Info about cellphones

[SomeGirl1955]

Technology has sorta passed me by, h and I have only had personal cellphones about 6 months (he used to have a work cell though, but changed jobs). Anyways, I posted on an earlier thread how the first months he kept the cell in house and ON most of the time, but now leaves in his car, or if he brings it in he turns it off. Leaves it off usually all weekend, although he might take it out to make a call, then put it right back in. I find this odd. I just found out that when a cell is OFF, people can leave voicemails, yet the number does NOT show up on recent calls OR on the paper bill because it does not use your minutes. When I phoned company to ask about this, they explained that to me. I also asked about GPS tracking and they have different plans. One plan you can track the persons whereabouts (as long as their phone is on) via your computer, and you can have the GPS installed secretly on their phone and they never know it is there. I was told alot of parents do this on their kids phone. You can't do this on a phone not in your name through without other persons permission. Anyway, our phones are on a joint plan under my name, so legally since they are my phones I can do anything I want with them. Like someone who posted earlier I never paid alot of attention to cell bills until now, just scanned it quickly and paid it. Since my h never had a personal cell before, only a company one, I don't think he even realizes I get a detailed printout of numbers. I only have last bill (should be getting the most recent in about a week) but already I see some suspicious calls on last one--one number he called several times a day, with one day it being 10 times, although the calls are only a minute or two in duration. I tried calling it from a pay phone, but number was not available, then some code given --PPS and numbers, or something like that. Thinking maybe they had their phone blocked from accepting calls from pay phones I got a friend who lives out of state to call, but she got the same recording. I checked online under reverse phone numbers site and got info that it was unlisted and residential. I then got intelius to check out number and was told no info available. (It has been three days since I tried the number) So, I was thinking maybe the number belonged to someone who has since had it disconnected. Now, I mentioned in earlier posts that he appeared to be deleting some numbers from his call history on phone. Now, here is where it gets interesting. Last night a friend of his dropped by and they were having a few beers. Decidedd to call another friend, so h gets his phone out of car to do that. He was gonna put in back in car on charge, but I said, "here I'll take it and just put in on charge in house." Being somewhat tipsy he handed me the phone. This morning, while he was in shower I checked recent calls and that same number was the last one stored in recent calls. Later when he got out of shower, I very casually opened his phone and scrolled through it (in front of him cause he does this to MY phone all the time) and I asked him, "Whose number is ###?" He nonchalanttly said, "I don't know." Then I asked him "Whose number is ***?" knowing full well it was a friends number whom I am familiar with. Again, he said he didn't know, but followed up with, they are probably someone who called me cause I rarely call anyone but YOU. Now, my question is, if I can't get through on that suspicious number, why would it be on his recent calls and he can call it. And I know he has made more than 10 calls in the past three days (meaning it would have already dropped off recent calls) because he has phoned ME more times than that.

[jmargel]

If I were you, try calling that number from his phone. I know with some phones (such as for kids) only certain numbers can get through. It sounds kinda weird with the phone issue.

 

With your husband's issue, he is lying to you. Good chance something is going on. He's flat out lying to you. Keep a copy of your cell phone bills in a secret place. You can also go online or ask for past copies of cell bills. Also, when he checks his voice mail that will dial a number. Whether it shows as his own cell number or not (I use cingular and it shows my own cell number) usually it'll only show the duration for 1 minute, since I usually check it when I only have one or two voicemails. Though even if there is no voicemail it'll still charge you for a minute.

 

Also check his text messages, all phones can do that as well.

[Jane Doe]

I agree, call the suspicious number using his cell phone. It certainly sounds like he's lying to you.

[SomeGirl1955]

Yes, on his phone when he turns phone on and checks voicemail, it does show up on his bill as his having called his own number and also shows up in his recent call history on the cell phone itself. The number who calls him though, if the phone is OFF, when they call and they leave a voicemail, that number won't show up on the call history or phone bill. I only found this out cause a woman I casually know called me last month and left a voice mail while my own phone was briefly turned off (while we were on a trip and wanted to perserve what little battery was left) She left a message but didn't leave her number and it wasn't on my call history, I checked the phone bill later and it wasn't there either. That is why I called the phone company and asked. Thanks for the info about some phones, such as kids, being able to accept only numbers they are programmed to take. Had no idea that even existed. I suppose I could get his voice out of car on a weekend when he is napping, turn it on, call the number and see what happens, then turn phone back off. But I am a little nervous about this cause if it does turn out to be a woman, she will surely phone back and leave voicemail she is returning his call. Seems that would tip my hand. Of course, if he asked me about it, I suppose I could always smile sweetly and say I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Gawd, I hate having to try to think like a devious person.

[Jane Doe]

But I am a little nervous about this cause if it does turn out to be a woman, she will surely phone back and leave voicemail she is returning his call.

 

Not if you sit there and wait and answer the phone when she calls back.

[kjl933]

If he is using it for work as well as personal, it may be innocent. Has he given you any other reason than your own paranoia?

 

10 1 minute calls a day sounds like a quick check in for messages at work, or a call to see if an appointment will be on time, etc. As for not knowing the number, I am hard pressed to know ANY number at all--this is a world of speed dial and I know that my girlfriend is speed dial number 1 and my kids are 2,3, and 4. But if I had to call any of them from a payphone---no way in hell.

 

Why all the suspicion. Looking at putting a GPS into the phone sort of underscores the insecurity you have about your marraige.

[RuralProblems]

Like I stated in your previous thread - the cheapest option that you have right now would be to catch him talking on the phone in the car. I mentioned the Olympus digital recorder at Radio Shack (about $40). It sounds like he primarily uses the phone in the car, so it could be your cheapest and easiest way to find out. The microphone on these are good enough that you can even put it in a seat pocket, or tuck it in under the seat with some packing to keep it from moving. Of course this is devious, but I think you have reason to be concerned.

[SomeGirl1955]

Kjl1933, this is a personal phone, although it has walkie-talkie version and he does use that part to communicate with some guys he works with during work as they, too, have that feature on their phones. Yeah, the number could be somehow work connected and I am trying to keep an open mind about that. The calls were 1, 2, and 3 minutes in duration and were made frequently on many days. You asked why I am suspicious. He used to have phone in house always and used it in front of me, listened to voicemails on speaker phone, that sort of thing. Now he guards that phone like a pit bull. Other reasons: drastic decline in sex life, seems to irritate him if I just want to give him a hug and he will either not do it or give me a quick hug, usually with some comment about why am I being so insecure. I can count them times he has deep kissed me (not a peck I mean), even during sex, in the past month or two on my fingers and I am not sure I would use all my fingers. If I try to kiss him that way, even during sex he tries to avoid it, turning his head slightly. Behaving very distant and has started being very critical, even about mundane things. I have tried to communicate with him about what is wrong and he says I am being paranoid and acting crazy. He has told me he loved me exactly twice in the past month, once in response to my saying I loved him (lately his response is silence or "ok" if I say I love him). The other time was this morning. I questioned re the phone number, he left for work, about an hour later he phoned to chat a second and said "I love you, honey" before he hung up. Now I am aware alot of things can have an innocent explanation and I am trying to be mindful of that, but when I add everything together something just seems not right. I feel I have the option of either pretending nothing is possibly wrong and hoping it changes OR trying to find out for sure if something is going on, and hopefully being pleasantly surprised by finding innocent explanations. If they are not innocent explanations, well, at least I can make decisions at that point instead of hanging in limbo....wondering.

[Jane Doe]

I think you need to go with your gut insticts. They rarely fail you.

[outofdarkness]

Kjl1933, this is a personal phone, although it has walkie-talkie version and he does use that part to communicate with some guys he works with during work as they, too, have that feature on their phones. Yeah, the number could be somehow work connected and I am trying to keep an open mind about that. The calls were 1, 2, and 3 minutes in duration and were made frequently on many days. You asked why I am suspicious. He used to have phone in house always and used it in front of me, listened to voicemails on speaker phone, that sort of thing. Now he guards that phone like a pit bull. Other reasons: drastic decline in sex life, seems to irritate him if I just want to give him a hug and he will either not do it or give me a quick hug, usually with some comment about why am I being so insecure. I can count them times he has deep kissed me (not a peck I mean), even during sex, in the past month or two on my fingers and I am not sure I would use all my fingers. If I try to kiss him that way, even during sex he tries to avoid it, turning his head slightly. Behaving very distant and has started being very critical, even about mundane things. I have tried to communicate with him about what is wrong and he says I am being paranoid and acting crazy. He has told me he loved me exactly twice in the past month, once in response to my saying I loved him (lately his response is silence or "ok" if I say I love him). The other time was this morning. I questioned re the phone number, he left for work, about an hour later he phoned to chat a second and said "I love you, honey" before he hung up. Now I am aware alot of things can have an innocent explanation and I am trying to be mindful of that, but when I add everything together something just seems not right. I feel I have the option of either pretending nothing is possibly wrong and hoping it changes OR trying to find out for sure if something is going on, and hopefully being pleasantly surprised by finding innocent explanations. If they are not innocent explanations, well, at least I can make decisions at that point instead of hanging in limbo....wondering.

Everthing that you pointed out in this post from his critcal behavior to the lack of intimacy to his weird response when you tell him you love him, are HUGE red flags..I don't know about the whole cell deal yet, at least don't know all there is to know but I DO know that T Mobile shows incoming as well as outgoing calls. This is the only Co. that I know of that shows incoming too...When my H was cheating, he always left his phone off, charging and by the bed..If it was on, it was always on vibrate. I never thought a thing about it because I totally trusted him...Now, it is always on, has a ringer not vibrate and he talks on it in front of me. He may have another that I don't know about, but I closely monitor this one...He's totally open about it now. As I've said in so many other posts, if a person wants to cheat, they WILL find a way...phone or not...It's the challege, the sport of it, the high they get from the secrecy and deception...Just my opinion...Hope you get somewhere with your investigating. Some posters don't like that sort of thing, but I think you have to protect yourself and family..and most of the time you can trust your gut feeling...If you THINK something is going on...most times it IS going on. There is a thread on this forum about cheaters calling their spouse paranoid, crazy..you might read it...it was really interesting...That is a big red flag! If he doesn't have anything to hide, he would not be defensive, and irritable towards you...Good luck

[broken wings]

If I were you I would save some time and stress and just hire a private investigator. It might cost you but they are very efficient. They are listed all over the web. good luck