inarut Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Well after almost a month and a half of NC with my MM/FWB, I saw him on Saturday. Just a recap of my situtation: He told someone I was stalking him when in all honestly I was calling him once every 2 weeks to see if he wanted to meet. Long story short I basically told him I didn't appreciate him saying those things about me when they where not true. He said he never said them and that he just felt too many people where asking him questions about us so he thought it best we didn't meet anymore (he is friends with my cousins). Anyway, everything I was told he said was completely different than what he said to me on Saturday. I have no idea who to believe so I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. I keep thinking he has no reason to lie because I am not like I am looking for a relationship or anything. I KNOW WHAT THE DEAL IS!! He even said to me "I would be with you everyday if I knew no one would find out". We decided we would meet tonight and he would call me on Wednesday to set things up. Well it's Friday morning and I STILL have not heard from him. I just don't get it. Is he waiting for me to call him??? I told him I was not calling him this time because I was not going to go through the same sh*t as last time (I called him EVERY time). I know the whole situation and that nothing is going to come out of this and that we are basically there for comfort for each other so why is he not calling when he says he will?? I honestly believe deep down he has feelings for me but I am completely confused by his actions (or lack there of). If he calls today to ask if we are still meeting, what do I do? I don't want him to think I am just going to be waiting around for him to call so we can hook up? Part of me thinks he is waiting for ME to call because it will be a total ego booster. What do you guys think??
PoshPrincess Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Could be a guilt thing, like with my MM. They mean it at the time, truly, they have feelings for you, want to see you, but guilt is stopping them. They feel guilty for what they are doing to their W and kids and guilty for what they are doing to you. I am getting slightly stronger now in that I don't call my MM all the time - it made me feel like a stalker. I sometimes have a weak moment and text but also wait for him to make the move, which they generally do. Of course, every sitch is different! Let us know if you hear anything or if you decide to contact him.
Jane Doe Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 He even said to me "I would be with you everyday if I knew no one would find out". How insulting is that? He's not with you for "comfort." He's with you to use you for sex and when he's not wanting it, he wants you to disappear completely. Look at the facts here. You're reading something into this "relationship" that is not there. He will call you again when he's bored and horny, and not a minute before. I'm not trying to be harsh here; I just think you need a reality check. Please don't degrade yourself this way. You deserve better than this.
NoIDidn't Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Well after almost a month and a half of NC with my MM/FWB, I saw him on Saturday. Just a recap of my situtation: He told someone I was stalking him when in all honestly I was calling him once every 2 weeks to see if he wanted to meet. Long story short I basically told him I didn't appreciate him saying those things about me when they where not true. He said he never said them and that he just felt too many people where asking him questions about us so he thought it best we didn't meet anymore (he is friends with my cousins). Anyway, everything I was told he said was completely different than what he said to me on Saturday. I have no idea who to believe so I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. I keep thinking he has no reason to lie because I am not like I am looking for a relationship or anything. I KNOW WHAT THE DEAL IS!! He even said to me "I would be with you everyday if I knew no one would find out". We decided we would meet tonight and he would call me on Wednesday to set things up. Well it's Friday morning and I STILL have not heard from him. I just don't get it. Is he waiting for me to call him??? I told him I was not calling him this time because I was not going to go through the same sh*t as last time (I called him EVERY time). I know the whole situation and that nothing is going to come out of this and that we are basically there for comfort for each other so why is he not calling when he says he will?? I honestly believe deep down he has feelings for me but I am completely confused by his actions (or lack there of). If he calls today to ask if we are still meeting, what do I do? I don't want him to think I am just going to be waiting around for him to call so we can hook up? Part of me thinks he is waiting for ME to call because it will be a total ego booster. What do you guys think?? Seems to me like he already told you what he wants: "he thought it best we didn't meet anymore". He has already lied to you. Why would people tell you out of the blue that he thinks you are a stalker? They are trying to tell you to protect yourself, and pick your friends (WB) better. You have every red flag in the book. Stop lying to yourself. You may know the deal, but that is just a defense mechanism. You want more, or you wouldn't be so concerned about him having feelings for you somewhere deep down. If they are that deep, he doesn't want to acknowledge them b/c they are most likely NOT what you are expecting. I would NOT want to even befriend a guy who didn't want to get caught with me. He has told you everything he is thinking, you just framed it in rose colored glasses. Take them off. He doesn't want a relationship with you. He only wants sex when it is convenient for HIM. He doesn't want anyone to find out that he was with you. He has exaggerated the level of you contacting him to that of stalker. Simply put, he does not respect you. He got what he wanted and now he is over it. Please move on. He doesn't want anything.
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 I have no idea who to believe so I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. I keep thinking he has no reason to lie because I am not like I am looking for a relationship or anything. I KNOW WHAT THE DEAL IS!! Remember, this man, as much as you love him is a liar! He's lied to his wife enough times, so don't think he wouldn't lie to you as well. He just does it with a loving smile on his face. Don't let your emotions and your heart cloud your judgement here. Do you really think he's going to admit to you that he said those things? Come on.. He even said to me "I would be with you everyday if I knew no one would find out". Oh, that is insulting! Doesn't that piss you off? Don't you think you deserve to be known about, rather than kept a little quiet secret, hidden away for fun on his time, his terms?? Jane Doe is right, don't degrade yourself this way, you deserve better! This MM/FWB is a jerk, a user and just gives "enough" to keep you interested.
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 OK, you have 3 people here who have more or less said the same thing. Yeah, I know none of us really know you, him or the full dynamtic of your situation - But please take into consideration what we've said. Hey, if the man wanted to BE with you all the time, he would be. Out in the open. IF he truely loved you and wanted a life with you, he wouldn't be hiding it. He'd be ending his marriage, telling his friends how happy he is with someone else, and not care what anybody else thinks, period.
NoIDidn't Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 WWIU A guy like this isn't going to end his M unless his W wants to. I have a very close male relative that once told me that he only gets M to have someone to go home to, to grow old with. His M was basically for when he couldn't find a GF or OW to sleep with. He has been M several times. It sickens me that the women I've warned about him just ignore me and get hurt a million times over. I am much younger than them and him, so they don't think I know what I am talking about. The thing is, this guy isn't even her friend. The whole FWB thing is only about the "benefits" not the friendship. A real friend would see the whole relationship as a benefit, not just that you have sex with them. Plus a real friend would want more from the relationship if it became intimate anyway. PS - Its the guy that sickens me, not the women. Well, some of the women, but mostly the man in the middle.
Author inarut Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 The thing is we are BOTH married and have no plans on leaving our spouses (because of our children) so of course it needs to be kept a secret. That's why I don't understand what's going on because I know the situation between us is just for sex and he knows I know (that sounds horrible but that's what it is).
NoIDidn't Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 The thing is we are BOTH married and have no plans on leaving our spouses (because of our children) so of course it needs to be kept a secret. That's why I don't understand what's going on because I know the situation between us is just for sex and he knows I know (that sounds horrible but that's what it is). Then might I suggest someone a bit more discreet. He is telling people that you are a stalker, ALWAYS a bad sign. ALWAYS. Then there is always the option of sex with your H!!! And it doesn't sound as horrible as you think it does. Maybe this guy doesn't want to have sex with you anymore. Too much work. You are expecting too much from him. Maybe he has found another with more availability (not married) than you? Either way, it sounds like what it is, is over.
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