ImInPain Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Why do people persue these relationships and then wonder why they go wrong? I am not trying to be a jerk or condesending but you must realize from the begining that these types of relationships WILL have problems. They don't start out right and that makes for problems. My now ex persued me knowing I was married @ the time, and now has left me because she feels I will go back to my ex. I love her more than anything and she knows that but she is scared and now I am alone. MM/MW is not a good thing but if you must, don't question when things get funky. I am sorry and don't hate me for this post. Just getting this off my chest.
eng.teach Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 First of all, you present a very different perspective than is typically found in these forums. You were earnest in your feelings, and held up your end by leaving to be with this person. This contradicts the common, stereotyped situation. Now, what do you think is causing her fear(s)? Does she have "stuff" to base this on? Do you continue to have unnecessary contact with your ex, beyond what is needed about kids, etc.? My best friend is dealing with something along these lines... he's left to be with her, but he's also the first one over to fix a leaky faucet at his ex's. Has to be boundaries. However, if this isn't the case, all you can do is reassure her that you won't. That might take awhile, but if she was worth leaving for, she's worth it. It's understandable that both of you will go through an insecure phase. I'm sure she's known there were going to be obstacles. Kind of hard to ignore the elephant in the room when there's an elephant in the room. How they're dealt with is what will make the difference.
Author ImInPain Posted October 8, 2006 Author Posted October 8, 2006 Well she waited till I moved out and then left me. I wonder if it was just a game the whole time. Why did she stay with me the whole 3 years to leave as soon as I moved out? Could it have just been a way of getting back at my ex? I have no kids and the ex wouldn't call me over to fix things. The hardest part is my ex was my best friend and like a sister and my GF was my best friend and my lover. Now I have lost both and am just destroyed. Why would someone wait so long and then just end it? I think she has serious issues. I also think that she had someone else in the wings. What a crappy thing to do. Oh well I hope rebound guy realizes thats all he is...
Freedom Now Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Is it possible that your OW got to a point after three years that she had had enough of the affair? Did she tell you frequently that the affair was hurting you? I can personally tell you that these affairs take a major toll on the OW. There are no words to describe the range of emotions that we go through because we love our MM. And, history has shown after reading some of these threads, that the MM tends to go back to the wife frequently. Not always, but frequently. Perhaps she fears that you will return to your wife. Could that be a possibility?
Author ImInPain Posted October 8, 2006 Author Posted October 8, 2006 Is it possible that your OW got to a point after three years that she had had enough of the affair? Did she tell you frequently that the affair was hurting you? I can personally tell you that these affairs take a major toll on the OW. There are no words to describe the range of emotions that we go through because we love our MM. And, history has shown after reading some of these threads, that the MM tends to go back to the wife frequently. Not always, but frequently. Perhaps she fears that you will return to your wife. Could that be a possibility? It is one of her fears as that is what I had already done. But she knows that the ex and I seperated over intimacy issues and that I would not sleep with the ex ever again. She was the only one I slept with for the past 5 years and she knows that too. I know she is hurt and running and scared but why would I give her a ring and ask her to marry me and bear our children if I was going to go back? I also was no longer married when I went back. You are correct this did take it's toll on her and I think she was OK until I asked her to marry me and that brought everything to a head. What can I do? I am so lost and hurt. I really love this woman and want to be with her forever..... Will time make her see that I have left the ex and am waiting for her. I have told her I will wait forever... I mean that because she is my true love and that is for real. __________________ Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb you.
Freedom Now Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Would it be too painful for you to share more details about your relationship? I think that if we had a better grasp on your situation, we may be able to help you further. Does she contact YOU at all now? Or is it you contacting her? Is she seeing someone else? And how long ago did this break happen?
Author ImInPain Posted October 8, 2006 Author Posted October 8, 2006 The total break happened about 2 weeks ago. But all summer she has been very confused. She wanted me to get out of the ex's house forever and wanted us to move forward. I asked her to marry me on July 10th and she said no then maybe and things went up and down from there. She would get very close and then pull away. She bought bride magazines and everything. She said she would move in just not yet. She talked allot about future things and all. We talked on the phone 5-6 times a day. She would see me but not all the time and after seeing her she would run away for a week or 2 and then get close again. It has been very hard. I finally had enough and said don't call me until you want to work on us. This made her cry. NC hard core. I told her I loved her I wanted her to be my wife and I would be there for her no matter what and she knows where I live and work and is welcome there anytime but I could not deal with the hurt anymore and she needed to stop calling. After 2 weeks I sent a dozen roses and put a silk one in the middle with a card that said thinking of you, here for you and loving you until the last rose dies. This made her call and I asked her why I was hearing talk of her messing around with this other guy that she hangs with all the time and denies anything is going on with. She is always with him and the people telling me that they seem to be a couple would not lie. She used to tell me he's like a big brother and he is gross I would never be with him and even went as far as to say that he is gay because he is a twin and got that part of the gene. She got totally pissed and I hung up on her. She txted me back with that's it, it's over we are through Im done. That was what happened. After about 20 txt's back and forth she says she wants to be single for awhile. Now she does not call me or anything. I moved out of my ex's house to be with her over a month ago and now I am devestated and alone. If you need to know more just ask. Thanks for all the help...
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