Pyro Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 Who said anything about correct and mature? Is what the US is doing in Iraq correct and mature? Jesus Christ, almost 3,000 US troops are dead and 50,000+ Iraqi civilians. Simmer down there. Lovestruck is asking for some advice pertaining to her relationsip and that is what I am doing.
johan Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 At the first sign of conflict, what does Osama do? Go hide in his cave! And look how hard it has been for us to get him to come out. It's like he doesn't want to engage us as an adult. What a child!
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 8, 2006 Author Posted October 8, 2006 Ugh. I change my mind now...there's no progress on my behalf... So he went to his brother's this weekend. He left Friday night. And as soon as he drove out of my driveway, my heart sank and I felt so so sad.... I went to my room and started crying. I already missed him so much... Anyway, I rang him Saturday morning and asked him how he went last night (the drive down etc) he said it was good. Anyway, I found out he got into the pub there and got really drunk. I don't know why, but I felt so....jealous. Why? And trust me, when this guy has a few drinks, he gets plastered! I couldn't help thinking "What if he cheated on me while he was at the pub?" It's like I don't trust him the minute he is out of my sight....and that's not a good thing. It's still eating me away now I'm wanting to know what he really did get up to on Friday night. He swore to me he didn't cheat on me. And I guess I can take his word for that but...argh!!!!! It's like I wanted to be there with him... Anyway, when I found out that he did go out, I got really mad. Who knows why, I just did. Actually I do know why! Because the bastard tells me I'm not allowed to drink....and the fact that he went out and got blind drunk got up my nose a bit. So I thought, f*ck him. I rang my friends on Saturday and suggested we go to the beach. We all headed down to the beach for the afternoon. Then one of my friends asked if I wanted to go to her house that night. F*ck yes I would! I went home and had a shower and was starting to get ready and the phone rang. It was Rhys. Him "Hey, how come you haven't rang me today?" ME "I've just been caught up with other things...sorry." Him "Like what?" Me "Um, I went to the beach with some friends and Im just getting ready now to go down to (friend's name) house." Him "What are you doing down there?" Me "Um....I don't know. Just hanging out I guess....nothing much.." Him "Oh....well, what do you mean, hanging out?" Me "I...don't really know? Just hanging out. Doing girlie stuff (laughs) I don't know. Why all the questons?" Him "Just wondering......................I miss ya, Tess." Me "Awww, I miss you too, darlin!...well, I better get ready, I'll see you tomorrow k??" Him "Ok, I'll ring you. Love you.." Me "I love you too, sweetheart!" Why was he so curious to know what I was doing? Because he wasn't there to see me. He obviously feels the same way I do....I don't know. Anyway, I went down to my friends house and yes I DID have a few drinks. F*ck it, I'm not NOT going to deny myself of a good time JUST because my boyfriend doesn't approve of it, and especially when he's 2 hours down the coast, doing the exact same thing!! So I drank. And drank. And drank. And drank. And after about 8 - 9 drinks I started to feel a little queasy. So I threw up. And passed out. And woke up the next day with a sore head and a sore stomach. But you know what? I really don't care. I had a good time none the less. I enjoyed my night with the girls and felt good to be so independent and not worry about him! He rang me that night though, after I had had a few drinks. Him "What ya doin?" Me (Kinda slurring) "Nothing, darlin. Just hanging out with the girls. We're playing pool and watching tv...why do you ask that, precious?" Him "You're not getting up to mischeif are you? Are there any guys there?" Me "No, only (friends name) boyfriend but I think they're getting busy in the bedroom....hahahahahahaha." At this stage I was getting kinda distracted by one of my friends attempting to jump off the balcony... Me "Well, I better go. I'll talk to ya tomorrow k?" Him "Ok, don't let any other guys touch ya!! You're mine!" ME "Rhys, I'm not going to touch any other guys. It's not really on my to-do-list. I love you, and you only. I would never cheat on you, and that's a promise. I love you so much." Him "I love you too." It was kinda weird hearing him say those things. LIke HE didn't trust ME. This really sucks. If we can't trust each other what do we have? Anyway, ceom Sunday morning I started to miss him like crazy. I cried myself to sleep Saturday night after the alcohol wore off. I cried and cried and cried. I don't know WHAT THE HELL I was crying over but I cried and cried like I've never cried before.... Seriously, when I saw his face on Sunday I was so happy, so relieved. "I missed you so much, don't ever go away like that again!!" I told him. He asked me all about my weekend and if any guys tried to crack onto me. Lol No I told him. Anyway, why did I miss him so much? I felt to helpless without him. I felt so empty when he wasn't there. Why? WHY THE HELL CAN'T I BE MORE INDEPENDENT??????? ANSWER ME THAT!!
alphamale Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 WHY THE HELL CAN'T I BE MORE INDEPENDENT??????? ANSWER ME THAT!! females are meant to be dependent. its the way of the world. most of the women who say they are "independent" really are not.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 8, 2006 Author Posted October 8, 2006 females are meant to be dependent. its the way of the world. most of the women who say they are "independent" really are not. Well, it sucks. I feel so much like this relationship is lop-sided. It's like 80% to 20%.... I feel like I love him so much more than he loves me. Or should I not assume that because guys don't show their feelings/emtions as much as girls? Ok, I don't really want to get personal here but is it right for a guy to tell his friends about their sex life? I just found out of one of Rhys' friends that he has blurted out to all of them "what I'm like in the sack". He told them this..."She's awesome under the covers. She's always horny for it and she's always askin for it. I f*ck her twice a day" or something along those lines. Now, I probably wouldn't have a problem if he told say, a truckie or some random friend he has that doesn't know me, but I'm friends with all of his mates....kinda weird now when I talk to them and they are all looking at me all funny.... I just...I feel like he doesn't respect me (ha obviously!) but going around saying that...... I told my mum and she said what 17 year old guy DOESN'T blab off like that? Is this true?
Pyro Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 Well, it sucks. I feel so much like this relationship is lop-sided. It's like 80% to 20%.... Just to clear things up, women don't have to be dependent on guys. Some of them do need it, but if you are willing and able, you don't have to depend on a guy. I feel like I love him so much more than he loves me. Or should I not assume that because guys don't show their feelings/emtions as much as girls? Ok, I don't really want to get personal here but is it right for a guy to tell his friends about their sex life? I just found out of one of Rhys' friends that he has blurted out to all of them "what I'm like in the sack". He told them this..."She's awesome under the covers. She's always horny for it and she's always askin for it. I f*ck her twice a day" or something along those lines. Now, I probably wouldn't have a problem if he told say, a truckie or some random friend he has that doesn't know me, but I'm friends with all of his mates....kinda weird now when I talk to them and they are all looking at me all funny.... I just...I feel like he doesn't respect me (ha obviously!) but going around saying that...... I told my mum and she said what 17 year old guy DOESN'T blab off like that? Is this true? A relationship should have a full effort from both partners. Anything less and the relationship is bad and it won't last. You are torturing yourself by putting in almost all of the effort. A real gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. That aspect of your lives is personal and should only be kept between you two. That is very disrespectful on his part, but it does show his true colors of being a little boy and not a man. Obviously only you have the power to make changes in your relationship, but I highly recommend some major changes needing to occur with you two, or else the relationship is doomed. I can tell that its on its way there right now.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 Thanks Riddler... I'm trying to even this relationship out, I really am. Baby steps, right? It's so damn hard, you know? Relationships take so much hard work, really, they do.... I want to make it work. I believe he does too. He's new to relationships, I'm his first girlfriend... I mean, I have had my fair share of abuse in relationships, both physical and verbal and I thought I could handle this but man, this is like psychological abuse....it's so hard. I do sympathize in the respect that he is...well a virgin when it comes to relationships. He tries, I think he does, but he's not trying hard enough. I'm not expecting the sun and the moon from this guy, I'm just expecting a little effort. A little sympathy... Like, ok, get this. When I found out about my mum having bowel cancer I was really upset for a while. You know, it was still sinking in, I felt very...empty. Anyway, one day I was sitting there and I was kind of in my own world, just thinking about things, moreso mum, and I will admit I came across as a little upset...which I think is relevently normal seeing as she has cancer!! Anyway, Rhys walked past and goes "you're never happy, are you Tess? You always seem upset about something! And you know what, I don't CARE ANYMORE!!" Then he just kept walking. I got really fired up and followed him into the next room and said "Look Rhys, did you ever think for a inute that my mum has cancer?? And what, I'm no allowed to be upset about that???" Anyway, it started a massive argument, screaming and fighting. When we cooled down he said to me these words... "Tess, I know you're mum is sick and I know it's sad, I do sympathize for her. But I'm not going to sit here and cry with you or hug you when you're upset about her. You've got to learn to be poisitve. You know, Tess? I'm a bloke, I'm not gay or anything, I'm not going to sit and cry with you and be all comforting like that...I'm a guy, I'm not like that..." And it was from that day forward that I stopped opening up to him. And it was from that day forward that it had gotten worse. The relationship in general didn't get worse, just the fights. They were getting more, like, really offensive. With the name-calling...(now I have NEVER called him a name but he always does) and everything.... Do you think maybe that argument has some sort of link to all of this??
whichwayisup Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 "Tess, I know you're mum is sick and I know it's sad, I do sympathize for her. But I'm not going to sit here and cry with you or hug you when you're upset about her. You've got to learn to be poisitve. You know, Tess? I'm a bloke, I'm not gay or anything, I'm not going to sit and cry with you and be all comforting like that...I'm a guy, I'm not like that..." Boy, ain't he a loving and supportive boyfriend. He needs to GROW the F up. God forbid HE goes through something like you're going through with his mom, or even worse, loses a parent to death.
Pyro Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 Thanks Riddler... I'm trying to even this relationship out, I really am. Baby steps, right? It's so damn hard, you know? Relationships take so much hard work, really, they do.... I want to make it work. I believe he does too. He's new to relationships, I'm his first girlfriend... I mean, I have had my fair share of abuse in relationships, both physical and verbal and I thought I could handle this but man, this is like psychological abuse....it's so hard. I do sympathize in the respect that he is...well a virgin when it comes to relationships. He tries, I think he does, but he's not trying hard enough. I'm not expecting the sun and the moon from this guy, I'm just expecting a little effort. A little sympathy... Like, ok, get this. When I found out about my mum having bowel cancer I was really upset for a while. You know, it was still sinking in, I felt very...empty. Anyway, one day I was sitting there and I was kind of in my own world, just thinking about things, moreso mum, and I will admit I came across as a little upset...which I think is relevently normal seeing as she has cancer!! Anyway, Rhys walked past and goes "you're never happy, are you Tess? You always seem upset about something! And you know what, I don't CARE ANYMORE!!" Then he just kept walking. I got really fired up and followed him into the next room and said "Look Rhys, did you ever think for a inute that my mum has cancer?? And what, I'm no allowed to be upset about that???" Anyway, it started a massive argument, screaming and fighting. When we cooled down he said to me these words... "Tess, I know you're mum is sick and I know it's sad, I do sympathize for her. But I'm not going to sit here and cry with you or hug you when you're upset about her. You've got to learn to be poisitve. You know, Tess? I'm a bloke, I'm not gay or anything, I'm not going to sit and cry with you and be all comforting like that...I'm a guy, I'm not like that..." And it was from that day forward that I stopped opening up to him. And it was from that day forward that it had gotten worse. The relationship in general didn't get worse, just the fights. They were getting more, like, really offensive. With the name-calling...(now I have NEVER called him a name but he always does) and everything.... Do you think maybe that argument has some sort of link to all of this?? Yes relationships do take alot of work but in order for it to work, both of you need to work on it and thus far it seems like only you are putting any work into the relationship. That was very insensitive on his behalf when he lashed out at you about your mum. For a successful relationship, you need to be able to open up to him without any problems but obviously that can't happen. Love, you need to do something. It sounds like you have given him enough chances to get better and he still has not, nor does it seem like he doesn't even try to work on the relationship. I think that you need to cut your losses and end it. I can't see him getting better, unless he were to lose you and then he would realize what exactly he did that was wrong and what he needs to do in future relationships.
Walk Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 Hey... not to intrude here... Lovestruck.. he's going to keep treating you with little to no respect until you show him how you wish to be treated. Put some back bone into it. I understand how you feel when you say you can't just walk away from an argument. I'm the same way. I am compelled to stay and hack it out til it's bitter end. The worse it gets the harder I find it to walk away. But it's something I had to learn how to do. Especially when tempers are running high, and emotions are clouding the situation. Also, I find it ironic, sad, that you don't realize you hold the power in this relationship. The man would be no one without you. You're his ultimate ego boost. I'm sure you don't see it, or you wouldn't be begging him not to leave you. But I would place every dollar I have on the fact that his threats are empty. The one thing I've leraned about relationships, is that you have to be willing to let it go, just as much as you are in holding on. You can't make him stay if he isn't happy. Not to add more baggage, but how do you know he isn't staying out of guilt when you beg him to stay? By now, he should know how you feel about him, and that you are willing to do those things that make him happy in a relationship. You two have been together for long enough for him to have a good idea of who you are. So next time he threatens to leave, let him. You can't hold him there anyway. And if his wish is to end it, then honor that request. Don't beg him not to. I guess all I'm saying is.. Show him you take his words seriously. And you take them to heart. If he says he wants to leave, then help him leave. It's what he said he wanted. And if you love him, then give him what he wanted. If he doesn't want that, then he shouldnt' say it. But at the very least, it will prove to him that his words do have an enormous impact on the relationship, and he needs to think through what he really wants to say before saying it. Seriously, if he says "Its over" again, then tell him you want him to be happy, and if that's what he wants, then you want it to.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 Thanks everyone for your replies... Walk, I really do wish I had more power in the relationship and that I ould just let go but the one thing I am scared of is if I say "Fine, see ya later" then that will be it. How am I to know he will come back? What if he doesn't? I would feel so...so horrible for ending it like that...just saying "Right, fine, bub bye.." To me, that's showing that you don't care about the relationship. The reason I beg for him not to leave is because this relationship is everything to me. Absoultely everything. And I don't know, I don't think I'm ready to give up on that....that's fair enough, isn't it? I can't just walk away from it. I can't. I have put blood, sweat and tears into building this, and...no, I can't just walk away from it. I have thrown myself at him. I have given him my everything....my life has stoppped all around me because I focus so damn much on him... He came in to pick me up from the train station yesterday afternoon and it's like the minute I see him all these things I have written down here just float away. I don't think about all the bad stuff. I see his face and it's like everything is back to normal and perfect again. Go ahead and call me obsessed. I know I am. And I don't know how to get out of it. Mum asked me the other day how I react to him when he gets angry and takes it out on me. I told her that to start off with I snapped as well, and that's when the arguments started, but now, it's like I have just become imune to it, I just shut it out and...well, pretend it's not happening. When I told her that I realised how much I had been letting this go on. But the fact that I have gotten into that habit now of just shutting it out, it's like I can't just jump straight back out and start fighting back.... ARGH!! I hate this so much....what the f*ck is wrong with me?
whichwayisup Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 Fine, see ya later" then that will be it. How am I to know he will come back? What if he doesn't? I would feel so...so horrible for ending it like that...just saying "Right, fine, bub bye.." So he leaves, and you'll be miserable for a few weeks, or something. But, do you know what? Your self confidence will rise, you'll feel better in general. Sure, you'll be lonely and miss that companionship, but YOU will be in a healthier place. I have thrown myself at him. I have given him my everything....my life has stoppped all around me because I focus so damn much on him... Stop doing that! Yeah, he's important to you, but don't make him number ONE all the time. Look out for yourself and your needs. What he wants when he wants, he really can't get 24/7 from you. He doesn't put you first, he puts himself first most of the time Tess. He considers what you think and feel quite low on his priority list. When you two fight or argue, don't back down. And don't be the one to say I'm sorry ALL the time. If you're being bitchy, own up to it, but do not take responsibility for the WHOLE fight. Rhys LOVES to put it all on you, and you sit there and take it! He knows exactly what to say to you, push your buttons so you'll react the way he wants you to. Hello, can we say CONTROL freak?? Seriously, start putting yourself first more. Go out and do other things, hang with friends, BE with your mom - Make special time for her and if Rhys doesn't like it, that's too bad. His problem! He can learn that you are not his slave and supposed to come running when he calls your name.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 Hello, can we say CONTROL freak?? My Dad was saying this to me when I was talking to him about it. He says there is nothing he can't stand more than someone telling him what to do. He also said that if he (Rhys) keeps it up, then he will have to step in... I don't want my parents getting involved, that way for sure he'll break up with me...I know him too well... You know, the times that I have gone out with my friends or I'm with my mum I can't even concentrate fully cos I'm thinking of him. "What's he doing now? When's he going to call? Should I call him? I don't want to come across needy! What if he's having a good time WITHOUT me? I'll wait for him to call...what if he doesn't? What if he's cheating on me?????!!!" That's seriously the things I think about..... And when I see him it's like a big sigh of relief.... I think I'm too much of a control freak, wanting him near me all the time, do you think?
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