Guest Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 I officially met my MM (I call him this because he is living with and engaged to his girlfrend) in October 2003. I had been separated from my husband since August and it was an extremely painful break up even though it was my deceision to end the marriage. I was very lonely. I took the bus to work one morning and saw this very handsome stranger who looked up and noticed me too. For 2 months, I would see this handsome stranger from across the bus, or from across the tracks at the trains and our eyes would just lock into each others. One morning he waited for me at the train and we talked, exchanged phone numbers. He was very sweet and nice. I am a single parent and the habit of him coming to my house came quickly as it was winter and it was the easiest thing to do. He would come over very late at night when my son was in bed, or spend time with me on weekends when I did not have my son. I developed feelings for him quickly and beleived for so many reasons that this was the man who I was meant to be with. Almost 1 year into our relationship, I found out that he his girlfriend lived with his family. It was my ex who had found out and told me, and I did not beleve him until I ran into them both one morning and said her name. She asked how I knew her name and I said it was a long story. She asked me if I was seeing her boyfriend and I said yes. He pulled her away from her conversation with me and I walked away, never to speak to him again for the next 4 months. I ran into her alone one day in that time and I noticed that she now had an engagement ring on her finger. Her and I talked and I told her my story, and she continued to repeat "we are getting married. We are getting married." I continued to run into him during that period and he would stare at me, but I would not speak to him no matter how hard it was. He had trashed all of the dreams I had about us. One day, the loneliness got to me and I caved. I sent him a text to his phone saying, "missing our hot late night rendezvous" He called me back that evening and I saw him. The affair continued for another 2 years. (It ended one month ago). I have been very careful about how much of my feelings I shared to him and have tried to convince myself that the sexual relationship is the only thing I need from this man...although I know this is ridculous. A year ago (September 2005) MM began to ask me about my feelings, asking me questions like, "How do you feel about me?" "What do you think it would be like if you and I were in a relationship?" Would your family accept me?" I would always answer his questions with "It doesn't matter or it wouldn't work or it is what it is, let's not talk about it." However he persisted for months about how I felt about him, telling me how deeply he cared about me and how much he thought about me. Finally In February, MM and I had an unbelevable evening together. IT was romantic and emotional and passionate and he kept asking me how I felt. I kept ignoring the question. After he had asked me several times, he gave up. We were making love and I took his face and looked him deep in the eyes and said, "I love you". He responded with a whisper, "I love you too" and began to kiss me frantically. That night he laid there and held me and told me how happy I made him. I never felt so ecstatic in my life and I knew I wanted more from him at that moment. When he left that night to go home to hiw W, my heart broke and I never felt such a pang of loneliness in my heart. A few days later, I called him and told him that we really needed to talk. He said he couldn't. I asked when, he said I don't know. This turned into an argument and he said to me, "I'm not ready for this" and he broke up with me because he said I was being to persistent. But I felt it was important for us to confront the emotions we were expressing to each other. For months, he would not speak to me. He even changed his phone number (I was not contacting him often). Eventually he called me and gave me a number I can contact him at. It turned out to be his freind's phone number. I would have to call the friend and tell him to tell my MM to call me and he would. This was ridiculous. I found solitude from his friend. Iw ould cry to his friend about him for hours and his friend was very supportive to me. It had been months since I saw the MM again and in the meantime I developed a close emotional relationship with his friend who had been so good to me. We developed feelings for each other, although not anywhere near what I felt for the MM. However since the MM had broken up with me, I figured why not give this other man a chance and I began to see him. After a month, MM came back, telling me he missed me and wanted to see me. I caved since this is what I wanted and saw the MM. I was honest with his friend who said he understood. However it became very complicated and I could not make the decision to leave th MM for a new opportunity, especially not for his best friend. MM ended things with me and his friend then told him about he and I seeing each other. The MM got very upset with me and said osome very angry and derogatory thigns to me. I guess I deserved some of it, but I was just confused over everything and unsure of some of my actions. He recently called to apologize but said we should go our separate ways. I agreed, but I am having a really hard time imagining this man not being in my life anymore.
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