ahhh

[swirly27]

Josalina, I am so happy that you feel so much better after everything that has happened. I am glad you feel good about your decision to text and what you said AND that you waited a bit before rushing to text him, and I am glad that you feel on top, cause thats ALL THAT MATTERS, no matter what your decision would have been.

 

I cannot wait until I feel on top and really feel like I am over him. I know you still have feelings there for him and all but that you feel so much better and lighter about it all is wonderful.

 

You'll definitely have to let me know how your weekend goes as I probably won't be on for a couple days after saturday but I hope you have a good weekend. I'll check on tomorrow and tomorrow night and post but after that it'll be a couple days. Hope this feeling lasts forever for you now!!

[Josalina]

thanks girls, i do still miss him, but as i said i feel like i have won this last battle, as he knows i am out and about and he can't stop me.

do wonder what is going on in his head, but guess we all do about out ex's i hope u have a lovely weekend swirly at the football game, and thanks for the kind words to u and dlish, i hope i am doing the right thing.

if he contacts again i know he has been thinking about it, but i don't know how he feels so i have just got to get on with it.

hope u all have a lovely weekend.

take care

[swirly27]

Josalina, I am so glad you feel so much better and I hope you stick with that and know that he is not worth you putting your life on hold and not getting on with what makes you happy. Its great that you realize you will still have feelings for him and you may have more up and down days, but you handled the texting great and you are knowing that you deserve better and have good friends and other things going on in your life that won't keep you down. I hope you are feeling better and getting rest for your back and such. Keep doing great!! I'll be back in a couple days and I hope you all have a great weekend!

[Josalina]

i suddenly thought, what if he got in contact to find out how i was coping without him, and now i have made it known i am ok, he may now move on without me? how do mens minds work?

i really thought we had something special.

[Ruff Ryder]

First thing D-lish thanks for the answer I like the "Yes"

 

Ok into it now. About playing games.... Hmmmm you need to understand that for some reason people feel the need to play games to gain power. It starts at the first meeting and carrys on till the relationship is over or one of you dies. I belive that it is a wast of time but in some cases necessary.

 

Ok about your man, he will not walk away if you make yourself unavalible or a challange to him. If you make yourself an easy target he will walk all over you. The better you doing and the more of that he knows the harder he "should try" to get you back into his life even if in a suttle way like a text msg.

 

Men love a challange personally I have to be the hunter and not the hunted. I select my "target" and not the other way arround. You see its a fine line of attraction who chases who.

 

I think you've done well with this last little "test" if you will. Now just stick to your guns and dont give your power away. Best case for you you get him back and you live the life that you want. Worst case: You dont get him back an your stronger and a bit wiser.

 

So just be chilled and have fun and be yourself all will come right.

[D-Lish]

Couldn't agree more with RR's insight.

 

You're doing the right thing by making yourself unavailable.

Even if he did call "just to check on how you are coping"... well, that's positive. It means he still cares.

 

Just hang in there, continue with the NC, make him come to you.

Keep yourself busy and have fun in the meantime. You're going to be okay!

 

D-Lish

[Ruff Ryder]

D-lish is once again spot on here. Its all about just having fun. Life is not about being down and depressed, sure thats a part of if but you need to know and understand that life is about living it.

 

Have fun do things you've always wanted and when your life comes right to you then the rest will fall in place.

 

Good post D-lish love the insight and attitude.

[ImInPain]

Mine called even though I think she moved on to yell at me for talking to her friend at a bar. Her friend approached me and asked how I was doing. Being a little lit I didn't act cool and composed. In fact I cried and told her how I felt my ex had screwed me around all summer and was screwing around with this guy she always hangs with.... Her friend said she wasn't. Funny how they stick up for them. So my now ex yells at me and says Im lying that I approached her friend. I swear I did not. I was not that hammered. Why would she be so angry? Maybe she does still care? Maybe she doesn't want people knowing that I asked her to marry me in July and she has been screwing around with this guy all summer? Doesn't want to look like a slut in front of her friend. Her friend also talked crap about her like that she likes to embelish stories and she is immature? Help shed some light please.

[Ruff Ryder]

The question that only you can answer my friend. There is a fine line between happiness and pain. They are not oppsites like most people belive they genrally walk hand in hand.

 

Why would she be mad? That could be 100's of reasons. I would think that she felt that your trying to get back into her life or messing with her friends.

 

Can I give you a senario? The friend told her you approached her and were all emotionall saying crazy things about your ex. 10 to 1 thats what happened.

 

What can I tell you here not much. I thnk you already know whats what and what to do.... You will hurt and it will go away. Can you get her back? Do you want her back? Well I really do belive that anyone can do anything they want all it takes is for you to be alive. If yuor alive there is hope.

 

Am I telling you that you will get her back? NO NO NO im not saying that for a second. Im I saying there is a chance tat you might however small the chance is. YES YES YES the mere fact sh called and shouthed at you shows that there may be something there still.

 

Its all about your reactions from here with every dealing you have with your ex. NO WOMAN ALIVE wants a man who is a wimp or wreck. Pick up the pices of yur life and get your act together. Took me a long time to do that but I have and Im back and loving every second of it.

 

Ask questions here and you will get some form of an answer.

 

Good luck mate.

[ImInPain]

Truth of the matter is I would never approach her friend I was in a corner by myself drinking and watching the dance floor. As I told her I have no reason to lie. It did get a response from her. Good or bad I don't know. If it did nothing that would be even worse but she must feel something if she called.

[Josalina]

thanku RR and Dlish for positive feedback, i just found out my ex will have to wait around 2 years for his green card to leave the country, he don't know this though yet, when he does he will realise he has lost another 2 years of being with me, we i hope he does.

[Josalina]

does any1 know if u need a green card to go to any country?

god i can't believe how much i miss him.

[Ruff Ryder]

If you travel across internationll terotries you need a working VISISA same as a green card. That is so that you pay tax accourding to your goverments laws.

 

This is why you need to register for a VISISA/ greencard. Its to track taxasation laws and funds of international workers.

 

But all the same 2 years poor sucker must be kicking himself. U?SE IT TO YOU ADVANTAGE.

[Josalina]

ok well he just text again asking how my weekend was and if my treatment for the injury i had was moving along ok, he also apologised for not texting back nemore the last time when he run outta credit, he said he had only just got some credit.

i played it cool, said the physio said i should be back dancing and working again in two months and i had a lovely weekend. lol.

i find this really wierd as he is still just texting as a mate, he don't wanna met up with me and he isn't flirting at all, i just can't c the point of the texts? any idea?

[Josalina]

thankyou for the info ruff.

[D-Lish]

He's not just texting as a mate- he's holding on and he doesn't know how to communicate his feelings to you, so he's keeping in contact hoping you'll do the work for him.

 

Don't forget to space out your answers to his texts.

 

I'm sorry- I must have missed the green card situation- where is he right now and where are you?

D

[Ruff Ryder]

I have to agree with that, there is a line here. If he didnt want to communicate some kind of attraction or feeling towards you her wouldnt have msg at all.

 

Men dont really know how to read things woman do or flirt in an effective way. Most men think a one liner is flirting when in all honesty it all about the way you talk body langauge and so on. If you want him to flirt and do the things you want you gonna have to make him.

 

Drop suttle lines. In a msg to him but take your time in responding. Did you have a nick name for him like "babyboy" or something? Something that if you send he would remember some wild good memorie of the 2 of you?

 

If so use it.

[Josalina]

dlish, my ex and i both live in the same country, great britain, however he want to move away abroard after his uni course, which ends next june sort of time.

 

he is planning to go australia, america or dubai, sorry not sure how to spell the last one.

as he don't think there is much oppertunities in this country?!

so do u think he is still interested?

[Josalina]

ok ruffie i will think about that one, it will have to be suttle though lol as if not he could back off, i haven't had a text back from the last text yest yet so i will wait until he texts me first.

 

he keeps blowing hot and cold he says something nice and calls me hun again, then backs off and don't text back?! weird isn't it.

[swirly27]

Hey Josalina,

 

Sorry you are getting the mixed feelings vibe but this is one of the worst things about breaking NC. When you are not over someone, you will read into everything and even though he broke the NC, he obviously isn't feeling what you're feeling, so he can contact you as he wants to when he wants to and then you are left wondering what each and every word means and how he said it and when he said it and what was he thinking when he said it - its a killer for our brains and even worse for our hearts. He was the one who told you he needed space and after 2 and half years of being together, of course he still has feelings for you and cares - but he probably doesn't want to get back with you or feeling what you feel right now....

 

So, this is why the NC helps in so many ways - you have been sad about him for some weeks now - what was worse, not hearing anything or hearing from him but analyzing every single word and wondering when you'll hear from him again??? Its almost like one downward spiral that lasts awhile or an up and down roller coaster - both can be horrible. So you have to do whats best for you - he could be a great guy and truly want to be a friend in your life, but if it causes you too much pain right now, you might not be able to be his friend. It sucks, but maybe in the future you can be friends OR if you want to do this, try not to dwell and analyze....think of it like he means NOTHING when he says hi EXCEPT to say hi and you are moving on - easier said than done though. But, he probably does just want to see if he can even have you in his life at all, which is why he is texting.....so I would ignore the next one - don't have to be mean or anything, just ignore it.....and if you hear from him again after that, just say you've been sooo busy that you completely forgot to text him back.....

[Josalina]

u know what i don't know whats worse, u spend weeks even months hoping for a text and when you get it and it isn't what you want to hear, i think it does make it worse, as u search for more than is there.

 

u don't know how they think or feel so you keep texting analysing everything hoping for the right reaction, but i ask myself, will there ever be a right reaction?

 

what do we really want from them, as if it is to be back to how we were, there will always be memories of heartbrake towards them and we never know if they will do it to us again, now do we really want to give them a second chance to possibly send us positively mad or do we plod on wanting them and wondering what if, yet surly in time the pain will fade as we find someone new, but then the new person won't be the same, could be for better or worse.

we will always compare without realising, will anyone be mr or mrs right for each one of us, u may think it feels right but u never know whats around the corner, will u ever know what and how they truly feel? people can also change, this worries me as i have seen it happen, but if i open my eyes to it all is love truly what we think it is?

 

lol cor don't i go on ha ha the start of my v. boring novel lol, just kiddin, i'm not really writing a novel on this!!

[swirly27]

Thats exactly what I meant about the pro's and cons of breaking the NC - but in my past experiences, sometimes I had to go thru all these ups and downs to FINALLY get to a point where I got so sick of being upset and then happy and then upset again, that I got fed up and was done. Waiting a long time hoping to hear something hurts alot and so does hearing something and it not being what you wanted to hear. After going thru almost all of my experiences, I usually look back and just wish I had stuck to the NC - being upset each day about the same sadness sucks, but its consistent - being upset every few days over something new is way worse, at least for me. So right now in my life, I have been sad about missing about ex and about what happened, but thats it....nothing new has happened, no contact has been made to read into, no words have been spoken to read into, so its the same thing hopefully fading with this time. When its new things, they rev up all the hurt feelings again and again and that can really hinder the healing process. But you gotta do whats best for you and we learn from ALL experiences.

 

Normally we don't want them back when we'd have to feel like we couldn't feel secure or couldn't trust them to not do it again. I think what we all ultimately hope for is that they'll realize they messed up sooooo bad that they would do anything to make it up to us....thats what I hope for anyway, but I am a hopeless romantic. Plus, we miss that feeling of having someone in our lives that made us feel special and that we had feelings for....but we have to remember that will come again, but we have to heal first.

[Josalina]

thanku for the kind words swirly, i know i have got to heal, but i don't know how to help myself, which sucks! lol

 

i feel like a right old mope lol, got all dolled up today, nice clothes, hair and make up, thought it wud cheer me up lol.

 

going to the health salon again today, need to get rid of my tension knots lol.

 

men, i just don't understand them, he was nice in the last text he even called me hun, then nothing, it makes me feel like i am doing something wrong. i am going to try and think positive today, i look good and will later feel good so positive positive positive lol, this is rediculas ha ha.