Cardinal64 Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Does anyone think that if one partner in a marriage has an affair - even if they later confess and are truly sorry - they will tend to do it again at some point in the future?
luvstarved Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 I think this is impossible to answer. I would lean toward saying that someone who has proven to be a SERIAL cheater will probably not change, it's almost like a habit or way of life. Some men are just womanizers, and I guess some women are just "maneaters", but bad things sometimes happen to good people,too, people who got in over their heads and did not have the foresight or emotional maturity to extricate themselves before it was too late. So I would say that there is MORE HOPE in the case where something started off as an emotional affair. It seems like these are the ones that bring the most personal pain and remorse to the betrayer. Having said that, though, I am personally built this way: once a cheat, buh bye!
Tony T Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Some will and some won't. I would tend to think that the ones who felt compelled to cheat again were suffering from some terrible adrenalin addiction and eventually would seek a divorce. I don't think many get a second chance. Most episodes of cheating completely destroy what marriage there was.
Chapter2 Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Do a search on it...this question has been pondered since the inception of loveshack from what I can tell. The opinions are varied. My take is this... whether or not someone cheats again has a great deal to do with the person allowing them to stay and how many times they allow it. Do I think people deserve another chance? I do. I also think that if their pursuit of healing the marriage falters they should be shown the door. I'm not talking about an hour of not trying or even a week...I'm talking about an unfaithful spouse who started out gung ho to work on the marriage and then slowly but consistenly stops trying and settles for the status quo. If the BS allows them to stay with no effort on the WS's part, then yes, they will cheat again and again and again. The respect is dead in my opinion. Then again, every one of us is different and there are people who believe that once someone cheats at all, that's it, hit the door. There are others who continue to stay when their spouse has cheated several times because "he's so sorry and the kids would be destroyed". Its such an individual thing and everyone has a different belief on the subject. I'm not sure you can know until you get to the other side and find out. Does anyone think that if one partner in a marriage has an affair - even if they later confess and are truly sorry - they will tend to do it again at some point in the future?
shortnsassy Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Does anyone think that if one partner in a marriage has an affair - even if they later confess and are truly sorry - they will tend to do it again at some point in the future? once a cheater is alls ways a cheater. its in their blood they been on this routine so long its a habit. they say they are sorry but do they mean it? my advise no they dont.
stoopid_guy Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 I think this is impossible to answer. I would lean toward saying that someone who has proven to be a SERIAL cheater will probably not change, it's almost like a habit or way of life. Some men are just womanizers, and I guess some women are just "maneaters", but bad things sometimes happen to good people,too, people who got in over their heads and did not have the foresight or emotional maturity to extricate themselves before it was too late. So I would say that there is MORE HOPE in the case where something started off as an emotional affair. It seems like these are the ones that bring the most personal pain and remorse to the betrayer. I have to agree that you need to distinguish between the type of cheater, the "player" versus the "lonely." I think even "players" can grow up though, the emotional needs and priorities of a 20-ish person are very different from those of a 30-ish (or older) person.
kulyok Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 I guess even thrice, four or five times a cheater - or fifty five times, for that matter - can change. We human beings are capable of wondrous things. The key is to want it strongly enough. If we are speaking about one particular person, though, there are variants. That is, have they severed all contact(even birthday cards) with their other lover? Are they fulfilling the emotional needs of their betrayed partner, are their own needs met? Are they remorseful? If so, chances they will not cheat again are high indeed.
outofdarkness Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Does anyone think that if one partner in a marriage has an affair - even if they later confess and are truly sorry - they will tend to do it again at some point in the future? I agee with luvstarved...I think that if something starts out friends or emotional, and the cheater sticks with this one person, the chances are better that things between the H and W can work through things. If the cheater is a "womanizer" or addicteed as I say, then I think the chances or he/she cheating again are much lower. If the cheater is willing to get some sort of long term trmt to find out whey they feel the overwhelming "need, urge" to habitualt cheat and then treat it, it CAN and sometimes does work out, but this is the exception rather then the rule from what I can gather...So, I agee that the jury is still out on this one...
Flyin in Clouds Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Does anyone think that if one partner in a marriage has an affair - even if they later confess and are truly sorry - they will tend to do it again at some point in the future? Yes. (sorry yes was less than 10 chars. so I had to add this.)
Crimson107 Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 Not sure our president knows this one but. . . "Fool me once- Shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me" I have had my shame. If I betray my wife again, I don't deserve to live. Whenever temptation comes my way, I want to choose my mates happiness. I have spolied everything for nothing that can compare to my wife. I will have to commit suicide if I ruin a second chance I should have gotten right the 1st time.
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