mtl-lost Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 My boyfriend of 6 months was away on a holiday for 3 weeks. Before he left things were perfect... We lived in our own apartments seeing each other a few times a week, hanging out a lot together, going on roadtrips, cooking together, having a good time in bed, and when not together either talking on the telephone or emailing daily, etc. Just a healthy relationship. While he was on his holiday I did not hear from him much, only a postcard. He came back from his holiday at the end of September. I went to the airport to surprise him. Obviously it was the wrong choice because he decided to not have me over at his place but bring me back to my own. He didn't want to kiss like before... Touch like before... Something was off. The next day he came by to my place to explain he'd gotten in an accident. He explained how he almost lost his life. Almost killed his family. But no one was injured in the accident. He was on medicine for a shock. And did not feel like before, feeling depressed. He said he needed some time to figure everything out in his head. Of course this came like a bomb on me! I had no idea this happened! I had no idea he wouldn't want to be with me! I'd bought lingerie to wear that night of his return, I'd made special cake for him, I'd prepared myself to be together again and all of a sudden he was so distant. I cried a lot... He reassured me it wasn't anything to do with me. That he loved me. I asked him "am I still your girlfriend?" He said nothing. I told him that was not an option, that I wanted to stick with him through this all. He said a lot he wanted me to be strong, to keep doing good with my studies, etc. The next days I was a basketcase... I couldn't let him be and kept calling him, crying. He'd come to see me at my place. He spent a night over sleeping on my futon all dressed. Another time a few days later I invited him over for dinner and he ended up staying the night, this time sleeping in the bed with me, but barely touching me with a kiss on the cheek. Another time we went out for dinner and then he came again to sleep at my place. I thought we were doing good, seeing each other a bit... I felt like something was missing though so I told him. I told him I missed feeling him close to me and he said it simply wasn't something he could do right now. He said he still felt attracted to me. Yesterday he got a bit angry I think on the phone. I kept calling him... Because we'd hang up before I was done with everything. So at the 3rd phonecall he said "this isn't working, I can't think, you're constantly calling and emailing me." So I tried to stop. But couldn't... I still called him today and left telephone messages and a few emails... I invited him to go out to lunch tomorrow, or do something together on Sunday. All with no replies... It's the first time... Before I'd somehow get through to him after a few attemps. But not today... So I'm worried. It's screwed up. I want to let him the time he wants but I keep being reminded of him everywhere... Everything makes me think of him and makes me want to call/email so that I can see him. I'm scared this is pushing him away from me. I wish he'd let me in and help him deal with his accident but he's pushing me away. I feel so useless. I think if I was in an accident I would love to have a lot of people who love me around me... But he's doing the opposite. I didn't see any of this coming and don't know how to deal with it. How do I leave him time? I don't feel hungry at all. I don't have friends to hang out with. I've called my mom who lives far away but that just worried her so I stopped telling her about it. I feel like crap. I've had some dark thoughts. Being alone at home with nothing to do is the worse. I don't know what to do with this anymore. How do I deal with this? It's only been 12 days but it feels like 3 months.
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 The only thing you can do is give him the space he needs. If you don't stop calling so much he WILL break up with you. Some people shut off from the world when dealing with their issues. And, this is typical male behaviour, they need to work things out alone and once life makes sense again, they come back into the world. Be patient, stop calling and let him have the breathing room he needs. This isn't about you! This is HIS problem and unfortunately for you, you gotta let him handle this the way he feels most comfortable with. Maybe you should take this time for yourself and do some things that make you happy. Go and hang out with family, enjoy life abit. You can't make him the ONLY thing in your life, your only focus because right now as you're alone, nothing else can make you happy.
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