hazelle Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 alright.. this might be a lame problem but here it goes Eric, my boyfriend, was originally my friend and then my roommate before we began dating. Before we got together, he and I were both casually dating around but not focusing on anyone in particular. We both have similar pasts involving bad break-ups and my last serious relationship ended very badly with my ex's infedeilty and lies. I am not friends with this ex, who I'll call Kenny, but Kenny still hits on me when I do see him, as we have the same friends. When Eric and I decided we liked one another and to be exclusive, we both broke off ties with anyone else we'd been seeing. However, I am still platonically friends with two of my exes and see them several times a month. Also, he has an ex that was "the love of his life" who still calls him and I found a note two days ago from her telling Eric she wants him to visit her and to sleep in her bed. When I confronted Eric about this, he said it was nothing, that his ex says those things when she's drunk and that he loves me. He also said it wasn't a big deal because I still am friends with my exes and that bothers him. Is this something to be upset about? He is very attractive and is hit on a lot and it seems that we are always jealous of one another. As far as we've discussed, we are both loyal to one another, but our mutual distrust has led to some tension. We have a large group of friends that includes each other's exes, which seems to always lead to one of us being jealous. Does anyone have some thoughts on this situation? Advice on how to trust one another? When we first got together, one of my best friends was a former boyfriend. I've basically stopped talking to him all-together because Eric is too jealous.
Craig Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 . . . ex that was "the love of his life" who still calls him and I found a note two days ago from her telling Eric she wants him to visit her and to sleep in her bed.Ok, there is privacy and then there are secrets in a relationship. Privacy is good and everyone needs some of their own. Secrets are bad in a relationship and no relationship will survive secret keeping. A secret is anything that may affect the relationship in a negative way that is not disclosed to ones partner. When I confronted Eric about this, he said it was nothing, that his ex says those things when she's drunk and that he loves me. He also said it wasn't a big deal because I still am friends with my exes and that bothers him. Is this something to be upset about? Comparing apples to oranges are we? Being friends with an ex is hardly comparable to a written invitation to sleep with someone. If he is insecure about the relationship or himself or you then he is going to experience this insecurity as being upset. I don't see a problem with you being friends with your ex's as long as you aren't doing things where something might 'just happen.' He is very attractive and is hit on a lot and it seems that we are always jealous of one another. As far as we've discussed, we are both loyal to one another, but our mutual distrust has led to some tension. We have a large group of friends that includes each other's exes, which seems to always lead to one of us being jealous. Sooner or later or never you might realize that trust comes from faith in your partner. It isn't about knowing their every movement but about knowing them at a deep and personal level. With faith trust comes. Advice on how to trust Eric and how to have him trust you? Talk a lot, be vulnerable and brave, really work on understanding Eric's fears and your own. Demonstrate your character. Show Eric that you are trustable. Maybe with luck trust will come and if it doesn't it just means that Eric is not the man for you and you are not the woman for him. But what do I know? Even though I long to trust someone special, I'm taking a break from trusting anyone on this planet.
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