Spidey12 Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 :( I found her, the perfect girl. Heres the thing, I met her at school but she told me she had a boyfriend of 7 years. Well seven years is no small feat for a relationship, so I just let it go. But I could tell there was something going on subliminaly. Long story short, her boyfriend lives back in her hometown across the country and she now goes to school here...where I am. So the more we got to know each other, the more we admitted how attracted we were to each other, and then hand holding turned into cuddling and cuddling turned into other things...and then finally about 4 nights ago we kissed. She is torn apart now, between her boyfriend and me. Me...she met 3 weeks ago and has this insane love for. Him...a relationship thats been going on for 7 years, but she says she is happy with him. She is visiting him now, and she has not told him about me but she keeps sending me all these texts about how she'd rather be with me, or how she feels guilty being away from me...but not guilty when shes away from him. We are both 20, and she will be back in 2 days. Ever since she left to see her boyfriend she's been hot and cold with me....one second sending me all these crazy texts and then other times just saying goodnight to me earlier than usual (but i have a feeling she'll send another one when I don't respond). I have this eerie feeling that I'm going to get hurt, though I don't doubt her sincerity...in 7 years she has never cheated on her boyfriend until she met me. In fact I'm only the second person she has ever kissed. This girl is incredible and we have so much in common, and she frequently makes comparisons between me and her boyfriend, all of which make me sound better ie "my boyfriend is funny, but you just blow him away" or "he doesn't look at me the same way you do" or "hes not on my mind all the time, like you are". I don't know what to do. I want her so badly, I need her so badly. she is absolutely perfect, or damn near close to it. Should I be distant to her while she is with her boyfriend? Should I make ultimatums? Should I sit back and wait? Advice on how to keep her insane about me will be very welcome.
CrushedOrgans Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 wow. no matter how much someone was into me , it would turn them off of me if, i knew had to, especially if i knew i had to prove it. and yes, i would. i know some people are so desperate for relationships, but it's not me. and i think that's a good place to be.
Age18Male Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 I hate when people go for girls/guys, that are TAKEN. But anyway.. i think you need to stay friends.. if she likes you, she will break it off an come to you. Otherwise, your kissing another guys "property" ..Your kinda like.. making out with her boyfriend.. how would you feel if you were her boyfriend? in his position?
Age18Male Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 wow. no matter how much someone was into me , it would turn them off of me if, i knew had to, especially if i knew i had to prove it. and yes, i would. i know some people are so desperate for relationships, but it's not me. and i think that's a good place to be. WHat?? you confused the hell outa me.
Author Spidey12 Posted October 7, 2006 Author Posted October 7, 2006 wow. no matter how much someone was into me , it would turn them off of me if, i knew had to, especially if i knew i had to prove it. and yes, i would. i know some people are so desperate for relationships, but it's not me. and i think that's a good place to be. What exactly are you advising me?
Author Spidey12 Posted October 7, 2006 Author Posted October 7, 2006 I hate when people go for girls/guys, that are TAKEN. But anyway.. i think you need to stay friends.. if she likes you, she will break it off an come to you. Otherwise, your kissing another guys "property" ..Your kinda like.. making out with her boyfriend.. how would you feel if you were her boyfriend? in his position? I know, but theres an even bigger catch...I had a girlfriend 2 days before this girl and i kissed. I broke off m relationship because I knew if i didn't, i would be cheating in no time. I don't know, I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about her...her boyfriend...is...so far away.
Age18Male Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 In my opinion.. its wrong, i might be in the "boyfriends" position in a couple years.. and damn if i were him id drive down and set you straight.
Guest Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 I think you need to understand that people can fall in and out of love with someone if they've been with them for a long time. Its not unusual for people to feel attracted to others when they have a partner. I think in this situation u need to understand that u might simply be a phase cause shes feeling the separation from her bf and wants to feel love and intimacy. if shes feeling hot n cold then shes unsure what her feelings are. My advice is when she comes back tell her that you think she needs space to work out her feelings for u and her bf. its not fair on u , her or her bf to comtinue like this
js97 Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 move on buddy.. any girl that will cheat on her bf of 7 years is not worth it. She is either - seriously confused and /or insecure, or is kind of a sleaze bag. morals aside, who really cares, your only 20 and in college. plenty of fish! here is some candid advice from a 26 yr old! you play it cool you'll get laid for sure.! goodluck!
Ariadne Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 Hi, Should I sit back and wait? Yes, what else can you do? It seems like she likes you a lot too, so, good luck there. See what happens and have patience. Ariadne
Author Spidey12 Posted October 7, 2006 Author Posted October 7, 2006 move on buddy.. any girl that will cheat on her bf of 7 years is not worth it. She is either - seriously confused and /or insecure, or is kind of a sleaze bag. morals aside, who really cares, your only 20 and in college. plenty of fish! here is some candid advice from a 26 yr old! you play it cool you'll get laid for sure.! goodluck! Define it "cool"? Specifically what does playing it cool mean....do i respond to her text messages? do i answer phone calls? Do i ever call her?Do i tell her how crazy she
CrushedOrgans Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 wow. no matter how much someone was into me , it would turn them off of me if, i knew had to, especially if i knew i had to prove it. and yes, i would. i know some people are so desperate for relationships, but it's not me. and i think that's a good place to be. wow. sorry bout this one. i was a little drunk. oops.
bluetuesday Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 if she is the perfect girl for you she will naturally leave her boyfriend and live happily ever after with you. we don't continue to stay with people we've been with for seven years if we find the right guy somewhere else. if she is not the perfect girl for you, she will not leave her boyfriend. so all you have to do is wait for her decision. if she hasn't left him within another month, she doesn't like you enough and you'll have to move on. while you are waiting, bear in mind that you've only know this girl for three weeks. hardly long enough to make a decision about the rest of your life. you fancy her, that's all, you don't really know her yet. so chill. be friendly, don't hassle her and don't cling too tightly.
Slickkk Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 You will screw this one up dude...seriously Why do I get the feeling you are being played??? Look, if she really liked you that much - she WOULD NOT still have a boyfriend! - maybe you are not looking at this critically because you are 'crazy' about her, and think she really is the one... Which of course would be fine if you had dated her for a year, but you have not even dated her once...yet - you come across as being needy - something which will do you NO GOOD....what if she told you tomorrow that she will stay with her BF, how would that make you feel? You should never invest so heavily into ONE girl... [i don't know what to do. I want her so badly, I need her so badly. she is absolutely perfect, or damn near close to it. Should I be distant to her while she is with her boyfriend? Should I make ultimatums? Should I sit back and wait? /QUOTE] ^^^ That makes you sound desperate...when you have a mindset like that, she might think your a creep There is no such thing as the perfect girl...at least not so early on - this is reality, not a dream - DUDE, seriously...unless you want to be left heartbroken and in ruins, with no self-esteem, do not be so crazy about her...forget about her, keep her off your mind - talk to other girls Tell her to leave her BF if she really likes you that much...which I doubt - you might just be a side project to her and this: 'one second sending me all these crazy texts and then other times just saying goodnight to me earlier than usual' means she may well be playing with you...mixed signals drive us crazy, dont they???
allina Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 Me...she met 3 weeks ago and has this insane love for. I would slow waaaaaaay down in calling this love or calling her "the one" She has been with the same guy since she was 13, it is only natural that she will wonder about other guys, especially now that she's away at school, but she doesn't sound ready to end the long relationship. Another thing is, if/when she does break up with him she may want the time and freedom of being single for a while, so step back a little don't make this out to be more than it is.
Author Spidey12 Posted October 8, 2006 Author Posted October 8, 2006 If I were the girl in the situation..what advice would you give me? I feel like maybe this will help me look at everything more objectively and more broadly.
Slickkk Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 If I were the girl in the situation..what advice would you give me? I feel like maybe this will help me look at everything more objectively and more broadly. lol, why does that matter? To me its pretty clear your being played; did you tell her to leave her BF for you? How do you know she has never cheated before as you claim, if she is willing to be up to this with you while she still has a BF? Stop treating her like the one...sooner or later you will be left shattered, trust me - and read what I said before
monkey00 Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 :( I found her, the perfect girl. You're being delusional, no one is perfect...you'll see her flaws when you lose interest. Him...a relationship thats been going on for 7 years, but she says she is happy with him. That may be true, she could be happy and has no intention to break up. She is visiting him now, and she has not told him about me but she keeps sending me all these texts about how she'd rather be with me, or how she feels guilty being away from me...but not guilty when shes away from him. I used to be in a similar situation with a girl, and they always say the same things. We are both 20, and she will be back in 2 days. Ever since she left to see her boyfriend she's been hot and cold with me....one second sending me all these crazy texts and then other times just saying goodnight to me earlier than usual (but i have a feeling she'll send another one when I don't respond). I have this eerie feeling that I'm going to get hurt, though I don't doubt her sincerity...in 7 years she has never cheated on her boyfriend until she met me. In fact I'm only the second person she has ever kissed. This girl is incredible and we have so much in common, and she frequently makes comparisons between me and her boyfriend, all of which make me sound better ie "my boyfriend is funny, but you just blow him away" or "he doesn't look at me the same way you do" or "hes not on my mind all the time, like you are". What can i say...girls with similar agendas always have similar patterns, speaking from experience. She's tell you all this so she can kill 2 birds with one stone, keep you around and at the same time have the boyfriend around/lead him on. Dont fall for this, she's trying to make you feel good about the situation on her terms, not yours. I don't know what to do. I want her so badly, I need her so badly. she is absolutely perfect, or damn near close to it. Should I be distant to her while she is with her boyfriend? Should I make ultimatums? Should I sit back and wait? Advice on how to keep her insane about me will be very welcome. Making an ultimatum wont work. You are being used either as fling/FWB/booty call, if you are using each other there's nothing wrong with it. Right now she has a very high interest level in you, but it doesnt mean she wont ditch you if some other guy comes along. She's young, fertile, and has her looks so she's testing the waters. She knows you need/want her badly, you've already given her the power in the relationship. Dont sit back and wait, go out there and meet/date other women. There's nothing wrong with it and she cant say otherwise because she has the bf. If/when she is ready to be exclusive with you, she will tell you.
Amour77 Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 move on buddy.. any girl that will cheat on her bf of 7 years is not worth it. She is either - seriously confused and /or insecure, or is kind of a sleaze bag. Exactly! JS97, you have pinned it!
Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Wow, interestingly enough I'm a girl, I'm in a seven year relationship that's been on the rocks for the past few months, and I recently met a guy who I consider to be my ideal match. Anyway, we weren't lucky enough to get to know each other as you two did, but I think you should give her some space. Volunteer to distance yourself for a period of time while she figures out what she wants to do. If she's been in a relationship for the past seven years, she's going to need the time to sort through her emotions. My boyfriend and I have been dating since high school, and once I hit the magical age of 25, I began to have second thoughts as to whether or not he was truly the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. I almost left him, but at his insistence that "he will change" and my mother's advice not to act too hastily, we're slowly trying to hammer things out. It's hasn't been easy, I still have second thoughts, and this other guy has been at the back of my mind every step of the way. Anyway, getting back to your conundrum, yes, by all means, tell her that it's not fair for her to continue juggling both of you. She obviously needs time apart, ALONE, FROM BOTH GUYS, to decide where she wants to go from here. If it's you she picks, rejoice. You're truly one of the lucky ones who is blessed with the experience of true love. If not, then it was a passionate fling but nothing more. Move on and focus on finding someone who's not so confused or fuzzy about their current status, and who is 100% single and able to be in an HONEST relationship.
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