heytherelonelyboy Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Ok, I have been in a relationship with this girl I love for 3.5 years. We were close friends our last year of high-school and started going as bf/gf after graduation. We had a wonderful 3.5 years and did everything together. Well she broke up with me a week ago, I've been a mess. She gave me a bunch of reasons why she broke it off and I completely understand. She needs her space (I was with her 24/7, my mistake) she needs to reconnect with family (I kept her away from them sometimes) This is my first major relationship. I wanted to eventually marry this girl and she felt the same. We had planned our kids names and everything! I guess I wasnt the best boyfriend over the last 6 months or so. I wouldnt do things for her like I used to, we wouldnt communicate as much and things like that. When she broke up with me I asked her if we can still see eachother as friends, she said yes. I picked up my things the next day and was making jokes and sutff, she was laughing, things were ok, we went to the drug store together and I dropped her off. We didnt talk for a couple days and then I text messaged her (I know, I shouldnt have) just asking if she was OK. She said she was. She later went on AIM and messaged me saying "hi" "how was your day" and things like that. She told me she wants me to move on. I told her I feel like were meant to be, and I told her all the things I feel I've done for myself to work on being a better person and a better boyfriend. I told her how I understand everything she felt and that I can change, not just for her, but for me. I know 99.9% there is no other guy. I ended the conversation with "ill show you, we can be happy" and she said "we'll see" I don't know what that means, we havent talked since. I know I should give her time, and its been 4 days since weve talked. Where do I go from here? I want to be with her and at this point cannot see myself with anyon else. Thanks for the help
joriel Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 whoa there. take a second, take a breath, and relax. I hate to tell you this but after reading your post even I wanted a little space. Look, I know that you have the best intentions but let's be honest, no one changes that much in a weeks time. It took your ex six months to decide to break it off, it's going to take longer than a week for her to decide to get back together. In the mean time, keep working at that NC, I know it's hard but it's a vital part of moving on (for both of you). The fact that your ex messaged you to say "move on" means that even though you're broken up, you're still not giving her enough space. NC all the way. You can't really show someone that you'll both be happy in a relationship. They have to decide that for themself and right now, she's not feelin' it bro. Ease up on the marriage/child talk, that is the opposite of space. Most importantly, take some time out for you and your friends. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but things can only get better....
Author heytherelonelyboy Posted October 7, 2006 Author Posted October 7, 2006 I know it is different for every person, but I have never been through this before, I love her with all my heart, I want to be with her, is there an amount of time I should wait before contacting her? Or should I let her contact me? I wrote a lengthy letter telling her how this experience has made me better, theres no pressure whatsoever in this letter, I have not sent it and don't know if I should. BTW: the day I picked up my things I asked if she saw anything between us in the future and she said "I don't know." (I hate the vagueness) Also the last time we talked (about 4 days ago) I asked if we can SLOWLY work on us. She said "we'll see" again. I know she is very angry right now and she should be. About a week before the break up, in a fight, I was very angry and in anger I said "I dont know if I know what love means." <--- this made her very upset. I wish I could take it back but I can't. I hate that I said that and only want her to see I really to love her and want to give her what she needs. She is a great person and I don't want to lose her, but... Should I be hanging on to any hope? Thanks
andy_whitewater Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 First up I know exactly how you feel and its a cold terrible lonely feeling. Kinda going through all the same stuff. I think you have to realise that whatever the outcome here some time is needed. This girl obviously needs a little space and it sounds like if you want to be happy in yourself you need to respect that and let her have her space. If it was the other way around you wouldn't want someone continually talking about the relationship and trying to get them to guarantee it will work out - thats a bit of a relationship killer i think. Try try try not to dwell on things that were said and things that have gone by, it won't do you any good to call her up and say you've changed or that you're sorry for everything (not that it seems you've done much wrong). You sound like you need to take a little time out for yourself. A little bit of NC could really help you out as i think in your case you've probably been living in each others pockets for such a long time that you need space to breathe. Hanging onto hope will keep you hurting believe me. Ain't nothing worse that waking up everyday and spending the whole day pining and full of self pity. I've been doing that for what feels like an eternity and eventually you realise that its not a healthy way to live. Best case scenario if this girl wants to try again later on then you want to be able to turn to her and tell her how great your life is and how she makes it even better, not that you have a crap emtpy life and have spent the last few months drowning in self pity. You want her to feel glad that you're doing well as that's really attractive in a person. Also, and more importantly, purely for you, you need to be positive and do things you love and are good at to get your self confidence up. So I guess all in all, give it some time, don't obsess too much, don't send that letter and give it a little while and let her contact you. If you really really have to contact her then at least wait some time otherwise she'll think you're just trying to start the relationship all over again and I think she needs to make that choice. At the end of the day, if she is the one, the love'll happen again. take care peace x
tekratel Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 I can't agree enough with what Andy says. I'll add myself to that list of guys whose heart gets broken and then spend months and longer pining after what could have been. In my case, a five and a half year relationship - got engaged then 5 weeks later she said it was all over, with the standard list of excuses - it's not you it's me, I love you as a friend, there's no-one else, you know the rest. And I wasted so much of my life thinking about her, what I'd lost, I could never love anyone like that again, it goes on. Then at some point you realise that actually they don't give a shi* about you and why on earth should your life be wasted because of them. Chasing after them in whatever way whether it's by letter, text, email or phone simply piss** them off or makes them think you're on a string to be pulled in when they like; so now and then you may get the old "you're one in a million" phrase or just something that boosts your hopes up, then when you bite, SMASH, they didn't mean anything by it and you end up further down and depressed. As much as you can get her out of your mind, do something that takes up your attention and enables you to meet other people you're not connected with. Start afresh and sever all contact with this girl and above all don't tell her how you feel or anything like that. Keep your head up and bear in mind that there is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to get through it and you can. Good luck
Recommended Posts