - We ain't back anymore. BUT, we're good friends now. Really good friends. Kinda like best friends. Nobody knows and understands her like I do. And she's usually most comfortable when she's around me. Deep down, I still love her and I don't know what's in her mind. But I don't hate what's happening. It's weird but nice. I'll holla at y'all people when something turns wrong.
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