freelove Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Here is the first part of the story: So here is my situation...just need to vent and hopefully you guys can give me some input. Started dating this girl 2 years ago, things were good between us for the first 15 months, at least I thought they were, until she dropped the bomb of "wanting to break up". I was devestated, but soon came to realize that I was not putting enough into the relationship and I got too comfortable. She was head over heels for me, but I was just not giving the same in return. I knew I loved her, but I was not showing her through action. After she broke it off with me, I hardly backed away from her and kinda forced my way back into her life, I see as I fought for her. She decided to take me back as I pleaded for a second chance and promised I would change my ways and be more active in the relationship. I know most people say they change and then slip back into their old way, but I know in my heart for the last 8 months I gave 100% to this relationship. Things were awesome for the last 8 months and we fell in love all over again. She has just finished writing the BAR and was heading for a 6 week vacation to Australia. We spoke about the trip and I said to her that this would be a good time for her to think about our future together and what she really wants. We were both so excited after that conversation and it actually brought us closer. The day she left, I came back to the apartment to find a beautiful letter and post-its all over the place. I was so excited for her and for us!! The day she arrives she emails to tell me that she just got a phone, needs to charge it and will text me the number tomorrow. A whole week goea by and I dont hear from her. I do have the number for the place she was staying but I didn't want to bother her beacuase I just thought she was having fun. I just wanted to know that she was safe. How come I had not heard a word from her. One of her friends IM's me to ask if I've heard from her. I say no and ask if she has heard anything. She says no, but tried calling her on her cell in OZ but she didn't pick up. Wait, you have her number. She gave it to me and I called her. It was 3:30 am in Melbourne. She picked up right away and the first thing she says to me is, "Can I call you back? I'm in a bar!!!"What? 20 minutes later she calls back and when I ask her howcome she never gave me her number, she starts accusing me that I would phone her every 2 minutes and that she needs her space, blah, blah, blah!!!! All I wanted to know is if she's ok. That she's safe, having fun. Space, space!!! She's half a million miles away!! What disrespect and inconsideration. I was really upset and told her that I did not deserve to be treated like that. I broke it off right there and then... I don't even remember the conversation because I was so angry. So 2 weeks later and I have been NC all the way...however my heart is so sore right now and I'm sure when she gets back she will contact me for closure. I'm dreading that day...29th September. What do you guys think? Was I right ti break it off? I mean, i can't sit here for 6 weeks wondering if I should call my own girlfriend or not and worry if I'm annoying her. It's just not on. And, if she's not into the relationship, just be straight up with me, be honest because that's all I have given to her. I just think what she did was inexcusable. But right now, I'm really hurting and angry at the same time. So, that was 4 weeks ago!!! NC until... She got back last Thursday, called me and asked me to come see her! I did. I kept my composure, kept things light for a while and then we began to discuss the relationship and why it ended. I'm not going to get into all the details about what was said, but basically I told her how grateful I was to have had her in my life for the last 2 and a half years and that I don't regret a thing. I told her that I do not blame her for anything and that understood why she did what she did. We had a wonderful talk and really got everything out in the open. It was great to see eachother and we really had a good time catching up. I left her place on such a positive note that it filled me with a sense of joy and peace. I'm proud of myself for the way I handled it, because I know it could have gone the complete opposite way. We did not set anything in stone about NC or LC or even seeing eachother. I called her 2 days later, it was a religious holiday and i know she had no one to spend it with as neither did I. We decided to spend the day together. It went great, nothing serious, just like it use to be! We realized how we really do have so much in common as far as our ideals, dreams, desires and future. I stayed and watched TV with her and then left for home. I was feeling good and happy with the way things are. The next day however I began to feel confused about things, my feelings and all. I asked her if she wanted to go for lunch, said she would love to. At lunch I told her how I felt and she said she felt exactly the same. She agreed how much we are right for eachother, how awesome it is to spend time with eachother. We decided to just be cool about things and see where they go. Great conversation and the rest of the day was even better. Yes, it ended in fantastic sexual relations!!! For a few days after we were really enjoying being with eachother, she was very physical, touch-feely, holding my hand. The next day again was awesome and by the end of the night we were back to relationship talk. We decided that things are good with us, I know Im starting to have strong feelings again(Surprise!) She says she cares about me but still wants space to be on her and see what life is like with me not around all the time so that she can be less confused. I agreed with her 100%. I think about it like this, yeah, I know i would get back together with her, but it's only been 7 weeks since the break-up. I haven't had enough time myself and I love her enough to take the space she needs. Then even after this talk, i feel ok, she feels ok and we're straight off again to good times and harcore attraction. Why do you think it's so amazing between us right now? Do you think we are just comfortable seeing eachother again? The attraction is there, the passion, the communication. I honestly feel that we are now on the same page. I really dont wanna jump back into things. Maybe I haven't had enough time apart from her. I dont wanna push things too fast either. Maybe I should go LC and just contact her maybe once a week, if she doesn't contact me first. Maybe think of it as the 2 of us dating again...take it slow, make it fun. I dunno guys, im confused on what to do!!! Sorry about the long post!!
WindDrifter Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 Hi Freelove! It sounds like my situation except by g/f has had these confusing feelings for quite a while. We have been together for about 3 years and sort of broke up for a month at the begining of the year but she keep being torn between being with me or by herself. SHe sounds like she would do the exact same things as your g/f. one minute things are amazing then the next they totally forget about you and don't want to know you. Yet they still say they love you so much. My gf is looking to go away in the next couple months and we know we are right for each other and I know I want her but I think she wants time with herself and I am starting to think about giving it to her. The only thing is I don't want to give her a the excuse that she can say ohh well he broke up with me I couldn't do anything about it. I love and she loves me but it really worries me that she gets these feelings all the time. SHe keeps on talking about breaking up for 6 months so that we can have our time apart and then see if we want to get back together after that. We know so many couples that do it but I don't want to. I don't want to be with anyone else and she says neither does she but she wants this time to be by herself without me and see how she goes? What the ****? I am so confused why do people need to sleep around before settling down? I want to marry and she says she wants to marry me but need this time? I dont' know what to do. I have told her look lets see how we go and I have encourged her to go overseas and then to think about us and see how she feels. THe other problem is I just don't think I will feel the same about her if I know another cock has been inside of her. I mean how must I feel that she needed to be with someone else before wanting to marry me? Ahh this is crap. Sorry for going on better do some work. Good luck! Cheers, WD
Guest Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 winddrifter, You are kidding yourself and need time to realize that. Please stop saying that you know that she is in love with you and knows that you are the one she wants to marry. She DOES NOT know this and as such, she is still thinking that there is better out there. Woman who know this do not put their guy through hell over it. Let her go out there and figure herself out. Unfortunatley you will always feel like second best and that will cause resentment. Move on and find someone who will feel for you as you do them.
WindDrifter Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Tough words Guest but I guess you are right. I am going to see how things go once she come back from overseas and if she still doesn't know then I will break it off. CHeers, WD
Author freelove Posted October 8, 2006 Author Posted October 8, 2006 WindDrifter, I do indeed feel your pain and I understand totally how you feel. The best advice I can give you and I'm telling you, you must, must follow this: If you love her, give her exactly what she wants...give her that space. Tell her to do whatever it is she needs to do to figure her stuff out. Tell her that even though you are giving her this soace, it does not mean you are going to sit around and wait for her. You support her needing this and you hope it's the best thing for her. I know it's hard and it is going to be a rough journey, but it is one that's worth taking. If you want to spend your life with this girl, you want to both make sure it is right. This is just what may be needed for you two. Even though you don't want to hear these things from her, it's coming from somewhere from withiin her. She may be genuinely confused about what she wants. Give her that time to figure it out, because you love her and care for her. Also, because you care for yourself, this might be the best thing for you to. You see, if you 2 are always together and she needs this space to think, she cannot do that with you around, it just confuses her more. She needs to see what life would really be like without you. Don't worry bud, everything will be ok!!!
Author freelove Posted October 8, 2006 Author Posted October 8, 2006 On a side note: I was feeling pretty down this morning after everything that has happened and not speaking to her in 2 days. Upon leaving my apartment, i opened my front door and lying on the mat below, is a single, red rose. A card is attatched bearing my name in her hand-writing. The card read: I love you! Can we date? XOXOXOXOX ***** I haven't heard her say "I love you" to me in 2 months. We spoke, it was magic!!! You can imagine how I'm feeling now!!!!
Guest Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 freelove, So glad you are feeling some joy at the moment. Sounds like this has worked out the way you had hoped. I have one question.....how long will it last until she does something else to rip your heart out. People don't change that quick freelove....they only get lonely and revert back to the people they know will be sitting there waiting to provide them love and an ego boost. WIth her actions while she was gone....this girl obviously needs lots of time to live life without you and once she feels good about herself again, will simply walk away and leave you to tend to your broken heart. Just be aware that this is a possibility and guard your heart a bit before jumoing in fully. Make sure she explains all of her past actions and don't accept any bs from her. You deserve to know where you stand in her eyes.
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