rebounds and woman

[Big Pappa Pump]

I have a question regarding what is tooo slow and what is too fast. I recently started seeing a woman who, about 1-2 months ago got out of a relationship. Not wanting to be the rebound guy, i've chosen to take things slow. SHe seems like a very cool girl, whom i sort of like, however, my biggest concern is the fact that she did get out of a relationship a couple of months ago and i don't want to be that rebound guy. But what is tooo slow and what is too fast?

[Ed]

First, you are assuming that she will rebound with someone. That's a reasonable assumption. It often does happen. However, it is possible that she could have more than one rebound relationship or she may not rebound at all. There is no way to know for sure.

 

Second, I don't care how slow you go, if you are "dating" her, then you are within the realm of a rebound situation. The only sure way to avoid catching her "on the rebound", is to not date her at all. Nothing you do will eliminate the possibility of a rebound on her part. You can only try to stack the odds in your favor.

 

Here are four possible options for you:

 

1) Date her in a normal sense. Treat her as you would any other new love interest, starting with friendship and moving on up from there at a reasonable pace, without regard to the possibility of a rebound. The upside is, you get a chance at bat. The downside...you could end up being a rebound guy.

 

2) Have an active, non-romantic friendship with her. Doing this could end you up in the "buddy" category with no chance of ever getting to seriously date her. You will also have to put up with her telling you about all the other guys she is dating and she could end up with one of them and not rebound. The upside is, you could end up with a great, new friend and possibly a girlfriend. The downside...she may never view you as anything other than a friend.

 

3) Have an inactive friendship with her. Have occasional contact with her. For the most part, be elusive, mysterious and unavailable. When you do decide to see her, treat her as if she is a date. Let her know you are interested in dating her and don't fall into a routine type of friendship situation. The upside is, you may be able maintain a level of interest, without being pegged as a friend and have the chance to really date her after you think she has gotten over her past relationships. The downside...she could loose interest in you or she could end up with another guy.

 

4) Have no contact with her at all for a period of time. You could just completely back off until a later time. Chalk it up to bad timing for now and try to catch up with her after several months have passed if you have not gotten involved with someone else by then. The upside is, you may avoid being a rebound guy and you will certainly not be pegged as a friend. The downside...you may never talk to or see her again in this lifetime.

 

Choose your poison!

 

All relationships are risky. Some are more of a risk than others. You have to decide how much risk you can withstand. Dating someone soon after they have broken up with someone else is not the ideal situation, but it doesn't mean it can't or won't serve some useful purpose for both of you in some way(s).

 

Date her if you want to. Be friends with her if want to. Drop out of the picture altogether if you want to. No matter what you choose or how fast or slow you go, nothing you do will insure a successful romantic love relationship with her.

 

Good Luck!