She Wouldn't Stop Breaking Nc

[Treadstone]

As some of you know, my two-yr live in girlfriend dumped me about a month ago to get some "space to find herself" as she put it. She didn't and doesn't accept the idea that she left me for another man even though she was (or is) seeing someone else.

 

I did everything under the sun to persuade her to stay but she wouldn't so I allowed her to go. She moved out exactly 2 weeks today. I cried, griefed, felt betrayed etc but I've moved on since she move out.

 

In the last couple of weeks, I've been trying to do "no contact" with her. As it turned out, it has been easier doing NC with her than I ever thought possible. Now, the problem is she wouldn't stop breaking NC. I reckon she's called me at least 8 times in the last couple of weeks. Most of the time, I'm not here when she calls so she will leave a message - sometimes twice a day. I just never bother to return her calls but then she will call back again. She always has an excuse for calling although they all sound limsy to me.

 

Her out of town little sister and brother and his girlfriend came to town last friday and they chose to stay at my place overnight. My ex left a msg during the daytime indicating her intentions to hang out with us in the evening but as usual I didn't call her back. She called back during the night to talk to her brother. I heard her brother telling her on the phone that it was too late for her to come over even though we stayed awake and drunk for a while (way to go, Man!). Nobody pretty much mentioned her that night. We had lots of fun, weird, eh?

 

Anyhow, her family left on Saturday without seeing her. On Sunday afternoon, she called to leave a message that she wanted to come by to pick her mails. I didn't return her call. She called back in the evening wanting to know if I'll be home within the hour because she "wanted to come by for her mails". I told her that I was heading out of the door (I stayed home all night though - too tired from over-partying).

 

On the two occasions that she's caught me on the phone, I've been courteous but rushed her off within a minute. Don't know why I do that but I just do. There 's not a chance in hell that I'll ever want her back as a girlfriend but I admit it makes me feel good when she persistently calls although I don't return her calls. I'm happy when I rush her off the phone. I couldn't care more or less whether her intentions are genuine or that she's looking for an excuse to see me. I feel like I'm in a position of power and I intend to use that. Ultimately, she will get all her stuff and wouldn't have anymore excuse but so what?

 

Treadstone

[johnnytable]

Hi there.

 

For one thing, I'm really happy to hear that you don't want to have her as your girlfriend. Leaving you for another man is terrible and you should never go back to that. Fortunately you don't seem to need convincing on that end right now.

 

However, you are allowing her to contact you. I understand that this makes you feel good because it gives you "power" and "attention" (I have been there myself) but this cannot go on forever. Eventually she will go away, which would be wonderful. This will happen as long as you keep ignoring her.

 

Unfortunately being in this mindset allows this woman to still be in your head. You are still playing the game by listening to her voicemails. Why bother? If you aren't going to call her back (and you shouldn't) then why are you even listening to her calls? Just delete the message. If she gets you on the phone, hang up. You don't need to say anything or be nice to you. She left you for another man, which means she loses the right to speak to you. You don't need to explain this either.

 

So keep ignoring her. This will make her stop calling. But you need to prepare yourself to accept this (ie you might want her to start calling you again) and start off by proving it to yourself by not listening to her voicemails.

 

JT

[Treadstone]

Well said JT, I couldn't agree with your point even more. There's no doubt in my mind that I do not want her back as a girlfriend. However, I've always felt that she is going to regret her decision to leave me someday. And when she does, that will be the time for a big payback. Regardless, I've also prepared myself for any eventualities.

 

In a way, listening to her messages allows me to judge and assess myself in a variety of ways. For instance, I'm happy to know that she called and not feel the urge to call her back. It allows me to prove to myself that she means less to me than ever before.

 

We lived together for 2 years so her mails are going to keep coming here until she changes her address (if she does). Besides, the day she moved out, she left some of her belongings here - mostly her underwears, bras, langeries (don't know if its the right spelling), PJ'S and stuff like. To what end, I do not know. she claimed she didn't have enough boxes to pack them which I now think is BS.

 

I'm not dwelling on it but it will be nice if this girl will step on a landmine and ask for a second chance. That's when I'll strike with my deadly venom so she will know how it feels like. Heavens help her so she doesnt make that mistake.

 

Treadstone

[Guest]

Judge & assess yourself for all your ego needs.

 

But when the day is done id you feel the way the way you say, you would drop off her mails & clothes on her porch in the middle of the night. Then take her next call only to tell her any new mails will be returned as not at this address & really move on. Is your EGO ready for that step?

[johnnytable]

I think that you are heading into unhealthy territory.

 

NC should be about you moving on with your life. It sounds like you are using it to punish her. You are using the silent treatment on her. This isn't a nice thing to be doing.

 

She may regret her decision and she may not. Who cares? You are basing some future happiness on this occuring. It is a big setup which may not happen (and probably won't) leaving your hurt.

 

Proving to yourself that she means less is fine. However, you aren't willing to prove to yourself that she means so little that you can delete her VM to end this drama. I think that you are hooked on her contacting you. It is boosting your ego. You are boosting your ego by thinking that she will regret her decision. Perhaps you can find better ways to boost your ego which don't involve her?

[Treadstone]

It looks like you've both have me convinced that I need to start NC all over again. I really didn't look at things from your perspective and come to think of it you both may be right.

 

She came by last night to pick her mails and I was hoping the rest of her stuff. She looked like she's been through a tornado. She was a total wreck. Apparently, her supposed roomate to-be bailed out on her again at the final hour so she was stuck with paying for a two bedroom apartment which she couldn't afford alone. Now she has to move again and you can clearly see the physical drain on her.

 

I hate to think that I actually felt sorry for her even though I didn't show it. Damn it, I'm suppose to hate this b**ch like I've never hated before and yet I felt a little compassion for her. It really sucks to have a good heart by nature.

 

She only stayed for a few minutes because her ride was waiting for her outside. Weird, I found out after she left that she didn't take all her stuff with her. I don't know if its because she was too much in a hurry or something else. What do you think? I'm going to have to drop it off tonight and start NC all over again.

 

Treadstone

[johnnytable]

Definitely return all of her stuff. People leave stuff behind all of the time just so they have a reason to contact you. Just get it back to her so that she no longer has this reason, and so that you know that she doesn't have this reason (ie you won't have to worry about it).

 

The fact that she is having to move again is her problem. I'm sure she played a little bit of a victim with you to get your compassion. Don't worry about how you felt. Having a good heart is a GOOD thing. You just need to find somebody to share it with.

 

To be honest, you haven't really started NC. NC is a mindset that you aren't looking back. It is a mindset that you aren't going to contact them, and that you aren't going to accept contact from them either until you are healed. Tie up all your loose ends (ie returning her stuff) and then you can start to head in this direction.