troutslave Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 I have been dating a wonderful woman that has two boys, aged 19 and 18. I have known this lady for like 25 years, but have only recently started dating. Both she and I recently divorced our long time spouses (within the last 6 - 9 months). All of our spouses were mutual friends, but all that has changed since the divorces. I no longer see her husband as a friend, and vice-versa. Neither my GF and I had anything to do with either of our marriages falling apart. Problem is her boys consider me kind of an uncle all these years, and I was good friends with them and their mom and dad. The oldest and wisest teen says that he will support us, but the younger one is extremely immature, and does not even want to acknowledge my existence. My GF says that she is constantly having to choose between her youngest and me. My attitude is let's be patient, see how things progress, but I feel that she needs to tell this young man that it is her life to live, date whom she wants, and that I make her happy. Maybe counseling would be an option. Any advice would be appreciated...thx.
Almost Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Yeah I don't know, this one's beyond my pay grade. I would think that the younger boy probably has a problem with his father and his mother over all of this, more so than the older boy. It's probably not you per se, it's his own parents and their divorce or something like that. They need to figure that out and there's probably not much you can do without making things worse.
HUMMINGBIRDLOVE Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 I would have to agree with almost I am a divorced mom with 3 kids and my oldest has a problem with my current bf but my 2 girls love him ??? ugh...kids all you can do is show that you understand his emotions but be sure that you and her show him you are serious and mabey he will come around good luck
kjl933 Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 THe kid is 18. If he is living at home, tell him it is her rules and she is now divorced and can live her life. Tell him you are sorry that the marraige broke up but there is not much that can be done at this point. You make this woman happy and that is all that matters right now. She has essentially given up 19 years of her life to raise these boys and now she deserves some "me" time
seven Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Personally, I think those teenage years are some of the most challenging of anyone's life but boys in general seem to have a harder time with it. Looking like an adult but emotionally not always feeling that way. The 18-year-old may be trying to figure out his own life's path and then to boot reconciling his parents' split. Divorce is a loss, similar to a death really, and he may just be taking it harder than his older brother or taking it more personally (was he closer to his dad and does his dad make an effort to spend time with him now?). That doesn't make him a bad kid. And being the mom's bf doesn't make you the bad guy either. Maybe by you being consistently good and respectful to his mother, he will come around. And I don't the mom's relationship with the dad now, but I bet if the dad let the 18-year-old know it's okay with him for the mom to date, then he'd lighten up.
Almost Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 She has essentially given up 19 years of her life to raise these boys and now she deserves some "me" time You never stop being a parent. It's a lifetime job. The message your kind of attitude sends to kids is that you don't really love them or care about them.
anna13 Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 I have been dating a wonderful woman that has two boys, aged 19 and 18. I have known this lady for like 25 years, but have only recently started dating. Both she and I recently divorced our long time spouses (within the last 6 - 9 months). All of our spouses were mutual friends, but all that has changed since the divorces. I no longer see her husband as a friend, and vice-versa. Neither my GF and I had anything to do with either of our marriages falling apart. Problem is her boys consider me kind of an uncle all these years, and I was good friends with them and their mom and dad. The oldest and wisest teen says that he will support us, but the younger one is extremely immature, and does not even want to acknowledge my existence. My GF says that she is constantly having to choose between her youngest and me. My attitude is let's be patient, see how things progress, but I feel that she needs to tell this young man that it is her life to live, date whom she wants, and that I make her happy. Maybe counseling would be an option. Any advice would be appreciated...thx. i think even though the older child is adjusting , all people are different as we know and it is probobly difficult for the 18 year old to adjust to the divorce since it is still actually pretty recent. I know he isnt 12 but his feelings are the way they are for now. your girlfriend definitly should not be put in a place where she has to chose between her son and you . definitly she can tell him this is her life and try to be sensitive to his feelings even though he is an adult. as for him accepting you , time will tell . but just realize that the wounds might be too fresh for him still . even though your girlfriend and you are so ready to move on maybe some are not at that point yet. good luck and I wish you the best.
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