has anyone wanted to have sex with the ow's H?

[gracey]

Hi everyone?

 

So many of you have always had such helpful advise. Sooo, what I need to know is has anyone every wanted to F the other spouse? This has been 24/7 on my mind. What I mean is my H F'd a married w. So I think it's only right that I do the same with her husband. I know where the ow lives. only about a mile away. I have spoken to her h and more than anything in my life I want to F the hell out of him. This also comes from the fact that I have only had sex w/2 men in my life. So I know it would wound my H if I made this happen. I just don't think it is fair that he goes out and does what ever he wants while I stay at home being the loyal wife. I'm done; been done' and want revenge. I really just need to know if anyone else has had these thoughts. Please help me deal with this.

[jmargel]

Look up the 5 stages of grief, right now you are in the anger stage.

 

You might feel this way right now but I can guarantee you that afterwards you would actually feel worse. You'll still feel betrayed that your husband did this to you & then on top of that feel low that you sunk to this level. This is not going to solve any problems, only make them worse. This isn't about your brother or sister getting a new shiny toy while you sit there sulking.

 

IMO you two need marriage counseling if you want this to work out. You really haven't given any detail about your marriage before & after the cheating.

[burning 4 revenge]

I think you should do it.

[jmargel]

I think you should do it.

 

only if you don't to fix the marriage.. otherwise don't.

[stillafool]

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. My brother had an affair on his first wife 20 years ago. She did that very thing - screwed the OW husband. My brother damn near had a cow. It definitely got him back at his own game and pissed off the OW royally. Especially when the OW's H told her that my sister-in-law was much better in bed that she was.

[jmargel]

And I bet both marriages now are great, huh?

[whichwayisup]

Two wrongs do not make a right. You'd be "intentionally" cheating, on purpose for revenge. The pain will still be same and throw some guilt in there too.

 

If you want to save your marriage, go to marriage counselling and fix things, or just get a divorce.

[reneet]

Go right ahead. I'm divorced!!!

[GreenEyedLady]

Reneet, Reneet, Reneet...not helping....

[will2power]

in doing something that is positive instead of negative?

 

I know that you want revenge, but sheesh, there's so much more good you can do for society that would be so much more rewarding than this.

 

If you want to spend negative energy and make your H pay for his transgressions, then leave him and spend the time and energy on healing yourself.

 

Just my thoughts.

Hi everyone?

 

So many of you have always had such helpful advise. Sooo, what I need to know is has anyone every wanted to F the other spouse? This has been 24/7 on my mind. What I mean is my H F'd a married w. So I think it's only right that I do the same with her husband. I know where the ow lives. only about a mile away. I have spoken to her h and more than anything in my life I want to F the hell out of him. This also comes from the fact that I have only had sex w/2 men in my life. So I know it would wound my H if I made this happen. I just don't think it is fair that he goes out and does what ever he wants while I stay at home being the loyal wife. I'm done; been done' and want revenge. I really just need to know if anyone else has had these thoughts. Please help me deal with this.

[Cardinal64]

My wife cheated on me with a married man that she had apparently long had a desire for. At times, I really would love to get back at her and him for this by seducing his wife and banging her brains out.

 

But, what would really change by doing that? I would be using a woman for my own revenge and satisfaction. As much as I would enjoy the fact that the OM would stress out and probably lose sleep knowing that I had his wife, I don't think I could use a woman like that.

 

I think Im better than that. My wife and this OM were the guilty ones not me. They will have to deal with the consequences . My conscience is clear.

[GreenEyedLady]

Excellent post C64!!!

[gracey]

You are so right. I know my thoughts are wrong, I've been mulling over this for a year now. And not one time in that year did I pick up the phone and call the H. I guess I'm just feeling like "why do I have to be responsible and worry about consequences. Why do I want to protect what he so easily discarded?" I just want to know why he allowed this to happen. He didn't think of his consequences. It wasn't a spur of the moment thing. He actually had to drive for an hour everytime he meet with ow. MC would be very helpful, if we went to it.

 

My H seems to be handling his betrayal just fine. I'm the one that hasn't gotten over it. I really just don't want to feel so bitter. I'm sick of the thoughts in the back of my head every time he says something to me. He can't even tell me he loves me without that thought of "oh yeah, You've really shown me your love." I know I'm not the only one that has gone through this I just wish I knew how other people were able to hold there head up and regain there confidence. Thank you for all your posts it does help to hear other people tell me why I haven't done what I know I shouldn't do, but yes still think about doing.

[jonesgirly]

I think it's only right that I do the same with her husband.

No, it's not 'really' right, but its an understandable feeling.

 

I can imagine that the OW's husband is feeling pretty betrayed himself, which would give the two of you quite an opportunity for bonding with a common cause. That would probably be MY motivation.

 

It must be very difficult because your H doesn't seem to be acting in a very sincerely remorseful manner.

 

Trying to hurt the 'hurter' isn't going to make the situation better. In fact, it will just make you think less of your ownself. You would put yourself in the club your husband joined. (not a good thing)

 

Enjoy your integrity.

[Guest]

I found out this Feb. about the one year long affair my H had been having. It ended as soon as I found out. But I wanted revenge and reading your post helps me think that I am not going crazy. Yes, I wanted revenge and I had thought about the EXACT same thing. And every now and then when I get flashes of anger, this thought crosses my mind. I am usually a person with intergrity and self dignity. The thing is, we have an 18 months old son and I cannot imagine looking him in the eye if I ever followed through on my thoughts. I keep reminding myself that two wrongs do not make a right. The only victim from my revenge would be him. The OW would suffer but it may be another excuse to try to go back to the A with my H. H says he is remorseful but I have yet to see the remorse. But he is trying, I know. Just because I understand about the A, do not mistake it that I have fogotten or forgiven. It will take a hell of a long time to get there. But I am trying. For the sake of the family, I am trying. Just because he was immature and did a very selfish thing does not mean I will stoop to his level in order to satify my frail ego or to try and teach him a lesson. His actions will not drive me to be a person that I do not wish to become.

 

Signed,

I know how you feel. I have been there. And I am still there sometimes....

[Flyin in Clouds]

...What I mean is my H F'd a married w. So I think it's only right that I do the same with her husband. ...

 

Go for it. What's good for the gander is good for the goose. And if not him someone else. You deserve it and so does your cheating H.

 

Look you and your H can play by the same rules. What he can do, you can do, if you want to. He re-wrote your marriage vows unilaterally to include the OW. OK, fine that's the rules now. You may not have wanted them that way but your H made that decision for you.

 

And all the people are here that say it's a bad idea are rather desperate to try to save their marriages after an affair. Though why is beyond me. To me the issue is one of fairness and equality. If your husband doesn't like the idea F him. No don't actually have sex with him until you get to have some other man.

And I bet both marriages now are great, huh?

Who cares to live in a marriage when one spouse can get away with "sex" while they other has to remain forever loyal and bound by their vows, the very vows the other spouse so willing tossed aside?

 

Screw that. That's called a double standard. "I can do it, but you can't."

 

Maybe some people want to be taken advantage of that way but I sure wouldn't.

 

The pain will still be same and throw some guilt in there too.

It would go a long way toward easing the "pain". For that matter why should I be in pain over a worthless lying cheating spouse that betrayed me? Screw them. They didn't love me. They betrayed me. Guilt? For what? A revenge F is nothing to be guilty about.

 

But, what would really change by doing that? I would be using a woman for my own revenge and satisfaction.

Uh, it's mutual revenge if it is with the OW's H.

 

My wife and this OM were the guilty ones not me. They will have to deal with the consequences . My conscience is clear.

My conscience would be clear too because I''m not using the other woman. We are doing something together that we both consent to and it's fun... just like our cheating spouses were having fun... no big deal really, it's just recreational sex.

 

Terrible posts GEL and C64...

 

He actually had to drive for an hour everytime he meet with ow.

He did it because it was FUN. Go have some fun of your own and stop worring about him since he didn't give a sh*t about you.

 

My H seems to be handling his betrayal just fine. I'm the one that hasn't gotten over it.

Of course he's handeling it just fine. He's a selfish jerk. Why are you still with him? Gad... why save a marriage with a guy that really doesn't give a damn about you? I don't get it.

 

This is my take on this kind of situation. You and your H are not equals any more.

 

1. He's proven he's a stud. He can go out and get another woman. You have yet to prove you can get anyone but your H. You are sexually inferior to him.

 

2. You are morally superior to him. He cheated, you didn't. That's not good for your relationship. It builds resentment in both of you. But from the sounds of it your H has little or no remorse for his A.

 

Your having your own affair will return the balance.You will return to being equals morally and sexually. And your H can deal with the very same kind of pain he inflicted on you. But from the sound of it he won't care much.

 

No, it's not 'really' right, but its an understandable feeling.

How is it not right? Don't both parthers have equal sexual rights? Why is one supposed to be more moral than the other? Why can one "get away with it" while the other can't. That's STUPID.

 

Of course doing what your cheating spouses did is right, if the other H wants to. And if he doesn't, go find some other stud to make you happy. (Just besure it's safe sex).

 

See the reason everyone says it's wrong, two wrongs don't make a right, is because those were the rules BEFORE the A. After the A the marriage vows are re-writtten. And you as the BS get to re-write them any way you want. That's part of the penalty for having an affair. The WS no longer get to control and enslave the BS.

 

it will just make you think less of your ownself.

Quite the contrary. If my wife cheated on me, and I didn't have an affair of my own I would think a lot less of myself. Having some younger, prettier, sexier woman would make me think a whole lot more of myself and allow me to approach my wife as an equal and say "Well, honey, I'm not a helpelss worthless useless old man. Other women find me attactive and want me. So we might be able to keep the marriage going but I don't have to stay because nobody else would want me. Now, do we choose to stay together as equals and play by the same rules again, whatever those new rules are for our marriage, or do we split. Frankly Scarlet I don't give a damn? "

 

Enjoy your integrity.

Yeah virtue is it's own reward. ... thanks, but no thanks. I'll take the sex.

 

H says he is remorseful but I have yet to see the remorse.

That's because he hasn't had to pay any kind of penalty.

 

His actions will not drive me to be a person that I do not wish to become.

If you want to continue to feel superior and rub his nose in his immoral, immature behavior then fine. That's is a choice you get to make and more power to your for being so noble. BUT if you feel you want a little extra fun, excitement, joy?, pleasure, even revenge... if that makes YOU feel better then don't sacrifice yourself for your lousy cheating barely remoreseful spouse.

 

In the end you have to do what is right for you. And for me, I couldn't continue on in a relationship that was based on such inequality that my spouse could have other men but I couldn't have other women. Sorry, not an option.

 

If you think you want to, do it. If you think you'd enjoy being morally superior, sexually inferior forever then don't do it. But since your H is just fine with his betrayal I'd say he thinks he's got you over a barrel.

[mine own self]

Is there a possibility for this to escalate into violence? From H or ow? Be careful.

[gracey]

My h has been violent in the past. He hasn't hit me although I got in the way of his rage. We found out he was diabetic and he couldn't control his temper without insulin. He would go on spontaneous rampages with no notice. Now I check his glucose levels b4 we discuss anything that may lead to him getting upset. This is one of the reasons why we sweep his betrayal under the carpet. We need MC it's just a matter of the Where, and When. He works 14 hours a day sometimes 6days a week. We also have no transportation. Does anyone have any Ideas on how we get counceling?