kellyp1 Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 I am a smart woman, would never actually physically do anything with the MM in my life, but could never imagine loving anyone as much as I do him. It sucks... He is so amazing, I have never met anyone who I connect to like him. Give me the strength to walk away and be able to return back to just a business relationship... Right now, he gave me a hug earlier tonight and I still smell him on me. It is almost haunting...
amgine Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 i wish i could advise, but looking for that myself I too am pretty smart and couldn't do anything physical with a MM, but i feel so bonded with him. And i know about the hugs it was wonderful, felt so natural but of course its not. I wish you the best thats all i can do, just keep busy, thats what i have been told.
lovernotafighter Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 just look at those of us who ended up crossing the line..don't do it... believe me I was one of the most logical people I know who never in a million years would have guess this could happen to me..and starts so simply...do the best you can ween your self off this guy before it's to late. best of luck ~lnf
Author kellyp1 Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 Part of the good thing is that because we are aware of it, we do not put ourselves in a position where we are alone. The most alone we are is in the elevator at work that only goes down to the basement or up to the second floor. And that is a few seconds at most. A few hugs have been snuck in there - LOL - but they were quick and pretty harmless. At least physically so... It just sucks and someone at work told him he could see that my MM and I had feelings between us so now my MM gets kind of funny when other people from work are there. In my opinion, he makes it more akward then if he just treated me like a regular work friend! He is normal when no one else is there but has said he does not want people at work to think bad thoughts about us for this draw we feel to each other. The good thing is, the job part ends in a month. The bad thing is, he is under contract to help me with another project after this. I will see him probably once a week for a very long time. And he is good at what he does, can't imagine anyone else doing the work. And when he is normal, we have fun joking, laughing and being friends. The draw is not purely physicial for either of us. We think maybe we had a passionate relationship in a past life. :0) I just need to figure out how to get over the fact that we will not have one in this life...
whichwayisup Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 If you really want to feel better and move on with your life, STOP obsessing and thinking of this MM. You're letting yourself get caught up in it, instead of fighting the feelings and thoughts. Remove yourself from ANY situation that will put you two alone together, or infact, if possible, stay away from him completely. If you don't atleast TRY to get over him, you're going to suffer and be in pain for a long time. Why on earth would you want to continue down this road and let yourself still feel inlove with a man who is already married and has no intention of leaving his wife for you, let alone, start an affair. Stop thinking of him in a romantic way, "Friends" don't really have romantic feelings for eachother like you have for him.
Author kellyp1 Posted October 10, 2006 Author Posted October 10, 2006 We had a good hug one time and he called it sweet torture. He was more OK with it than I was. My conclusion was that at the end of the day, he went home to his wife while I went home alone. That is what made the torture ok for him. To say I should just get out there and date is one thing, to actually meet a normal single guy is another. I have been working 7 days a week and when my business opens it will be even more hours of those 7 days a week. I guess part of my draw is that I am lonely and we seem to get each other pretty well. While my head says to not think of him and stop the desire, my heart is fighting me on it. It is like I have a second heart sometimes that does not want me to be a good person and encourages me to follow my passion. My good heart however will always win out. At the end of the day when people ask what is my motivation for life, changing my little part of the world is more important to me than following a passion. That does not mean that I don't feel the pain in my whole body though. However, I know it will pass. I read and write to the posts here because I believe this...
2sunny Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 do not for a moment think that you are not being watched in the elevator! most elevators these days are equipped with cameras! just thought you may want to know that it is possible that someone(s) could be viewing your "hugs" in the elevator...
PoshPrincess Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 just look at those of us who ended up crossing the line..don't do it... believe me I was one of the most logical people I know who never in a million years would have guess this could happen to me..and starts so simply...do the best you can ween your self off this guy before it's to late. best of luck ~lnf I second this......100%. Too much heartbreak and really not worth it unless you're in the small minority where the A ends in an exclusive R!
justice Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Kelly, leave it alone. You are torturing yourself with this man who is not available to you and by your thoughts. If you really wanted to leave it alone, you'd find a way. It wouldn't be bothering you this much. Not meaning to sound mean or anything but as long as you let the hugs and the other things keep on happening they will. You have to stop yourself before this crap goes further. Secretly, you may not want to stop. Everytime you hug him, get a vision of him making love to his WIFE. That may help. Good luck.
Author kellyp1 Posted October 10, 2006 Author Posted October 10, 2006 I agree with the comments, however harsh they seem. I know, I am just finding a way within myself to let it go. I WILL find it though. As I said, reading everyone else's drama has been great therapy for me and scary at the same time. And I really won't allow myself to cheat, just need to get over the heart I put into my MM. And as for cameras, I actually do know where they all are, we have a lot in the building, the elevator is not one of the places though. It is only 2 floors! I still want to be friends with MM and his wife, just need to get over my feelings first and he needs to do the same. Really his getting sick has started us on that path as he has been having to sleep a lot and has felt awful so we have not had a chance to even talk that much about the work stuff we are dealing with.
justice Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 *shakes head* As long as you feel the way you do, you can't possibly have any contact with either of them. It won't get better! Only worse!! Stop with the excuses and start with the actions already! You can't just NOT eat a tasty tidbit when it's sitting right in front of you when you are starving! Believe me, I do know what I'm saying.
Author kellyp1 Posted October 10, 2006 Author Posted October 10, 2006 Which is why I said both he and I need to get over feelings first. We have gone to a form of minimal contact due to his being so sick. I have been working about 60 hours a week and really had little time to think of him. Really just expressing my heart here. The times I would have talked to him, he has been so sick we didn't talk.
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 I still want to be friends with MM and his wife, just need to get over my feelings first and he needs to do the same. Then what you need to do is tell him NO crossing the lines, NO dicussions on feelings or anything. You both should have conversations which his wife wouldn't have a problem with. If you start talking about things that you and he know his wife wouldn't approve of - Then you've crossed the line. But, honestly, I don't see HOW you are going to achieve this goal, be friends with them both. Unless you make yourself stop having feelings, stop feeling those feelings and don't think of him outside the box.
pricillia Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 amgine, Try not to cross the line, once you have been with him in a physical intimate way, it will be hard to walk away, if you think that the hug is haunting then you won't have a chance if you go further.
Author kellyp1 Posted October 11, 2006 Author Posted October 11, 2006 At work, I could never cross the line and I keep all my meetings within the 4 walls of work. The contract project is another story but the distance now is actually helping. While he gets better, it is allowing me the chance to "get better" too. So, in a month, when it is just the contract work, I hope to be better and have sorted out my own heart. As for hanging with he and his wife, it helps me see the reality. I actually like her, even though she is quite a bit younger than I. She is sweet and he really never complains about her. The only thing he ever said once was that they have grown very apart but other than that, we never discuss it. Thanks for all the messages, I plan on taking the time to get over it and drawing boundaries that should not be crossed. I would rather have the chance to have this guy in my life forever than letting anything happen and losing him for stupid reasons.
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