ttomau Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Hello. I'm new so let me introduce myself. I'm Joe, and i'm from Australia, and I'm gay. I have a dilemma and need some help resolving it. I recently started seeing someone and fell in love with him. He's fallen in love with me and everything was ok, or so I thought. He came over yesterday and told me that he was married, and has three kids. We talked for a long time and he told me that he loved me, and that if the kids weren't there he would leave her for me. Deep down he knows he's gay, and not Bisexual. Am I just being stupid to believe that he really means it? Or is it just a line that MM say to get what they want. It's hard being in this situation because I dont know what to think. I dont mean to sound whiney but I really need help with this, and I found this board and you all seem pretty level headed. Advice please?
johan Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Don't play a part in the destruction of a family. Keep your conscience free from this kind of stain. The guy is piling lies on top of lies. It's sad he's so confused, but that's how the world works. It's better to avoid being part of the tragedies when you can. You'll have other chances.
Jane Doe Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Am I just being stupid to believe that he really means it? Or is it just a line that MM say to get what they want. Yep, I'm afraid so.
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Because he's married with children, your relationship with him shouldn't go on. I know you love him and he probably cares for you as well, but don't believe him if he says he's going to leave his wife and kids to be with you. If that ever is to happen, wait until the divorce is final...I suggest you go into NC (no contact) mode with him, explain to him that you can't live your life this way. You deserve someone who you don't have to share. It was wrong of him to start up a relationship with you...
Ariadne Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Hi, Am I just being stupid to believe that he really means it? Or is it just a line that MM say to get what they want. What difference does it make? I'd say, enjoy your life . No need to worry, it's a waste of time. Ariadne
kkat Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 So, you guys are chatting and he says "hey you know what, I forgot to mention that I am married and have three children but hey I love you man" Joe, I'm sorry you are in this situation but let's focus on one fact, which you seem to see as being very relevant since you posted in this forum. He's married. He's married. He's married. This equals the following. He is not available. and He is a liar. He is a liar - in that he has conducted a relationship with you to the point of falling in love without mentioning that he is MARRIED and has CHILDREN. He is a liar - in that he is obviously not telling his wife he is GAY. He is a liar - in that he is obviously not telling his wife he is having a sexual and/or emotional relationship outside of the marriage. So let's see: What would it take for you to: Convert him to being a non-liar. Convince him to leave his wife and children. Deal with him going through the transition of living a solid straight life to being a solid gay out man. Forgive him for being a liar and a cheater. Believe he wouldn't lie and cheat on you. Deal with his children, and his ex-wife. Hey Joe - I can tell you that even without the gay issue, it doesn't work out and it's not worth investing in a MARRIED LIAR. Be well Joe - I am sorry he did this to you and confident if you cut bait fast you'll recover and move on to an available man worthy of you.
lovernotafighter Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 this is even more of a double edge sword than most MM/OP s situations Joe. for one he's married and lied..as you read many posts here MM never leave their wives and for two leaving his wife for you would also mean coming out of the closet...and most people probably struggle with this so much they end up living two lives..like your friend is starting to do. my brother dated woman being a gay male as well out of fear...he was miserable and I wish to god he would have came out years ago..but didn't till recently. my brother asked me to break the news to the family because he was so afraid and only did so because it was starting to leak..you know what I mean?..but he was so afraid and the thing is I have the coolest most excepting family on the planet...they have known I'm BI for years and no one cared at all...they were amused by it if nothing else. but men seem to fear change Joe and that's the bottom line with your MM...he is a coward..theres nothing you can do to change him, he has to do this himself..just prepare your self for more lies because he is afraid Joe and that can over ride everything.
Author ttomau Posted October 8, 2006 Author Posted October 8, 2006 I can be both. And thank you to everyone who has replied. It doesn't make it any easier, but it puts things in perspective, and emphasises things I had been thinking about. eg. kids, wife etc.
ww Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 The worst kind of liar. MARRIED AND KIDS!!!! Get him out of your life
GreenEyedLady Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Well...I have been in your MM W's shoes...and let me tell you it is MISERABLE...it is such a waste for the W...if I had known my ex was gay, I would have left sooner (and not married him in the first place!!!)... let me tell you, it is so hard to prove that someone is cheating on you with someone of the same sex, because-hey, he's my "best friend." Just imagine having the OP at every family function and holiday, sleeping over at your house, right under your nose? And the worst part is that the H is in the closet and won't admit it and everyone else supspects but won't say anything... Sorry, this isn't about me...I don't know what to tell you exactly...but I left my exh and guess what? He's still with the OM and they've been together 5+ years and are living together. But of course, they're just "roommates." As for my R with both of them, we're civil. We get along for the sake of the kids. And the kids love OM. And I have to say that I think OM has more sense than my ex.... If you really love him, then it could work out in the end. But do you really want it to?
Author ttomau Posted October 10, 2006 Author Posted October 10, 2006 GreenEyedLady: Your advice was very welcome. It gave me a lot of perspective from the other side, which I appreciate. We had a talk and decided just to be friends. I think that will work out better for the both of us. Thanks everyone for your help!
Recommended Posts