missy77 Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I have thought a lot about my ex during the past 2 years. During the whole time I've known him we were on again, off again, on again, off again. Well 2 years ago when he left a message on my answering machine saying he would call me when he got a free minute, and then he never called. Something in me snapped and I said thats it, its over. Eigth months later I get a letter in the mail from him, explaining he is sorry for not staying in contact me, he was scared of getting his heart broken again, had a drug problem. Well I ripped up the letter and threw it away, and didn't respond to it. Its been two years, and this past Saturday was the first time I've seen or spoke to him. If you read my other post you know what happen. He was with a date, both of us were in line. He said hello to me and I totally ignored him, then he got COMPLETELY in my face and said hello how are you. I didn't make eye contact with him, and it took me a few seconds to answer him, I said fine, my head was turned away from him when I said it. (I'm not even sure if he heard me or not) Then he stood outside of the theatre staring at me, I was still in line and I have no idea where his date went. Then he hung around inside of the theatre, again without his date. I know he was just trying to see where I was or who I was with. My question is, if he has no feelings left for me, or he wants nothing to do with me. Then why in the world would he have done these things he did Saturday night. I feel I've blown all the chances in the world now, of us getting back together. What if its another 2 years before I see him, or what if I never see him again. I really need some help on this.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 First of all I can tell he still probably loves you, and I did read your other posts. From your other post, I got the impression that he disgusted you and you had no feeling for him. Reading this post gives me the opposite impression. Do you want another chance with him? Problem is he may have someone who is already in love with him. I would do a little more soul searching and decide whether this is what you want or not. Also, if he is in a relationship you want to respect that as well, although her has already clearly disrespected it by confronting you like that. Regards,
Author missy77 Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 First of all I can tell he still probably loves you, and I did read your other posts. From your other post, I got the impression that he disgusted you and you had no feeling for him. Reading this post gives me the opposite impression. Do you want another chance with him? Problem is he may have someone who is already in love with him. I would do a little more soul searching and decide whether this is what you want or not. Also, if he is in a relationship you want to respect that as well, although her has already clearly disrespected it by confronting you like that. Regards, I'm not sure if the girl I saw him with is in love with him or not. And I don't think he is in love with her either, because if he was I don't think he would have done what he did that night. I didn't speak because he was with a date, the movie line is not the right place to start up a conversation, and I just wanted to have a fun time at the movies. Another reason I didn't speak was because I didn't want to give him a chance to get in my life, found out my business, if I'm seeing someone, where I'm working etc. And then just disappear out of my life like he has done before. See right now he knows nothing, about me where I'm working, if I'm seeing someone. But at the same time I feel like I've thrown away all the chances in the world of us getting back together. I feel he thinks its been two years, and she won't talk to me. What do I do? Does this guy want to try to catch up with me, or maybe start dating again? Oh, by the way a few months ago his mom called me, I think she was just trying to find out information about me.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 Sounds pretty interesting too me. Do you think you have a good chance of running into him? Why did he disappear out of your life before? More info girl!
Author missy77 Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 Sounds pretty interesting too me. Do you think you have a good chance of running into him? Why did he disappear out of your life before? More info girl! I'm not sure if I will run into him again or not. I guess he disappered out of my life because I guess he was just doing his own thing. It was him he would never stay around. He said in his letter, he had a drug problem, was scared of getting his heart broken again, he said he was surprised I even went out with him at all. Do you think he will call me? Or not call based on my actions that Saturday night?
Sand&Water Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 Missy77, Do you think he will call me? Or not call based on my actions that Saturday night? I do not think he will call you. The way you acted, and his response to the whole situation, put him in a tough position. He is in a stage, of confusion and uncertainty, right now. Like Rooster_DAR said, you will have to dig deep down, and do some soul searching. Do you truly want him back in your life? How long have you been disconnected from him? IF the answer is yes, I suggest to make your intention(s) very clear. No more games. No more betrayal. No more distrust; abuse of any form, and most of all respect should be installed in order to resolve all issues. Sand&Water
Author missy77 Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 Missy77, I do not think he will call you. The way you acted, and his response to the whole situation, put him in a tough position. He is in a stage, of confusion and uncertainty, right now. Like Rooster_DAR said, you will have to dig deep down, and do some soul searching. Do you truly want him back in your life? How long have you been disconnected from him? IF the answer is yes, I suggest to make your intention(s) very clear. No more games. No more betrayal. No more distrust; abuse of any form, and most of all respect should be installed in order to resolve all issues. Sand&Water I haven't seen or talked to him in 2 years, this past weekend was the first time I have seen him or talked to him. During those years I just put him in the past and I thought he did the same to me. But I guess he hasn't because of his actions that night. But then again, if he truely wanted to date me or spend time with me, he would have called me during those 2 years and asked me out. But he didn't and then he talks to me at the movies, gets in my face to get my attention or reaction from me, and expects me to be nice to him. I just think he did it wrong!!!! He should have not done what he did that night. I feel if he wanted to talk to me he should have picked up the phone and called me. UGH!!! I'm so lost, confused, and frustrated right now. I do want him back in my life but then again Idon't because I'm scared he'll run away just like before. Or maybe now he is ready for a relationship, he mentioned in his letter that he needed to get over his first LOVE he used to be engaged. So I feel the whole time we were dating, he was still in love with his ex fiance. I just do't watn to be used, or a doormat! Its so unfair for me to give my feelings to him, and he just up and leave. What about my feelings and getting my heart broken? Its just sooooooo unfair!!! UGH! What do I do? How do I handle this?
steve1977 Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 I know this is not what you want to hear but I personally think you just resign him to the past. Two years is a long time and you still sound very hurt by him, I just feel that if you let him back in the hurt will be more this time. Sorry but I dont want you getting hurt, leave him be !
Sand&Water Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 Missy77, I will provide, my $0.02 worth of thoughts/ideas/conclusions. I don't know your situation to the exact molecule, nonetheless, I believe a couple of translations from me could help/guide you in the right direction [hopefully]. I haven't seen or talked to him in 2 years, this past weekend was the first time I have seen him or talked to him. During those years I just put him in the past and I thought he did the same to me. But I guess he hasn't because of his actions that night. Two years is a long time. This entail, suggests that his coping mechanism has not been effecient in getting over you. Hence, he still cares about you. But, he is NOT doing anything significant to show you he wants you back. So, it is back to squate one for him. I don't think it is wise to approach him. Do you want to involve yourself in the his viscous cycle, including the drug problem? But then again, if he truely wanted to date me or spend time with me, he would have called me during those 2 years and asked me out. But he didn't and then he talks to me at the movies, gets in my face to get my attention or reaction from me, and expects me to be nice to him. I just think he did it wrong!!!! He should have not done what he did that night. I think, he did this to get a reaction from you. He wanted, someone -anyone- to show him affection, sympathy, and gratitude. You dated him for awhile, and expected that you would be the first person, to come to his aide and proclaim your feelings to him. I just do't watn to be used, or a doormat! Its so unfair for me to give my feelings to him, and he just up and leave. What about my feelings and getting my heart broken? Its just sooooooo unfair!!! I understand how you feel. No one wants to be used or treated like a doormat. Certainly not, me. With that said, you may have to sacrifice a few things -if you want to observe change in your interaction with him. Are you willing to take a risk? Again, it is up to you. But, it is most likely he is so over-his-head in agony, pain of drugs, and downfall of his love life -he doesn't see the hurt he is causing you. Something to consider, Sand&Water
Author missy77 Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 Missy77, I will provide, my $0.02 worth of thoughts/ideas/conclusions. I don't know your situation to the exact molecule, nonetheless, I believe a couple of translations from me could help/guide you in the right direction [hopefully]. I haven't seen or talked to him in 2 years, this past weekend was the first time I have seen him or talked to him. During those years I just put him in the past and I thought he did the same to me. But I guess he hasn't because of his actions that night. Two years is a long time. This entail, suggests that his coping mechanism has not been effecient in getting over you. Hence, he still cares about you. But, he is NOT doing anything significant to show you he wants you back. So, it is back to squate one for him. I don't think it is wise to approach him. Do you want to involve yourself in the his viscous cycle, including the drug problem? But then again, if he truely wanted to date me or spend time with me, he would have called me during those 2 years and asked me out. But he didn't and then he talks to me at the movies, gets in my face to get my attention or reaction from me, and expects me to be nice to him. I just think he did it wrong!!!! He should have not done what he did that night. I think, he did this to get a reaction from you. He wanted, someone -anyone- to show him affection, sympathy, and gratitude. You dated him for awhile, and expected that you would be the first person, to come to his aide and proclaim your feelings to him. I just do't watn to be used, or a doormat! Its so unfair for me to give my feelings to him, and he just up and leave. What about my feelings and getting my heart broken? Its just sooooooo unfair!!! I understand how you feel. No one wants to be used or treated like a doormat. Certainly not, me. With that said, you may have to sacrifice a few things -if you want to observe change in your interaction with him. Are you willing to take a risk? Again, it is up to you. But, it is most likely he is so over-his-head in agony, pain of drugs, and downfall of his love life -he doesn't see the hurt he is causing you. Something to consider, Sand&Water Thanks you for your advice. What should I do now, just wait to see if he contacts me, or should I make an attempt to contact him?
Sand&Water Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 Missy77, Thanks you for your advice. What should I do now, just wait to see if he contacts me, or should I make an attempt to contact him? Again, this is something you have decide by yourself with the help of your internal dialogue. No one can tell you, exactly, what to do. Keep in mind, you don't want to do something you will regret. IF you are still strongly in love with him, then perhaps you could initiate contact. You have to ask yourself: Can I see myself in a relationship with him, knowing fully that certain issues are not yet resolved, and he may not turn his life around for the better? And, Am I willing to compromise with him, and vice versa? Sand&Water
Author missy77 Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 Missy77, Again, this is something you have decide by yourself with the help of your internal dialogue. No one can tell you, exactly, what to do. Keep in mind, you don't want to do something you will regret. IF you are still strongly in love with him, then perhaps you could initiate contact. You have to ask yourself: Can I see myself in a relationship with him, knowing fully that certain issues are not yet resolved, and he may not turn his life around for the better? And, Am I willing to compromise with him, and vice versa? Sand&Water I'm not going to contact him, I feel he is the one who did me wrong, so why should I be the one to contact him. Plus he was with another girl, I don't want to hear him tell me that he has a girlfriend. I would feel like a complete fool!!! Being two years since we have seen or talked to each other, I don't think he should have spoke. And I didn't feel it was the right place to talk to him because if I talked to him, he might wuold have introduced me to his date. And then I would have to talk to her!!! UGH!!! He put me in a bad spot, he really did! Oh well, maybe I'm wrong for thinking of it like this but if he wants to spend time with me bad enough, he will call me and ask me out for a date. I'm done, I'm threw with him I have been for 2 years, and then I see him on Saturday night, and then he did what he did. I'm just threw, I'm done, and if I have missed out on us someday getting married, well then I have missed out. If he wants me he is going to have to come to me, and really show me that he wants to be back on my life again, because right now I don't want to be in his, and I don't want to let him back in, and then he up and leave again. I just feel emotionally I'm done, I'm tired of trying. I'm done, I'm tired of games and bs. I fee better now that I have vented lol. Sorry about me rambling on and on. If you could put yourself inmyplace for just a second sometimes I think what if he does want to be with me and he is ready to commit, and I don't give him another chance and then he finds another girl and they get married. Then I miss out right?
Author missy77 Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 So, does he want to be back in my life again and we start dating, or did he just want to say hello, and see my reaction towards him?
Author missy77 Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 I've decided to write him a letter, what do you guys think?
Sand&Water Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 Missy77, If you could put yourself inmyplace for just a second sometimes I think what if he does want to be with me and he is ready to commit, and I don't give him another chance and then he finds another girl and they get married. Then I miss out right? You contradict yourself several times in your post. I don't think, you know precisely what you are getting yourself into -let alone, be able to survive in the relationship [or rather, possible future relationship] Plus, do you know what is best for you? IF not, then it is unlikely you will be able to withstand the drama in his life. I was about to miss out on my chance to be with someone, as well. I'm in a similar situation. [http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t100455/] I know it is tough to filter your thoughts and feelings from the absolute to non-absolute, and vice versa. However, you must choose a path. You either stay to pursue him, or leave, and never look back. You have to make up your mind. I don't mean to be harsh, cruel, or intimidating, but that is my take on it. Sand&Water
Flicker Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 I agree with Sand&Water, you need to make a decision and it has to be all or nothing. From reading your post it seems that you are very reluctant to just let go and move on. As other people have pointed out, two years is quite a long time and yet you are still not over him. If this is the case you obviously do still want to be with him. Why? I'm not sure. It doesn't sound to me like it was a particularly healthy or fulfilling relationship the first time around. Why would you want a repeat of that? You can do better.
Author missy77 Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 I agree with Sand&Water, you need to make a decision and it has to be all or nothing. From reading your post it seems that you are very reluctant to just let go and move on. As other people have pointed out, two years is quite a long time and yet you are still not over him. If this is the case you obviously do still want to be with him. Why? I'm not sure. It doesn't sound to me like it was a particularly healthy or fulfilling relationship the first time around. Why would you want a repeat of that? You can do better. I'm thinking maybe he has changed. I know he is happy with the job he has now, because he told me in his letter, and he has his own house now which he showed to me 2 years ago. So, I'm thinking he might be ready to commit. I just don't understand why in the world he would want to spend time with the girl I saw him with. She is not attractive at all! And the clothes she had on looked awful! Not to say I'm a super model because I'm not, but I know I look wayyyyyyyy better, than her. I just can't understand why he would want to be with her. Oh, and I'm pretty sure I saw her pay for the movie tickets too!
Rooster_DAR Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 Maybe because she is stable and gives him what he needs. Just a thought!
Walk Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 I'm thinking maybe he has changed. I know he is happy with the job he has now, because he told me in his letter, and he has his own house now which he showed to me 2 years ago. So, I'm thinking he might be ready to commit. I just don't understand why in the world he would want to spend time with the girl I saw him with. She is not attractive at all! And the clothes she had on looked awful! Not to say I'm a super model because I'm not, but I know I look wayyyyyyyy better, than her. I just can't understand why he would want to be with her. Oh, and I'm pretty sure I saw her pay for the movie tickets too! A.) You want to marry a man who treated you like crap and couldn't bother to call you back.. He ended the realtionship by not calling you.. He waited 8 months after the "I'll call you later", to even write the letter. EIGHT MONTHS!!!!! But now you want to marry him? B.) Do you realize what an ass you sound like talking about that girl that way? I'm not sorry if you find that offensive. Your comments are shallow and degrading. You want what she has, and you think you're better then her. Wow. How petty. So she's not a beauty queen. She has to be less of a person? Maybe I'm just taking this a little more harshly then I should.. but frankly, you could very well be talking about ME. Let me just say... You don't know that girl. She's could be a sweet heart, wonderful person, who would bend over backwards to help anyone. Even you. Yet you judge her because you desire something she had. I'm going to tell you flat out... You don't "love" him. You want him. That's different. That's jealousy, hurt, pain, and rejection all rolled into one. But it's definitely NOT love. Love means you want the other person to be happy... whether it's with you, or with someone else. Love means you care about their happiness, and well-being... NOT the possesive jealous emotions your feeling. That's your ego talking... This isn't complicated. You're making it into something larger than life... and it's rather simple. You either contact him or you don't. He either wants to try again, or he doesn't. But DON'T expect him to be a whole different person when you do contact him. And Don't pretend you love him when you're more concerned about what an ugly snot his female companion was, then whether he was happy or not. Call him, or don't... it's your life. **sorry this was harsh, but, Damn it.. you don't listen. You want people to say "Call him. It'll will all magically be wonderful. You'll be just like cinderelle" This is the real world... It isn't fairytale happily ever after. You make your choices in life and live with the consequences. Sometimes they knock you down.. sometimes you look back and realize you did ok.. but use your head girl! Stop looking to others to make those decisions for you.**
Author missy77 Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 A.) You want to marry a man who treated you like crap and couldn't bother to call you back.. He ended the realtionship by not calling you.. He waited 8 months after the "I'll call you later", to even write the letter. EIGHT MONTHS!!!!! But now you want to marry him? B.) Do you realize what an ass you sound like talking about that girl that way? I'm not sorry if you find that offensive. Your comments are shallow and degrading. You want what she has, and you think you're better then her. Wow. How petty. So she's not a beauty queen. She has to be less of a person? Maybe I'm just taking this a little more harshly then I should.. but frankly, you could very well be talking about ME. Let me just say... You don't know that girl. She's could be a sweet heart, wonderful person, who would bend over backwards to help anyone. Even you. Yet you judge her because you desire something she had. I'm going to tell you flat out... You don't "love" him. You want him. That's different. That's jealousy, hurt, pain, and rejection all rolled into one. But it's definitely NOT love. Love means you want the other person to be happy... whether it's with you, or with someone else. Love means you care about their happiness, and well-being... NOT the possesive jealous emotions your feeling. That's your ego talking... This isn't complicated. You're making it into something larger than life... and it's rather simple. You either contact him or you don't. He either wants to try again, or he doesn't. But DON'T expect him to be a whole different person when you do contact him. And Don't pretend you love him when you're more concerned about what an ugly snot his female companion was, then whether he was happy or not. Call him, or don't... it's your life. **sorry this was harsh, but, Damn it.. you don't listen. You want people to say "Call him. It'll will all magically be wonderful. You'll be just like cinderelle" This is the real world... It isn't fairytale happily ever after. You make your choices in life and live with the consequences. Sometimes they knock you down.. sometimes you look back and realize you did ok.. but use your head girl! Stop looking to others to make those decisions for you.** I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound like an ass talking about the girl he was with. I was just trying to describe her thats all. I know, I know, I need to make up my mind to call him, or not to call him. And just live with the consequences, what happens, happens. If he thinks I'm a fool for calling him then he'll just have to think that. Or if he laughs in my face then I'll just have to live with that. I just wish I had a better understanding of where he is coming from. Is he still playing games, or does he really want to be in my life. Yeah you are right, I need to make my own decisions and stop letting people influene me so much on the decisions I make, or trying to make in this case. I don't regret my actions this past weekend, not at all. I just don't think he is in love with the girl I saw him with, and the reason I think this is because he was so wanting to talk to me and get my attention. If he was in love with her, seeing me would not have mattered at all. I think he still has feelings for me, and is confused about how I feel about him. The only thing that is stopping me from calling him is the letter he wrote to me 8 MONTHS LATER, and he left the message on my answering machine saying he'll call me later....and then he never called. Everytime I get ready to pick up the phone, I think about that and how I felt when he didn't call. I was soooooooo hurt!!!!! And mad, angry, and frustrated!!!! I just need to forget about what happen in the past and go with how I feel now.
Author missy77 Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 Ok I have finally figured this out and how I feel. My question is: do you think he wants something to do with me like start dating again, seeing each other again, OR do you think he was just speaking to be nice?????
Author missy77 Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 Hey!!!!!!!! Can someone read my last post in this thread....and please give me some advice.
Age18Male Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 I dont wanna read through 2 pages.. im to lazy to figure out whats going on lol
Walk Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Man who doesn't care, doesn't make an effort to catch your attention. Man who does care = effort into making you notice him. Whether he cares enough that he wants to get married... I have no insight into his brain. Care is kind of ambigiously used though. Could be care as in, his ego couldn't handle the rejection. Care as in still cares deeply about you. Or Care as in didn't want to lose face in front of the other girl. He did care though. You'd have to ask him this question. I don't think one incident in a movie theater is enough informaiton to be able to read his mind....
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