Green Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 So I've been dating this girl who has just started graduate school and things had gone great up untill about the 2 week mark into her school year. Things had progressed fast I had sex with her twice in two dates and bam she grew cold on me. I liked her and I was dating other girls to but I still wanted to see her again so I kept trying to get something going with her. Finaly she gives me the invite to come out and see her at her place. So I get there after not seeing her for about a month or so and she's cold to me wont even kiss me, tells me I'm mean for what ever reason. I knew we were going to go to a bar with her school friends but I never expected her school friends would include to big guys who she might find attractive for all I know and one girl. One of the guys has bruises on him and she tells me he boxes. well were all playing darts and she plays on his team and me and the other guy and her other friend whos a girl play on another, and I'm sucking. Weve all been drinking alot Stupid boxer guy is buying all the drinks and he starts putting her arm around her waist and rubbing you know what I'm talking about, so I put my arm around her and kind of pull her away from him and he pushes me and I yell watch it and hes like you liked that so I'm like shut up fag. any ways make a long story short she says I'm being crazy starts walking out with her girlfriend and that boxer guy tries to physicaly stop me from following her out but I push right past him it was really close from being a wrestling match for me to leave the bar and go after her to a full on fight. I make it out of the bar and ask her to talk to me and she just tells me to go. This hurts so bad we were all drinking alot and I have no idea if she relized what this A=hole was doing but I knew he was getting a feel from the girl I liked and there was nothing crazy about what I did and he put his hands on me. He tried to keep me from following her out of the bar. The point is wtf why would something like this happen. Should I try to see her again I liked her but this was so awful why would she invite a guy like that out when I came to see her. Has any one else been in a situation like this... Hopefuly this makes sense I'm still kind of drunk right now this just happened
lindya Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 My hunch is that she decided to be cold and avoid you in the hope that you'd figure out that she didn't want to see you again. She probably got ratty that you persevered when (in her view) it should be obvious that she was trying to avoid you. This isn't an exclusively female thing - guys sometimes do similar things involving avoidance and the cold treatment in an attempt to detach themselves from sexual situations they regret having got embroiled in. As for the boxer's role in it all - it sounds to me, from his behaviour, as if she confided in him that she was in this troublesome "situation" with a guy who wouldn't take the hint that she wasn't interested any more. So he decided to step in and play the hero role. The other alternative is that she's pissed off that you were still dating other girls while you were sleeping with her. Given that she avoided seeing you for a month, though, I think it's more likely that she just isn't interested. What you described points to her feeling uncomfortable and irritated around you. Not much you can do other than just leaving her alone.
Pink Amulet Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 Lindya- couldn't agree more on your possible scenario. KMT- Take the hint- unfortunately she is just not interested in you.
Author Green Posted October 7, 2006 Author Posted October 7, 2006 I feel a little more sober now sounds like a good analysis of my situation, but things felt like they were going good at first I'd love to blame the way she acted on alcohol but you might be right. It wouldnt be hard for her to avoid me with out pulling what she did tonight though. I live no where near her I had to travel almost 2 hours just to see her so it made what happened all the more disipointing, very dangerous situation I got myself into all the people in this bar knew eachother and I was the outsider.
Walk Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 Wow KMT, pretty impressive that you stood up to that boxer. Don't do that again! At least, don't do it until/unless you know the girl is committed to you and would defened you too. I don't understand why she would invite you out there, and then treat you like the plague though. That's baffling to me. Did you push her on coming out to see her? Or was it something she suggested and you hadn't? Guess it doesn't really matter. I'd stay far far away from that girl. You did everything you could, and I don't feel the way she acted toward you was appropriate. A man of your courageous fortitude should find a woman with equally strong inner strengths. This girl isn't it.
lindya Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 I live no where near her I had to travel almost 2 hours just to see her so it made what happened all the more disipointing, very dangerous situation I got myself into all the people in this bar knew eachother and I was the outsider. It does sound pretty crappy. When you travel to see someone, you're on their turf and subject to the assessments of their circle of friends. It's not an ideal situation to be in, because it means you're vulnerable - which can tend to bring the best out in some people, but the worst out in others depending on their temperament and how they feel about you.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 Well, you said she grew cold on you. Young women do this all the time and sometimes not so young women too. Blowing people off I mean. And men do it too. Hell, I've done it once, or twice after messing around with girls I had no interest in when I was sober. I get the impression that she invited you after persistent conversations and phone calls. I could be wrong. The thing to take from this is that if you are developing feelings for someone who isn't interested in you, it's best not to hang out. Or at least if you have had sexual relations which you did. Then jealousy creeps in and feelings get hurt which they did.
quietintrovertgirl Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 KMT, What's going on Stud Muffin and Why are you having bad luck with the ladies lately?
js97 Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 sorry to hear that dude... I say you write her an email about her immature behavior, and let her know your dissapointment. Be polite and friendly, but also assertive and critical. Then Wish her well and tell her to tell her to grow up. (Don't leave any indication that you want to get together again.) It probably won't do anything for her, but it will help you with closure. goodluck.!
Author Green Posted October 7, 2006 Author Posted October 7, 2006 Wow KMT, pretty impressive that you stood up to that boxer. Don't do that again! At least, don't do it until/unless you know the girl is committed to you and would defened you too. I don't understand why she would invite you out there, and then treat you like the plague though. That's baffling to me. Did you push her on coming out to see her? Or was it something she suggested and you hadn't? Guess it doesn't really matter. I'd stay far far away from that girl. You did everything you could, and I don't feel the way she acted toward you was appropriate. A man of your courageous fortitude should find a woman with equally strong inner strengths. This girl isn't it. I dont know if you could call it pushing but for a while we werent talking and then I started sending her txt msgs "R U Free 2nite" and she was like "No but I am this weekend" then she called and said I had to see her new place and all that bull even said we didnt have to go out with her friends if that didnt seem fun but I could tell thats what she wanted to do so I was like sure we'll all hang out and bam things went wrong at the bar. Well, you said she grew cold on you. Young women do this all the time and sometimes not so young women too. Blowing people off I mean. And men do it too. Hell, I've done it once, or twice after messing around with girls I had no interest in when I was sober. I get the impression that she invited you after persistent conversations and phone calls. I could be wrong. The thing to take from this is that if you are developing feelings for someone who isn't interested in you, it's best not to hang out. Or at least if you have had sexual relations which you did. Then jealousy creeps in and feelings get hurt which they did. I'd say you were wrong about the inviting me after persistent conversations cause it was mostly txt messages asking if she was free thats all no begging no guilt of how much I miss her or anything. To tell you the truth I wasn't even jealous it was just I came all the way out to see her and this guy had his arm around her and was rubbing her right above the waist it pissed me off. KMT, What's going on Stud Muffin and Why are you having bad luck with the ladies lately? Who knows what the problem with this one particular girl, I'm doing fine with the ladies lately sorry to hear that dude... I say you write her an email about her immature behavior, and let her know your dissapointment. Be polite and friendly, but also assertive and critical. Then Wish her well and tell her to tell her to grow up. (Don't leave any indication that you want to get together again.) it probably won't do anything for her, but it will help you with closure. goodluck.! Thanks I don't know her email though, I only have her cell phone number and address. So I could call or txt her, I could also send her some regular postage stamp mail. How does this sound " I won't be seeing you again but I'm sure you'll see me". Truthfully one thing that has helped to give me closure is the guy who started crap with me bought the first round of drinks and they all got beers but I got a Martini on him so hahaha
lindya Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 How does this sound " I won't be seeing you again but I'm sure you'll see me". Like some kind of strange, ambiguous threat. If I were her, I'd be giving the boxer another call.
Author Green Posted October 7, 2006 Author Posted October 7, 2006 Ok thats not what I was going for and if she calls him again just to let you guys know hes not a proffesional boxer hes just some fellow grad student with bruises from boxing I will kick his bigger then mine asscot if I have to. I'm just not sending her any goodbye messages
Art_Critic Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 I will kick his bigger then mine asscot if I have to. I take it that you have never fought a boxer before.. it doesn't matter that he isn't a professional.. I would just blow her off at this point.. that is basically what she has done to you.. Show some self esteem and forget about her and strike it up to a learning experience given to you by someone not worth your time..or anybodys time for that matter..
luvtoto Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 Then men wonder why women play games. Drop this chick and go out a woman that will be nicer to you.
Ariadne Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 Hey KMT, Good job there Yeah, you did what you felt you have to do. What's going on with that guy touching her in front of you? even said we didnt have to go out with her friends if that didnt seem fun but I could tell thats what she wanted to do so I was like sure we'll all hang out Well, that was not so bad. Now you can tell her that you just couldn't stand another guy touching her, that she is yours now that you already had her, and that you want her back . (Too bad the two hours, but ah well) Good luck there, Ariadne
Guest Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 This is sad dont you see that it wasnt a big deal, so he was rubbing her you didnt have to go and make a big deal about it. You should have just watched to see how things played out your going get your but kicked if you continue living like this.
Author Green Posted October 7, 2006 Author Posted October 7, 2006 I take it that you have never fought a boxer before.. it doesn't matter that he isn't a professional.. I would just blow her off at this point.. that is basically what she has done to you.. Show some self esteem and forget about her and strike it up to a learning experience given to you by someone not worth your time..or anybodys time for that matter.. Yeah so true I doubt I'll here from her again and I should probably just forget about her, and your right I've never thought a guy who spars before I'm glad it didn't escalate past a shoving match. Then men wonder why women play games. Drop this chick and go out a woman that will be nicer to you. yes I'm going to go out with some nice girls now who don't put me in bad situations, but I still wonder how she could be so cold to me easily one of the worst nights in a long time. and the sad thing is in the begining she was so nice I'd have to say too nice and to complimentary looking back. Hey KMT, Good job there Yeah, you did what you felt you have to do. What's going on with that guy touching her in front of you? even said we didnt have to go out with her friends if that didnt seem fun but I could tell thats what she wanted to do so I was like sure we'll all hang out Well, that was not so bad. Now you can tell her that you just couldn't stand another guy touching her, that she is yours now that you already had her, and that you want her back . (Too bad the two hours, but ah well) Good luck there, Ariadne Thanks for your kind words Ariadne but I don't think I want her back she is to much trouble and I don't understand how she could just tell me to go like that. I even got a little lost afterwards because the subway station I had come in on had closed for the night and I sent her a txt message about that and she didnt even reply so shes just not the girl for me I feel tricked into playing some silly game with her thats all good luck to any one who tries to be in a relationship with her. This is sad dont you see that it wasnt a big deal, so he was rubbing her you didnt have to go and make a big deal about it. You should have just watched to see how things played out your going get your but kicked if you continue living like this. I'm not going to put myself in that situation again.
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