PoshPrincess Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 MM and I were NC for a while and then last week were back in touch. However, he has broken his foot and, being that he hasn't been able to get out the house, I have heard nothing from him. This could be the reason, then again, for those of you who have read my previous threads, it could be because last week, for the first time in months, he admitted he still has feelings for me. He could now be panicking about admitting that as he doesn't like to give me hope when he can't promise he will be with me. I thought that after he said what he did last week our R may have moved back up a gear but now I am feeling insecure again. Anyway, question is - it's his 40th next week - yes, the biggie - and I am wondering whether I should contact him. The last time I heard from him was 6 days ago when he left a message on my a/phone telling me he'd broken his foot. Two days later I texted asking how he was but have heard nothing. Because he is at home it may be dodgy sending him another text but I don't want him to think I've forgotten about him. On the other hand, he may not want to hear from me. I know though that he will be expecting to hear from me so maybe I should not bother and leave him wondering why, although I don't generallylike playing games. Obviously I can't send him a card......part of me thinks, "F*** it! You don't deserve me to wish you a happy birthday as I haven't even heard from you!" but then again he could have a valid reason for not getting in touch if he can't get out of the house. Due to his kids reading my messages before he is scared to contact me at all unless he is at work. Maybe I should see first whether he contacts me this weekend as he can only really contact me at home. Sorry if this post sounds confusing. Not sure that I have expressed myself particularly well. Sounds a bit random! What should I do?
BUTAFLY Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 my male buddy is reading you post over my shoulder and the first thing he said is WTF is wrong with women! he goes on to say NO!! of course you don't call, he hasn't forgotten about you,he just either trying to make you come to him or he don't want to get in trouble with wifey.
outofdarkness Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 MM and I were NC for a while and then last week were back in touch. However, he has broken his foot and, being that he hasn't been able to get out the house, I have heard nothing from him. This could be the reason, then again, for those of you who have read my previous threads, it could be because last week, for the first time in months, he admitted he still has feelings for me. He could now be panicking about admitting that as he doesn't like to give me hope when he can't promise he will be with me. I thought that after he said what he did last week our R may have moved back up a gear but now I am feeling insecure again. Anyway, question is - it's his 40th next week - yes, the biggie - and I am wondering whether I should contact him. The last time I heard from him was 6 days ago when he left a message on my a/phone telling me he'd broken his foot. Two days later I texted asking how he was but have heard nothing. Because he is at home it may be dodgy sending him another text but I don't want him to think I've forgotten about him. On the other hand, he may not want to hear from me. I know though that he will be expecting to hear from me so maybe I should not bother and leave him wondering why, although I don't generallylike playing games. Obviously I can't send him a card......part of me thinks, "F*** it! You don't deserve me to wish you a happy birthday as I haven't even heard from you!" but then again he could have a valid reason for not getting in touch if he can't get out of the house. Due to his kids reading my messages before he is scared to contact me at all unless he is at work. Maybe I should see first whether he contacts me this weekend as he can only really contact me at home. Sorry if this post sounds confusing. Not sure that I have expressed myself particularly well. Sounds a bit random! What should I do? Nooo..don't contact him...As the W of a cheater, I can tell you that it is so hard on the family when the OW reveals herself! Don't rub salt in the wound...Give it a couple of days and send him a belated e mail card or something...Or better yet, why do you continue to degrade yourself in this relationship? I know I sound like a Mother/nag, but I don't understand why a woman who is obviously intelligent, kind, etc..from reading your past posts, you would stay in this end relationship and lower yourself. He is using you...They use EVERYONE involved in A's...Ows Ws kids, everyone!!! Hope this has been alitttle helpful..I like hearing from the other side, it's been insightful and I've gotten good solid advice from this forum...Though mabey some others might feel the same
kjl933 Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Hire a couple of strippers and send them to his house with a Happy Birthday/Get Well Soon card!
blind_otter Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 yeah, contact him. That would be a passive aggressive way of outing him to his wife.
Author PoshPrincess Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 Hire a couple of strippers and send them to his house with a Happy Birthday/Get Well Soon card! Nice one, that's cheered me up! v tempting but don't think he'd know what to do with them!!!!!! Thanks everyone for your advice. OutofDarkness, I see what you are saying and I would probably be saying the same things looking at it as an outsider. I don't know if he IS using me; just think he's got himself into something he can't really handle. I suppose the only person who knows the answer to any of it is MM himself! As for outing him to the W - she already knows, or should I say, she knew. As far as he's told her, we're over, and we are in a way, though still in touch obviously which she wouldn't be too happy about. I don't want to antagonise her any more than we have. I never wanted her to find out. He was supposedly going to leave and make it as painless as possible but once she found out, and worse, the kids found out it would've been obvious why he was leaving. Of course, I could be deluding myself and he was just making excuses. Guess I will never know!
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Don't contact him. Due the circumstances I really don't think he's going to get upset or mad at you considering he's really not supposed to be intouch with you anymore. Always remember this, he has lied to his wife over and over again, so chances are he's lied to you afew times at some point. Don't let your heart rule your emotions. Think outside the box on this one. He is home with a broken foot and you've not heard from him. I'm sure he's been alone at home as well...And there's just been silence from his end. That says alot. Keep busy today and don't feel bad or guilty about not contacting him on his bday!
Baileykeg Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Hi Posh. As I read your post my first thought was for you to not contact him and that you were trying to make excuses for why he might not be contacting you. You may very well be right in his inability to talk to you right now but you shouldn't over analyze the whys and what ifs of this right now. My advice is to wait until the date gets closer and see how you feel. Only you know what is going to make you feel the best. Try to look ahead and see how you will feel after you do or don't contact him. Will wishing him HB make you feel any better or worse if you don't hear from him afterwards? Only you can answer that. He knows that you love him and if you don't wish him HB it won't be sending him a message that you don't love him anymore. Just do what is best for you. Easy for me to say, right? My boyfriend's birthday is next month. The day after mine. His present is sitting on the bed in my guest room. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it. Anybody need a super expensive underwater camera? haha
Author PoshPrincess Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 He is home with a broken foot and you've not heard from him. I'm sure he's been alone at home as well...And there's just been silence from his end. That says alot. I would agree with you here; the one good reason he has is that the only number he's got of mine (unless I text from mobile which he has to delete straight away if he's not alone) is my home number and when I am at home so is his W, although i am sure that if he really wanted to contact me he would find a way.....
Author PoshPrincess Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 [quote=Baileykeg;939392]Hi Posh. As I read your post my first thought was for you to not contact him and that you were trying to make excuses for why he might not be contacting you. You may very well be right in his inability to talk to you right now but you shouldn't over analyze the whys and what ifs of this right now. My advice is to wait until the date gets closer and see how you feel. Only you know what is going to make you feel the best. Try to look ahead and see how you will feel after you do or don't contact him. Will wishing him HB make you feel any better or worse if you don't hear from him afterwards? Only you can answer that. He knows that you love him and if you don't wish him HB it won't be sending him a message that you don't love him anymore. Just do what is best for you. Easy for me to say, right? My boyfriend's birthday is next month. The day after mine. His present is sitting on the bed in my guest room. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it. Anybody need a super expensive underwater camera? haha Thanks Bailey, really can't decide what to do yet. As for presents, I haven't got him anything this time. I did all that at Christmas and when it came to Valentine's I didn't even give him his card as he couldn't see me on the day. I was so angry I ripped it up and threw it away, even though he'd put one through my door for me. I couldn't do that for him obviously!!! I still have tickets at home for him that I bought last Christmas. They were delivered to me in July and he still hasn't collected them, even though he insists he still wants to go. The show is at the end of the month so it's looking less and less likely. Feel like flogging them on ebay for 1p! It wasn't something i wanted to see otherwise I would use them for myself. I bought them so that he could take his son, for his son's birthday. Far too thoughtful - yeah, I know, he isn't worth it!
Jane Doe Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 although i am sure that if he really wanted to contact me he would find a way..... Exactly. Don't contact him. On his birthday or any day. You sound like such a lovely person. I wish you would dump this clown and move on to someone worthy of you. He clearly isn't. He's a liar to his wife and a liar to you.
Author PoshPrincess Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 Thanks Jane, and I know you're probably right. I know that's what I should do - it's just doing it. Things are getting ever so slightly easier every day so hopefully I will get there - eventually.
sapphire0903 Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Hey Posh, My vote is with the majority, don't call him. If anything...........if he has voice mail at work leave him a message....to make you feel better. More than likely he is doing the "birthday thing" with his family. I know it sucks,........I have been excluded from such celebrations myself, simply because of the circumstances. Wait for him to contact you, you text him, and he has not responded......yet......he will in time..........count on it. Tell him then. In the mean time............you go out with your friends and celebrate your freedom. You are not obligated to him in no way, you are single. He isn't .....if he chooses to stay in a marriage he says he is unhappy with, well then it would be HIS choice wouldn't it? Let him stew in it. Let him miss you. Take care okay?
Author PoshPrincess Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 Hey Posh, My vote is with the majority, don't call him. If anything...........if he has voice mail at work leave him a message....to make you feel better. More than likely he is doing the "birthday thing" with his family. I know it sucks,........I have been excluded from such celebrations myself, simply because of the circumstances. Wait for him to contact you, you text him, and he has not responded......yet......he will in time..........count on it. Tell him then. In the mean time............you go out with your friends and celebrate your freedom. You are not obligated to him in no way, you are single. He isn't .....if he chooses to stay in a marriage he says he is unhappy with, well then it would be HIS choice wouldn't it? Let him stew in it. Let him miss you. Take care okay? Thanks Sapphire. For some strange reason I am doing surprisingly well at the moment and feel quite empowered. I have decided NOT to contact him on his birthday tomorrow as I have heard nothing from him since the message telling me he'd broken his foot over a week ago and, if he really wanted to spoeak to me, he would find a way! I'm not saying that if he gets in touch I won't speak to him or that I won't give in at some stage soon but at this precise moment I am coping ok! He doesn't work in an office so no way of contacting him other than via his mobile and I don't think he deserves it now, plus I know he will be expecting to hear SOMETHING from me. Not sure that he will be doing the 'birthday thing' with his family, although you'd think so as it's his 40th. I suggested W may be planning a surprise party but his reply was, "Yeah, that WOULD be a surprise!" Well, if he wants to spend his birthday feeling miserable that's his look out and maybe he isn't as unhappy as he makes out......who knows? Only hard thing it the moment is one of my best friends who has been having an affair with an engaged man has been 'outed'. His SO found some texts from her at the weekend. So far her and me have been living parallel lives as far as our MM relationships go but her man has now left....am honestly pleased for her and am trying to be supportive but I can't help feeling a tiny bit jealous. And all this has happened after only a couple of months. Just goes to show that some men DO have the balls to do what they say they will! Let's hope she has a happy ending.
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