Ssheena Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Ok. This past Wednesday, Oct 4, I sent an email to my BF saying I needed to take some time away, that I loved him but I thought/think he needs some serious therapy. I pretty much was brutally honest with him about the fact that he has some issues that he has to work on and I can't help him with them. So, he calls me up that night and says we shouldn't see each other anymore and he still cares about me. I did not think I was sending him a "I wanna break up email" just a you need help and until you get it, I don't want to be around. Now I feel like he pulled the ol, "you can't fire me, I quit" trick. At the time of the phone call he says there have been things I've done that really bother him but he hasn't said anything. That was nice (NOT). Thanks for telling me. Anyway, even if I do, take the email as a I'm breaking up with you email (which I guess a I need a break, you need serious help is..) my mentality is/has been: 1) first I felt relief. Whew. That's done. I was really at the end of my rope with him - always bolstering him up, dealing with his petulant moods, his drinking, 2) then I started getting sad 3) then I started (not anymore though) checking his myspace page. Then I saw that not even a week after he had changed his status from in a relationship to single and looking to date and that he wanted to meet a nice girl. I know I did the right thing and I'm not going to call, email, check his myspace page anymore, or his own webpage because I know I will be sad. It hurts that he can just immediately seemingly recover and move right on. I'm certainly not looking to meet anyone now OR date. We went out for more than a year and talked to or saw each other everyday. I miss that. Menality - for me, it's the "did I do the right thing?", why isn't he missing me, he's such a great guy ...but..., and actually for me, he was unobtainable to me 5 years ago but I finally had the relationship I wanted with him and to give up on that is hard. It hurts to think that he can seemingly so easy - move on.
joriel Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 sSheena, I'm sorry to hear that you're upset and bothered by the whole situation. I can see how it would bother you to see that he has been moving on so quickly. If it's any consolation, just because someone starts moving on doesn't mean that you don't matter to them. I've started moving on from my last relationship but I still think about her all the time. I just decided that it was time for me to stop moping and do something to get myself back on track. That's just my personality I guess. Not to pour salt in an open wound but, your letter was a sort of break-up letter. Just like breaking up, discussions about mental health are not things to be sent in letters or email. They are very sensitive subjects and if you care at all for a person, you sit them down and tell them. It bothers me that in the age of technology we have become to afraid of conflict that we send it in an email and convince ourselves that it's better that way. No, it's just easier for your conscience. I wish you the best of luck healing. It will take time and you will have ups and downs, but you can go through it and come out even better.
atm2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I totally understand what everyone is saying, but diver i totally agree with you. I also think it's a kind of control issue or in my situation it is. If he feels like talking and I don't answer, he panics. "where were you, who were you with, why didnt you answer" blah blah blah. He seems happy as long as he knows I'm not happy and I'm there when he wants or needs me. But he left me why should he be mad and angry and why should i answer to him. I shouldn't and I don't have to... no one has to be there for the exes it's our choice. I think they all feel guilty and all want us at their disposal and until we make up our mind on what we are going to do and how we really feel that it's all just going to suck.
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