pink_stripes Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 I was seeing this guy who lived up the street from me. I got pregnant (we used a condom, by the way) and I told him, and he was shocked but understandably so. I was, too. 3 days ago he emails me to tell me he's MARRIED and his wife just had a baby. When we met they were seperated and about to divorce but because I didn't act like I wanted a steady relationship with him (what the hell?) he decided to stay. I decided right then and there, that I didn't want anything to do with him. I told him to go on with his life like he'd never met me. He is arguing with me that he wants to be a part of the baby's life. To that I say HA! What kind of father could he possibly be, when he's a cheater, a liar and a fraud, and his wife doesn't even know. I'm not a homewrecker, nor am I trying to break up their relationship. I simply want him to leave me alone. I had my phone number changed and I won't give him the number. I am being told by several of my friends I'm doing the right thing and yet others say I should give him a chance, but I don't know.
GreenEyedLady Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 Take care of YOU and your baby...do what you think is right... About giving him a chance, a chance for what? For being part of his child's life? As a father that's his right, although under the circumstances I don't know if he would actually pursue it and I'm not familiar with Atlanta Father's Rights laws... About giving him a chance with you? That is up to you. You seem very adamant about that not being an option, so I would stick to my guns. See how everything plays out. See what he does. That's his chance. Actions speak louder than words. Good luck! You're in the middle of a real mess.
Jane Doe Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 When we met they were seperated and about to divorce but because I didn't act like I wanted a steady relationship with him (what the hell?) he decided to stay. :laugh: That's such a lame lie it's actually quite funny. Your child has a right to know who his/her father is and you shouldn't deny him/her that. As for your relationship with him, if you're smart, you'll have absolutely nothing to do with him outside of the child. Also, he needs to be financially responsible for the child, married or not. I'd advise you to see a lawyer ASAP to learn what your rights are. Also, be prepared to take a paternity test.
Author pink_stripes Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 No, not a chance with ME. The minute I found out he was married, that option was gone. I don't date married men. (knowingly) I just want him to disappear and leave me alone. He's offered to buy me a cell phone, pay the bill, and get me an apartment. He won't get it through his head that I do not want anything to do with him. I think he will pursue a relationship with the child, but to be honest I just want him to get lost. *ugh*
Author pink_stripes Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 Oh and let me point out, when I said that he was seperated when we met and they were about to divorce -- I didn't know that either. He dropped the marriage bomb and that lame excuse on me all in the same day. As far as I knew he was single. I'd even been to his house, so wtf?
GreenEyedLady Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 You don't have to be with him to share parental responsibilities...He may be just blowing smoke about being in the child's life but you'll find that out depending on what he does... MM are really good at lying so it really isn't that surprising, mine kept up his "single" charade forever...are you sure it was his house...it could have been a friend's...my best friend's H cheated on her and his OW suspected he was married, but he took her to his friend's house and said it was his so she'd get off his back about it...
Author pink_stripes Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 Well, it was the address on his drivers license, and he received mail at that house. I question myself now, but I'd been over there several times. I never asked to go, but when we were on our way to places, after he'd pick me up he'd stop back by there to check his answering machine, etc, b/c he'd pick me up as soon as he got off from work and he hadn't been home yet. I told him, if he wanted to contact me, for now, it would be via email only. I refuse to meet him anywhere, or speak to him on the phone. I am not going to let him "keep" me in an apartment or whatnot and let him think he can just stop by whenever. I'm just really pissed at him right now, and understandably so. He keeps saying he knows he's wrong but he's not the only one to blame. Quite amusing, eh? How he could possibly throw blame on me for something that he lied about. LOL
GreenEyedLady Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 He's not the only one to blame? Wow, that's rich! He has alot of ba**s, doesn't he? What is he planning on telling his W? "Oh yeah honey, I'm having a baby with another woman?" You're doing what's right and making good decisions. You have every right to be angry. He LIED to you and now a difficult situation is even more difficult...
GreenEyedLady Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 He lived up the street right? You never saw his W there?
Author pink_stripes Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 I was thinking.. maybe they really WERE seperated and the reason I never saw any "womens" stuff there was because she'd moved out. Otherwise she just didn't leave any personal stuff around the house at all and it was "decorated" in total "bachelor" style.
BUTAFLY Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 I and a few others dated mm unknowinly. I too later found out I was the OW, and I thank Sweet Jesus I did not get pregnant!!!! You my friend need to get a paternity test and file for support ASAP. The WORSE you can do is deny this child his/her father. It is NOT a time to be proud and act like you don't need him. YOU may not need him but this child does and MM needs to bond with his child if you like it or not.
Author pink_stripes Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 I suppose. Child support in Georgia really isn't worth the time it takes to go all the way to the office. It takes 6-9 months to get an order and then they do not enforce it. My ex hasn't paid but $49 in child support in nearly 5 years. I personally feel that it will all be worthless and for nothing, since he already has 3 children, they will take that into consideration, and I wouldn't get enough to even worry about. It's not child support I need, I do not need it, and I can support the child on my own. I have a good job, I own my own business and work from home plus I have tons of family. My main concern is when he tells his wife and she flips out and tries to take it out on the kid. She may or she may not, all I know is I do not want her anywhere near my child. Period. I am only 8 1/2 weeks pregnant, so I have plenty of time. I already contacted a lawyer and I know my rights. In Georgia (where I reside) if the parents weren't married at the time of conception, the father has NO rights whatsoever. I can initiate a paternity test, if I choose to do so, but if he does, and I refuse, there is nothing he can do about it. He has to have the baby legitimized as well as establish paternity and be paying child support before visitation is even considered. Plus if a mother breastfeeds (which I will) and breastfeeding is the sole source of food (which it will be- no forumula whatsoever) they do not give overnight visitation until the child is 1 year old, anyway. So, I got it covered. I want him to leave me the hell alone during the PREGNANCY that is what I should have made clear. I don't need his input, I don't need to hear him whining, and I don't need to listen to his b/s excuses.
Author pink_stripes Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 No, I just found out myself recently.
Dayzie Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 I give you much due respect b/c you are a very, very strong woman! I don't know how I would handle that situation. Do what you want. If he wants to be a part of the childs life he has to know that that means his wife will find out, DUH! Like someone above said, if you want, see a lawyer about support but if not make sure he knows if he keeps it up his wife will find out about the affair and baby.
Dayzie Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 My ex hasn't paid but $49 in child support in nearly 5 years. wow! can he really get away with it? did you ever take him to court over it. None of my business I know, but man I have a friend who if he didn't pay his child support his ex would freak out and take his ass to court, not to mention attempt to destroy his career (military). I'm just shocked that he (your ex) is allowed to get away with it. My main concern is when he tells his wife and she flips out and tries to take it out on the kid. She may or she may not, all I know is I do not want her anywhere near my child. Period. I know someone in a similar but different situation, she won't accept the child that he concieved out of wedlock, even though he wants to be a part of the boys life. She didn't know about the child until after he was born and the mother demanded support and what not. the wife had forgiven for the affair but when she found out about the child she lost it, understandably so. She said that she wouldn't allow his son to be a part of her family and their children. Needless to say they ended up divorced. GOOD LUCK
Author pink_stripes Posted October 10, 2006 Author Posted October 10, 2006 Well he's gotten away with it for 5 years. I'm telling you, child support in Georgia is sh*t. He demanded a blood test (to embarass me, we both knew our son was his) then didn't show up and was charged with contempt of court twice for it but even then they dropped the charges. If I were in the wife's shoes... I can't say that I'd be very nice to the kid or want the kid in my house or near me. I know that it's not the kids fault but who wants to see a daily reminder of my cheating husband? I'm furious at him for putting me in this position. Grrr.
Author pink_stripes Posted October 11, 2006 Author Posted October 11, 2006 Update on the situation. He emailed me and informed me that he was NOT telling his wife whatsoever, ever, about this child. He said he wasn't going to ruin his marriage over something that he did while they were seperated. He told me to have an abortion. Isn't that rich? I'm supposed to kill my child due to a "mistake" he made while they were seperated? I'm telling the wife now. He shouldn't have pissed off a hormonal pregnant woman. :|
Freedom Now Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 WHAT A CAD. Good riddance, I say. That's great. Kill the child for the sins of the father. What a sweetheart.
lover's rock Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Whoo! He's about to be in some deep road apples!! Please be sure to update and blessings on you for your strength.
Author pink_stripes Posted October 11, 2006 Author Posted October 11, 2006 Thank you all. At first I wasn't going to involve child support or anything. Now however, I've changed my mind. He sat in front of me last night and said he'd do whatever he could to help me, if I needed anthing, to let him know and he'd make it happen. I get the email this morning telling me that I needed to have an abortion that he didn't want to mess "his" life up over a mistake. He said we'd both be better off if I had an abortion. I think he thinks that I am stupid. However, I have his work information as well as his home address. That's pretty much all I need for child support. He will also be responsible for paying half my prenatal bills and as soon as all that is taken care of, my how the letters are going to be filling up his mailbox. So actually, I won't even have to tell the wife myself, Child Support Enforcement will do it for me.
Freedom Now Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Do it. Time for him to pay the piper, so to speak. You play, you pay. And, much more than this....you DESERVE to have help with your child. Stay strong. I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. You respect yourself and it shows. By the way, congratulations. A child is truly a gift from God.
outofdarkness Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 He lived up the street right? You never saw his W there? ummm...yeah...why did you not see his W if you lived right up the street??
Author pink_stripes Posted October 12, 2006 Author Posted October 12, 2006 ummm...yeah...why did you not see his W if you lived right up the street?? I already explained this in previous postings. Apparantly at the time he and his wife were seperated and she'd moved out.
Meaplus3 Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I was seeing this guy who lived up the street from me. I got pregnant (we used a condom, by the way) and I told him, and he was shocked but understandably so. I was, too. 3 days ago he emails me to tell me he's MARRIED and his wife just had a baby. When we met they were seperated and about to divorce but because I didn't act like I wanted a steady relationship with him (what the hell?) he decided to stay. I decided right then and there, that I didn't want anything to do with him. I told him to go on with his life like he'd never met me. He is arguing with me that he wants to be a part of the baby's life. To that I say HA! What kind of father could he possibly be, when he's a cheater, a liar and a fraud, and his wife doesn't even know. I'm not a homewrecker, nor am I trying to break up their relationship. I simply want him to leave me alone. I had my phone number changed and I won't give him the number. I am being told by several of my friends I'm doing the right thing and yet others say I should give him a chance, but I don't know. I must say I REALLY feel for you, this is a rather BIG mess to be in. I truely think his wife needs to eventually know what he has done here!!! After all this is a baby, a new life that he had a part in creating. I am not saying you should try to be with him, but the baby should know who it's father is. Right now I would focus on you and the BABY. It's very important to take care of yourself during pregnancy, especially the early stages. I wish the you the VERY best! Try and relax! AP:)
Recommended Posts