YoungNY Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Hi, it's me again. I have a situation with my boyfriend and I just wanted someone else's opinion on it. My boyfriend is 25 (I'm 21) and has 2 childern (2 year old girl and 8 month old boy) with a previous girlfriend. He was very honest with me from the beginning about his childern and his ex-girlfriend. His childern are the most important thing to him and his ex-girlfriend can be a pain, but they remain good friends and I was completely fine with the situation. He doesn't pay child support, but keeps the kids on the weekends and whenever else he can. I didn't think it was a problem that he doesn't pay child support because he's still taking care of the childern; he still sees them. The reason he doesn't give his ex any money is because he doesn't have a job. He went to work after high school, but didn't make much money, so some time after his daughter was born he decided to go back to school. At his parents suggestion he quit working to focus more on school. He graduates in 3 years, but until then he doesn't plan to work. He gets aid and his parents help him out a lot. For some reason I just never thought it was a big problem, but after talking to a woman at work today who told me I should dump him because he's a "Lazy Bum", I'm thinking maybe it is a problem. I really don't know. We both made a lot of mistakes after high school, but now he gets a second chance to do the right thing because his parents are willing to help him. While I'm working to pay off credits forwards a degree I never recieved, hoping that someday, I'll be able to go back to school. I would love to be able to go back to school without having to worry about work. I did the full time job, full time school thing and it's not easy. I was proud of him that he decided to go to college after so many years out of school. He knows it's what's best for his childern and thier future. But this woman today said he was lazy because he doesn't work and he should get a job to take care of his childern. That a 25 year old man shouldn't be out there making babies, if he can't even support himself and has to depend on mommy and daddy. It never really bothered me until she said that, and I'm not sure why it does now. He's made mistakes, but he's a really good man, he loves his childern so much and he's so dedicated to doing things right this time around. However, maybe I'm just so blinded that I don't see the downfall here. Either way, I just needed to vent and maybe get some insight and advice. Thanks
Art_Critic Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 While he does sound like he is lacking direction... at 25 most people don't know exactly where they are going.. Today it is not unheard of for people that have 50/50 custody for nobody to pay child support..male or female. You never mentioned what kind of legal custody agreement they have. If they have joint custody then child support would need to be paid but with 50/50 custody normally it is only the bills and the costs for the child get split evenly. What do you think of him lacking direction ? That is really what matters ? Personally I would look at other areas of his life to see if this is a pattern.. since it is you that has to be with him then really it is your tolerance for him that matters.
Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Hi, He is not a bum if he is taking the time to get a degree. Once he gets that diploma, he has a much better chance of getting a decent paying job. He is lucky to have parents who can help him. He would be a fool not to accept their generosity. Yes, he had the unfortunate luck of becoming a young parent. Let's hope he has a good work ethic and stays in school for the next three years. As for you, if you require a guy that can take you out to dinner at nice places, you might be better off finding someone else for now.
Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I there I read this and was almost in tears to an extent. How should I even begin this, i am 25 years old a single mother of 2, a soon to be 3 yr old son and a 7 yr old daughter whom I love dearly. It has came to my attention the man you are seeing is also of my age but rather with younger ones. I see it this way, You have a lot of things you are going to have to put up with. My childrens father doesn't pay either and he used to "see them" however, on my terms basically. When he got out and starting dating again the kids sorta "drifted off" from his wanting to see. I dont force support on him nor would I ever, however, I want you to realize something this guy is 25 yrs old, he made that first baby when he was what 23.....which is plenty old enough to know what your doing. I wouldn't say dump the guy however, you need to look at it this way, the guy is old enough and doesn't have the kids all the time, he needs to atleast have a part time job and go to school. My friend is a single mother and works full time and also goes to school 3 days a week. How would you feel if he got you pregnant you two didn't work and he didn't pay child support nor help you really other than taking the kids on the weekends or whatever. Its not a fair trade its really not. Both he and his ex knew what they were doing and obviously neither of them have the mentality to meet the issue head on. This guy is definitly not a "MR PERFECT" by anymeans however, people do make mistakes. I was in your boat before my kids, my ex has 2 other kids prior to mine and he didn't support them he had a job here and there, I let him move in....etc etc. Today I sit here 1 year since the break up thinking what in gods name was I thinking???? I should have known that at the time if he did it before why not ever again.....be careful and honestly good luck with him if you decide to keep the relationship no one knows him better than you especially people on here however remember what a person will do to another, will and can be done again....keep your head up and just make sure you think really hard into this. Ok?! *smile* I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make. Hi, it's me again. I have a situation with my boyfriend and I just wanted someone else's opinion on it. My boyfriend is 25 (I'm 21) and has 2 childern (2 year old girl and 8 month old boy) with a previous girlfriend. He was very honest with me from the beginning about his childern and his ex-girlfriend. His childern are the most important thing to him and his ex-girlfriend can be a pain, but they remain good friends and I was completely fine with the situation. He doesn't pay child support, but keeps the kids on the weekends and whenever else he can. I didn't think it was a problem that he doesn't pay child support because he's still taking care of the childern; he still sees them. The reason he doesn't give his ex any money is because he doesn't have a job. He went to work after high school, but didn't make much money, so some time after his daughter was born he decided to go back to school. At his parents suggestion he quit working to focus more on school. He graduates in 3 years, but until then he doesn't plan to work. He gets aid and his parents help him out a lot. For some reason I just never thought it was a big problem, but after talking to a woman at work today who told me I should dump him because he's a "Lazy Bum", I'm thinking maybe it is a problem. I really don't know. We both made a lot of mistakes after high school, but now he gets a second chance to do the right thing because his parents are willing to help him. While I'm working to pay off credits forwards a degree I never recieved, hoping that someday, I'll be able to go back to school. I would love to be able to go back to school without having to worry about work. I did the full time job, full time school thing and it's not easy. I was proud of him that he decided to go to college after so many years out of school. He knows it's what's best for his childern and thier future. But this woman today said he was lazy because he doesn't work and he should get a job to take care of his childern. That a 25 year old man shouldn't be out there making babies, if he can't even support himself and has to depend on mommy and daddy. It never really bothered me until she said that, and I'm not sure why it does now. He's made mistakes, but he's a really good man, he loves his childern so much and he's so dedicated to doing things right this time around. However, maybe I'm just so blinded that I don't see the downfall here. Either way, I just needed to vent and maybe get some insight and advice. Thanks
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