almostthere Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 Here it is Thursday today. Whats new? I am always upset on Thursday. I spent a lot of time thinking in the past week. In fact I cried the whole way home last Friday from work. If it wasnt for my kids I probably would have still been upset when i got home. I want to tell my bf so bad how i am feeling but i feel that this is my problem. And honestly it is. I never walked away when i should of. I let him not have the headache from her while hurting me by not coming with me places and so forth. You al the know the story by now. I want the hurt, resentment, anger and frustration to go away. The only way i seem to be able to find is to let him go. Then i think about all the never agains that happen when you break up and being alone again, starting over, having to bump into him with another woman. It drives me crazy. Why cant i just get over all of it! I mean normally people wouldnt get mad that your SO's ex took a shower at the house when you werent there right? or he fixed the car and had her stay at the house all day with him while he did it again when you werent there? or faught in the bedroom you two make love in because there wasnt anywhere else to fight? I so want to give up. I so want to leave sometimes. I hate that he is good to me. I hate that my kids like him. I hate that i fell in love somewhere during the time I was so mad at him. I hate that he is living with me because i cant ask for a few days to think about things. And because it made us closer. Everyone else I just walked away from. My exh included. Why cant i convince myself to leave this one too? I hate feeling this way!!
Guest Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 That makes no sense at all. You might want to try rewriting that whole thing.
Josalina Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 ok your children are your first priority, maybe they r clinging to there father becos they feel the tenseness from you, take them out do things, enjoy spending time with them, it will also take your mind off your ex. i like the guest found it a lil hard to pick up whet is going on, if you post a bit more we will b all happy to help, who is SO? the person who used ur shower when u weren't there or something? remember running away does not help anyone, u have to be strong for your children and yourself. r u planning to leave your children then? as this won't make then like you any more and it is natural they love their dad, it would be worring if they didn't for no reason, unless there is a reason they should hate him? post some more and i will try and help. just remeber what i have said your children need you, and look after yourself.
a4a Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 If you love them, why do you want to break up? Because in reality her bf or F is crapping all over her and still putting his ex W first. Are you saying his X was in your home all day and showering in your home? He still and will continue to put his X before you until you let him know how much it hurts you and is ruining your relationship. It is just a matter of time before you leave him if this behavior continues. Unless of course you are getting something out of the drama - a high of sorts. Did you really tell him how hurt you feel. I am sorry to say IMHO he won't probably care even if you do tell him, he is far too busy still trying to please and hold on to his X. I gotta wonder how her bf feels about their relationship (your bf and X's) She (X) is an obvious game player and your bf is playing right along. He is choosing to play.....he does have the choice.
Author almostthere Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 Well...after we were dating for about 3 months her shower broke and she called my bf and asked if she could shower at his place. I was at work and without a second thought he let her. Then her car broke a week or so later and she sat at his house (probably right by him while he was working on her car) all day getting it repaired, again, while i was at work. This was technically his house. Me and my kids were just spending 90% of our time there including spending some nights. He always refered to it as our house. I dont know what to do anymore. a4a I am glad you remember some of this stuff becuase I cant possibly type it all out. I am not leaving my kids...and he is not their father. They just really like him. I am sorry my post seemed confusing. It is probably because it is a direct reflection of how i feel inside. I spoke up in our relationship at about 3 months along. but barely. I never expected us to make it this long. We were just best friends...i guess..and I didnt want to lose his friendship. Now, I love him and I know what he did and still does to some extent is wrong and hurtful. I feel stupid sometimes that I let things that happened awhile ago still bother me. Maybe its because to some extent they are still happening. I mean not nearly as bad as before. But what i went through in the first to the 10th month was very hurtful. He is a wonderful bf (if the exw didnt exsist). I didnt act on anything before and now things are just eating away at me. I got mad last night because his ex has called him everyday this week...again. Just to tell him she hasnt figured out where we are picking up the kids tonight. You have to call everyday to say heres the update...I have no idea yet. cant she just call once and say heres the info? then i say something about it and he goes "ok...i know" like all annoyed that i am b!itching about it again. I just want it to stop. Is it wrong of me to hold this grudge against what he did? I really think that he still had feelings for her up until maybe 7th month of our relationship. we have been together a year. How do you just let go of past hurt? I cant talk to him anymore about it because he is tired of hearing about it, never does anything to change it, and stares at the wall when i am talking. I dont know how to make myself feel better. my friend says that the only way i will get over it is to leave him and find someone else after i heal from it. Is that the only way?
Author almostthere Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 If i didnt say anything too much back then except could you please not answer the phone every time she calls. or it really bothers me that she calls to ask you to come home and she loves you still and you pick up the phone everytime she does it. It used to be one to three times just while i was there. I had no idea how much during the day. I was at work. Do i still have a right to be mad? do i still have the right to sit down and talk with him about it? Or did i miss the boat and have to deal with all these feelings by myself? I am going to talk to him tonight or tomorrow night. i have to let him know that i am two steps from the door. I know it wont help. But i cant just blindside him and ask him to leave. I feel i shold at least offer him the option of staying a few days to see about where he will move to. I dont know. i just dont know anything anymore.
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